Why did everything change after my husband and I got married?

Question

We have only been married for 9 months. Before we got married everything was perfect. The way he could know exactly what I was thinking and wanting just from looking in my eyes, his soft caresses and when we were apart he was always calling me and sending text messages telling me how he missed me and loved me. Now that we are married when we do talk on the phone it's just a short question and answer and the text messages stopped. We don't nearly have sex as much as I would like to or spend quality time alone with each other. His family is very important to him so we are with his brothers alot. He works about 12-13 hours everyday and goes to school 3 nights a week so I know he is very tired but I am not happy. I have tried talking to him about this and he just says "baby do you think I like working all the time and going to school". I don't know what to do, I am craving his attention and have actually turned to another man for attention. I don't know what to do someone please help me.

First of all, in response to some of these answers I have not cheated on my husband! Maybe me saying that I have turned to another man wasn't exactly the right thing to call it. I do have a male friend however that I talk to on the phone and I see him when my husband is with me. He however does give me more attention over the phone than my husband does when he is home. This other man tells me that I am pretty and sexy and he listens to me when I have a problem. My husband is never around long enough to talk to me. When he is home he is asleep. I completely understand that he is tired and when I am not at work I go to his job and help him so he can get home faster. I just don't feel like he cares that we don't get time together when he tells me he is to tired to do somethig with me then one of his brothers calls and he jumps up and goes with him. I would not ever actually cheat on my husband, I love him to much to do that.

Answer 1

OK,well you really had me way over on your side right up to the moment you said you have "turned to another man for attention" .
Of all of the mistakes you could have made, that is just about the biggest. There is no way, that you can fix a problem within your marriage by turning outside of it. So 1st & foremost end any relationship that has no relevance to your marriage now.

Now to get to what I was going to say before you revealed that you were trying to fix your marriage by cheating was:

Either your new husband has begun to take you for granted, or he has gone into "hyper responsibility syndrome".
My vote is on the 2nd one. (the hyper responsibility).
He has made a radical switch from being a single man who has a sexy lady to romance, to being a married man who needs to build a life for his wife & future family. I think his intentions are to build a strong house of substantive things like a good income, by working long hours, & a future by improving his education. But he seems to be doing this at the expense of his relationship with you. Every man who builds things knows that no matter how strong a house you build, if you don't maintain your foundation (your relationship) the entire house will crumble.

Now having said that, you could also recognise the sacrifices your husband is making at this time while trying to build his future with you. Perhaps you could repay him with a little understanding instead of making this all about you.
His family is important to him, well that shows that you have made a good choice in a husband. You are his family now, & he wants to blend you into his life with his immediate family by having you & he spend as much time with them as possible.

Are you just sitting there craving his attention? Or are you spending your time without him, thinking of ways that you could make the times you two do have together more special!

Marriage is a balance of communication, sacrifices, & working together. It seems like he has taken all of the responsibility for your happiness in the marrriage by doing all of the work, & you let him.
Time to step up, & do your share, but don't let him have all of the glory either. Work on this together with him, not another man.

Good Luck to the both of you & your future together. He may have much to learn, but I think you have the start of a fabulous husband there so train him well, no point in starting over with another one.

Answer 2

I swear, getting married is the worst thing anyone can do for a relationship, everything seems to stop!

Turning to another man will not make the situation any better, I suggest you break that off straight away.

For you to want so much attention doesn't seem natural, if you understand your husband's working & school hours you'd realise it won't always be like this.

I think marriage counselling as a preventitive measure would be a good idea if you think there is anything left to save but other than that you seem very immature and maybe shouldn't have married in the first place if you're willing to give up & cheat so easily.

Answer 3

OOOHHHH you have angered the men. Well, let me just say that "turning to another man" is certainly not the way to go about fixing the problems with the one that you have. He is busy and tired. You are feeling bored, neglected and lonely. Do you have a job? I only ask as if you are out of the house more perhaps you won't need so much attention. Also, DO NOT have a baby to try and "fix" your relationship. That will make things worse. Things change after you get married but 9 months is pretty quick. Give him time, it sounds like he is trying to better y'alls situation with school. get rid of the new guy and give the old one a chance, if he is worth keeping. That is something you need to decide. No one is going to give you 100% attention 24/7. This new guy's attention will dwindle after the newness wears off too. That's life.

Answer 4

First of all - ditch the "other man". You'll only cause a HUGE problem when your husband finds out.
Every married couple goes through a rough patch after they get married.
He's stopped with all the "lovey dovey" attention because he now has you. There's no need for him to continue to swoon you.
Bring that spark back. Send HIM messages and give HIM little calls throughout the week.
Be the one to initiate sex when he gets home.
Set aside one night a week to have a romantic movie and a glass of wine together and re-connect.
Marriage = work. You've only been married 9 months and you're already giving up because things aren't falling into place perfectly like every other married person wants them to.
You have to TRY!

Answer 5

First of all marriage is hard work. Don't give in to to your weaknesses! There are always men out there preying on women who are feeling neglected by their men. You don't mention if you work or go to school. Why is he working such long shifts? Is he going to school for a degree? Is he trying to get an education so as to get a better job so that you two can have a better life? These are important issues! I know this sounds hokey but remember to take of your man too. There are so many losers, commitmentphobes and jerks out there who wouldn't do these thing for their wives. I was married for 23 years before my husband suddenly died. Those years were filled with ups and downs. I never appreciated the things he did for us until he was gone .When we fist got married, I too felt I wasn't getting the attention he owed me! He used to tell me the hunt was over , now it was time to get to work. As far as family goes, the day will come when he wants to come home to his wife's waiting arms and charms more than he wants to hang out with his brothers. Be patient. Be strong. Find ways to open dialogue about what is lacking in your new marriage. Don't become a statistic.! If you two loved one another enough to go through the marriage thing then respect that and understand that LOVE will pull you through all the challenges that life will toss at you. However, if you are not mature enough to handle those challenges then things are not going to be easy for you.

Answer 6

I have never been married, but something like it(we lived together). I was with a person which worked 6 days a week from 8am to 8pm! He never had time for me and that was a big problme for me. I was not happy,and i tried sticking through it all but since he was older then me he grew tired of it and called it quits.I'm thinking he is older than you so Im gonna tell you if you are already looking for someone else just end it already or he will. I too looked for someone else, but it was just for attention. He is not gonna change his schedule for you. this is what it is. He works hard and goes to school! You are going in a different direction he is. he is no gonna change, believe me he isnt! If you can accept the fact that its gonna get worse becuase i bet you guys fight already, you just have to step back and think about it.and if you love him you will compromise and so will he. Goodluck!

Answer 7

First of all "dont turn to another man because of this ,it will only cause you more stress and quilt is not worth it .ok You need to tell him something has to stop so he can have time with you ,Time with his brothers can be shared ,I would tell him 2 nights out of the week belong to you and him to be alone together .Then tell him how really much you have to have thia so then if he doesnt do something ,then get mad at him .sometimes men just think saying I love you is enough ! But always throw up work !tell him without you would he be working so much and hard ,because thats whats coming if he dont work on this with you .I wish you the best of luck .

Answer 8

Marriage is suppose to mean, you will be w/ that person the rest of your life.

It's not unusual for ppl to change because the dating game is over. No matter how long you've been together, there is always that shade of doubt until you get the legal document.

But I'm not sure about how genuine your commitment was when you spoke the nuptial vows.

Also, was hubby's schedule so full before the marriage? Increasing reponsibilities can cause stress. Stress can cause a change in disposition.

Answer 9

don't crave for another man cause it's not good since u already tok the vows and **** like that si i think he is just busy andhe has school and work so take that into consideration and help him and make time 4 ur sefls then for his brother's i am not saying not to meet his family i am just saying if u meet his family 2 times a week meet them 1 time and save the other time for ur selfs and see where u guys go.
i think it's normal to feel this kind of feeling cause everyone goes through this . some take it easy and the others take it hard on them selves
it's ookey don't stress ur self and just be with him the time he has 4 u.
it's not good to break if u do then u break someone's hrat cause u promised to him till death do us apart and if u don't do that it really hurts the trust will be gone.
and plz don't take another mans attention plz i request u not to cause it will hurt both of u.

good luck 4 ur marriage.

Answer 10

turning to another man is only going to make it worse,but u do need to fill up your time with something like some kind of hobby or join something not just wrap your whole life into your man u need a life too he has one and when he goes to his brothers u don't have to go all the time , u go do your thing,maybe then he will start missing u like he used to do and he may start calling u on the phone, good luck and hope it will work out for u both