We too much say things we don't mean. I hate you. I love you. Either one can either make or break a person, if its not meant however, they are on a false high or low. I wonder why when the person we are so deeply angry with says our name, we turn, knowing that there is nothing that they can say that will make us forget. The way your head moves, as though hoping to find those words that they are meant to say. How are they supposed to say them, when you don't know what they are?
If there is too much trouble in responding then why bother to comunicate at all? He who stands in front of you wears your feelings just as you do yours. They may not necessarily understand the grief, but they can feel it because the pressure you place upon their chest is just a great. Those words that come out without an ounce of thought are the notes of a tune titled "regret". People say that others regret too many things, but when you look at the amount of words unsaid in those minds before it hits the others ears, I should hope that the number is high.
Will you see her again? The woman that you hurt. All you can say is tired worn things, and never once notice that your words have set their sites on her emotions and apperance. Your ducts are dry as the desert and your heart, an iceberg that castles in oceans, and ruin her prideful ships. However, your ships are undamaged, successfully progressing. Have you pondered why? Your courage is merely a stream, an ocean would be too heavy for you.
I say you are vain. 'Tis true, I write this for you. In every sentence you are somehow intertwind. It is not because I despise or disrespect you. For you do not understand how many people think this is about them. They wonder because its not just for you, but also for them. Keep in mind, I will have read this as well.
2006-12-02 08:45:40 · 7 answers · asked by just_adorable_pink_love 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
Overall: A little bit choppy at first. It is obvious by the tone that the writing is heartfelt. I personally feel the third paragraphy, rich in discription and similies, is the best.
You show promise as a writer.
Here are my suggestions (in caps):
We too much (REPLACE MUCH WITH OFTEN) say things we don't mean. I hate you. I love you. Either one (CHANGE EITHER ONE TO BOTH) can either make or break a person, if its not meant however, they are on a false high or low. I wonder why when the person we are so deeply angry with says our name, we turn, knowing that there is nothing that they can say that will make us forget. The way your head moves, as though hoping (INCOMPLETE SENTENCE, CHANCE TO IS AS THOUGH YOU ARE HOPING TO HEAR) to find those words that they are meant to say. How are they supposed to say them, when you don't know what they are?
If there is too much trouble in responding (ADD COMMA HERE) then why bother to comunicate at all? He who stands in front of you wears your feelings just as you do yours. They may not necessarily understand the grief, but they can feel it because the pressure you place upon their chest is just a (CHANGE A TO AS) great. Those words that come out without an ounce of thought are the notes of a tune titled "regret". People say that others regret too many things, but when you look at the amount of words unsaid in those minds before it hits the others ears, I should hope that the number is high.
Will you see her again? The woman that you hurt. All you can say is tired worn things, and never once notice that your words have set their sites on her emotions and apperance. Your ducts are dry as the desert and your heart, an iceberg that castles in oceans, and ruin her prideful ships. However, your ships are undamaged, successfully progressing. Have you pondered why? Your courage is merely a stream, an ocean would be too heavy for you.
I say you are vain. 'Tis true, I write this for you. In every sentence you are somehow intertwind. It is not because I despise or disrespect you. For you do not understand how many people think this is about them. They wonder because its not just for you, but also for them. Keep in mind, I will have read this as well.
2006-12-02 09:05:09 · answer #1 · answered by onlyget1shot 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
While i was reading this i listened to Jessica Simpson - I Wanna Love You Forever.I am not the kind of guy that insults someone and afterwards regret for it.Maybe that is the reason i don't say much(or the other way arround).I am sorry if i don't get the point.Keep writing but i am not gonna read it again just now.It requires thinking and i get sleepy when i think :).
2006-12-02 08:54:17 · answer #2 · answered by brich_inc 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At first I was sure English was your second language however it gets better as you roll along.
That ocean you speak of, I think you are trying to make it deeper than it is. I feel bad for you that he left you but things happen, He's really not a bad guy but he obviously has some issues, they are his issues, don't make them yours. you have potential in expression,but keep it simple. Over all very good.
2006-12-02 12:12:31 · answer #3 · answered by Charles H 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We forget that our words are carved in stone.
Not just vibrations in the air.
You have written the most wonderful thing I have read in a long time.
2006-12-02 09:12:18 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're writing in this strange passive-active-I-can't-really- decide voice. Everything seems muffled. It sounds like your trying to emulate another authors work, which almost always doesn't bring real meaning to your work. Find your voice.
2006-12-02 18:50:15 · answer #5 · answered by amor fati 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Impressive; very articulate.
2006-12-02 08:53:35 · answer #6 · answered by needsumthin2002 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is hard to answer ... I will never know why your writing this unless I am face to face with you.
2006-12-02 09:01:45 · answer #7 · answered by ahh4theday 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋