Hello. I'm an ESL student and I'm writing an essay aboute the Empress of Iran. I've written the introdutory

Question

paragraph,but I need someone to help me if it's correct or not ( grammatically). The introductory paragraph is: An event which completely changed the life of a wonderful young girl, Farah Diba, who became the Empress of Iran in her 20's. The event which caused her to write a book about three different periods of her life: Farah before she met Shah, Farah and Shah together,Farah after Shah's death.( i want you to tell me ..like if i used a wrong preposition or if the verb tense are correct or not...or if u have any idea that i can make it more interesting)..thank u so much....Negar

Answer 1

Problem #1
A relative pronoun, such as "which," needs to refer to something that came before. Example: I like your essay, which is very interesting. <= "which" refers to "your essay"

So you need to preface your relative clause with a main clause, or eliminate the relative pronoun entirely. You could write, for instance:
- I want to write about an event which completely changed the life [...]
- This event caused her to write a book [...]

Problem #2
The word "Shah" requires the definite article: "the Shah." The first time you refer to him, you should specify, "the Shah of Iran."

The rest of your introductory paragraph is quite good. After you make the corrections, it could go something like this:
"I want to write about an event which completely changed the life of a wonderful young girl, Farah Diba, who became the Empress of Iran in her 20's. This event caused her to write a book about three different periods of her life: Farah before she met the Shah of Iran, Farah and the Shah together, Farah after the Shah's death."

Good luck with the rest of your essay.

NOTE TO HAPPYGIRL:
I don't agree about adding a comma after "wonderful." To me, the words "young girl" form a syntactic unit qualified by a single adjective, "wonderful."

Answer 2

Your first sentence is actually a fragment--you have no main verb. Your second sentence is also a fragment. I think the word "which" is tripping you up. Once you add "who" or "which" to a sentence, you make it no longer a complete thought, and it needs to be linked up to a main clause.

For example . . .

The building is tall. (This is a complete sentence.)
The building which is tall (This is no longer a complete sentence. It will be a fragment unless I add it to a main clause.)
The building, which is tall, towers over the city. (Here "towers" is the main verb in the main clause.)

Make your fragments complete sentences by eliminating "which" or by adding a main verb. Add a comma between "wonderful" and "young." Otherwise your words and phrases look fine.