have now met a man who i love dearly and loves me,and makes me very happy,he wants me and my daughter to go and live with him they get on very well as i do with his children,but i still feel bad about making the final break what shall i do.
2006-12-02 07:56:37 · 58 answers · asked by firefly08 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Make the break. Staying married for the sake of children isn't good. They pick up on the tension between the parents. It's much better for the children to live in a happy and healthy home.
2006-12-02 07:58:37 · answer #1 · answered by Lori 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I guess I can sympathize with your husband because after 14 yrs I am kinda in the same situation. Without questioning how you got involved with the other man, I would say that you should have divorced before getting involved with someone else. I say this not for the reasons you may think. You are the female role model to your daughter and in a way you have taught her to "play the field" instead of resolving issues. It doesn't matter what you tell her, you should never start a new relationship without resolution from the other. So you should feel bad
The thing is that you made a mistake. If you are certain that your new "relationship" is the best thing, then divorce your husband. Fourteen years is hard to walk away from and I hope you are sure you know what you are doing. I just know from my personal experience that sometimes the one who leaves puts there issues ahead of the children and I hope this isn't the case. Just because your daughter gets along with the other fellow doesn't mean that she loves him the way you do. Most girls are daddy's girls and you should encourage that relationship no matter who you get involved with, unless the child's welfare is at stake.
I do hope that things work out like you want. I just think you went about it the wrong way. So make things right and explain to your daughter that though you did it this way, that there was a better way to handle this situation. It's the right thing to do.
2006-12-02 08:14:38 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is foolish to stay in a relationship simply for the sake of the child since a relationship is primarily about the couple. The children are the fruit of that relationship and they either benefit of suffer according to the quality of the relationship. I highly suggest that you Analise your current marriage and look at what is really the problem. Did you marry him too fast? Were you pregnant with his child when you married him? Are you a good wife? Does your marital trouble stem from adultery or is it simply intellectual discord? Another thing to consider is why you are with another man. Being on the rebound is dangerous and leads to foolish decisions. Your new man may seem wonderful, but how well do you know him? The fact that he wants you and looks like a good daddy candidate does not fix your life. I suggest that you end one relationship and take time off to reflect on your life. Besides, what's the rush? If this new guy is that wonderful you can always date him for a while and then take the leap if it still seems favorable. I leave you with this: How many times will you begin again when things go sour? Marriages are so sacred that God actually hates divorces, even when adultery is present. I much rather have you fix your present relationship than go elsewhere. Keep in mind that most divorces nowadays have no merit. Unless he is physically abusing you, there is really no excuse.
I, too, am married and have been through much. I do speak from experience, so please consider what I have written.
Sincerely,
Mr. M on "been with husband."
2006-12-02 08:09:38 · answer #3 · answered by Humberto M 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it's truly over then that's it your mind is already made up then you must commit to your new man and your husband will have to deal with it
If there is a chance of repairing your marriage then think very carefully
The grass may look greener on the other side of the hill but it could still be the same grass
If you are really undecided then you are possibly hoping for something that is just not going to happen
We all deserve to be happy and if that means doing things that will be unpleasant for a while in the quest to find happiness then so be it
Everone concerned will move on but before you make that choice you don't mention in your question your children. How will they feel suddenly living away from their real Dad
Hard one that needs a great deal of thought
That said staying for the sake of the kids in my mind is also wrong
2006-12-02 09:00:43 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have no scruples,values,morals or principals-and your daughter is going to go through life without these quality's too...she will also learn off you that marriage vows aren't really to be taken seriously, and that any man she meets can be taken for a fool, there is always some other mug around the corner. Before getting your feet under the table with "Mr happy plank",(which i suspect you have already done-and are just looking for acceptance from total strangers about this "final break" thing),perhaps you could try some marital counselling, to find out just why "we don't get on" after 14 yrs. That's a long time to be in a relationship with someone and "not get on", kids or not, so why not try some counselling first...if that just does not work then divorce your husband before moving in with plank-he deserves that at least after 14 yrs, and could probably do better without you anyway.
2006-12-02 11:34:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hope this new guy realizes how fickle you are. Your telling all in here that you are married, 14 years now, have a child and not only unhappily married but in love with another man, know his kids, he knows your daughter and all the kids get along! For the sake of all marriages out there, I do hope your kids know one another in school and get along there. As for your being in love with another man while still married to your spouse and this man supposedly in love with you too, do either of you not have scruples? You should have divorced before falling in love or are you mercenary enough to have and to hold until you think you found better than off with the old and on with the new and repeat the cycle every 14 years, or whenever the getting ends for you? Oh and by the way, what a role model your 14 year old has in you...I do hope Daddy files for custody of her, maybe he took the vows a little more seriously
2006-12-02 08:10:51 · answer #6 · answered by sassywv 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Follow your heart. If it feels right, go for it. Just way up all the pro's and con's. Life is too short and if you love him and he loves you and your daughter then go for it. If the reason for you being together with your husband is just for your daughter and nothing else, you have everything to gain. 14 years is a long time and at the end of the day if it makes you happy make the move....it won't be easy, but it's the old saying...if there is nothing in the relationship anymore...move on.
Take care and good luck
2006-12-02 08:08:05 · answer #7 · answered by nickg3865 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Feel stuck? You can free yourself by being honest with everyone. And I mean everyone.
Yourself - you are now in love with another man and you don't love the man you live with. What do you owe your husband, nothing but the truth.
Your husband - If he knew that the two of you were only staying together for the sake of your daughter, then he will understand that you are ready to move on.
Your daughter - well, she knows about you and this other man, and if she accpets him and his kids, just move on and allow her to still have a relationship with her father
Your new man - he wants you to move in with him. He cares for your daughter. You get along with his kids, so then what's holding you back?
The bad feeling that you are having is called guilt. And if it's not guilt then maybe you are not quite sure who you really want to be with. Are you sure you are done with your husband?
2006-12-02 08:23:40 · answer #8 · answered by Tired of being Mr. Nice 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
And if you're making a mistake????
How does your daughter feel about leaving her father and going and living with her mother's lover? Does she even know? Have you asked her what she wants to do?
And how does your husband feel about losing not only his wife, but his child?
They deserve to be happy too. Too many women make this mistake but the grass isn't always greener on the other side. And they often regret it. No one can tell you what to do - you should sort out your lovelife before you have a child. You are tearing apart your family for "your" happiness. But to achieve that happiness you're betraying your husband and forcing yur daughter to choose between the two of you. As a child I was put in this position - it was very cruel.
2006-12-02 08:32:20 · answer #9 · answered by True Blue Brit 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't love your husband, I feel that you should leave because of that, not because you have another man waiting. You would owe it to yourself and your daughter to make a clean break before moving in with the other guy. It just feels sudden and irrational. You need time to grieve the first marriage before jumping into something else.
When you leave a marriage, you only lose 1/2 of the problem. You still have to live with your half of the problem. If you don't resolve your own issues, you will just have to deal with them in the new relationship.
2006-12-02 08:23:09 · answer #10 · answered by antieannie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋