He wasnt controlling until we got married. He isnt abusive, I just dont know how to handle him now. For instance, I want to get a small tattoo and he is forbidding me to do it... No one forbids me to do anything.... I love him, and we have been together for 6 years.. Help!?
2006-12-02 07:35:31 · 26 answers · asked by Jessica C 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
RUNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!! I mean it, you get out as fast as you can , it starts out that way and then it does get physical . I don't care how long you have known him. You ask for help ,now take it.
2006-12-02 07:40:18 · answer #1 · answered by sweetness 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Jessica
Don't ever let marriage change who you are. Be real about what your personal truth is.
Having said that, I personally believe a good husband is the leader of the family and gives guidance to his wife. I think a woman should seriously consider what her husband wants for her to have a strong marriage.
If he truly loves you, he wouldn't steer you wrong because you represent him when you step out everyday.
In the end, your husband also needs to respect you and your personal decisions if it truly doesn't affect the family. Remind him that he is not your daddy!
Hold off on the tattoo for a bit. Get it later or maybe not at all.
If you submit to him a little, you might be happier because men gotta know they're the boss, but we ladies know what's really going on. Good luck with that.
2006-12-02 12:40:19 · answer #2 · answered by nikki 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Either get out now or put up with it. I was married to a controlling man for 20 years, he never changed no matter how I bucked the system (his system). He was never abusive, just irritating to all my family and friends with the way I had to live, as if he were the center of the universe, not in my eyes..his. If I was on the phone he had to stand over top me and if he couldn't hear what was being said he wanted me to hang up. If I was visiting my family he would call every 5 or 10 minutes and want something. I had to clear all my plans with him first and if I deviated from them without his prior consent all #*@% broke loose.
2006-12-02 07:44:36 · answer #3 · answered by sassywv 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him how long he wants to be married to you. This is not an idle question. I've worked with wives of controlling men for 18 years and the vast majority of them leave the relationship sooner or later because it is so unhappy for them to be controlled. If he wants to stay married to you, he will need to stop controlling or eventually maybe not tomorrow or maybe not next month but eventually you will leave.
One other thing honey, my husband threatened to turn me into social services if I allowed the children near the farm machinery. I had been working on teaching them to stay away from the machinery but they would get curious. I told him I would leave him if he did that because I refused to be controlled. It rocked our marriage for a couple of years but that was about five years ago. I don't feel controlled and we are still together.
2006-12-02 08:25:42 · answer #4 · answered by whitneysmother 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Need to let him know that this is a partnership and you need to talk about things like this. Unless one or the other has a conviencing arguement about anything then there should not be a problem. You do not say what or where you want one. so we cannot tell you why he may not want it there. Just remember how this may affect you later. In 10 years is mommy's tatto still going to look good to who ever can see it? Will it show if you need to wear something nice to a diner?
2006-12-02 07:46:13 · answer #5 · answered by ronnny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Put your cards on the table now. Tell him you are free and not dependant upon him. You and you alone will decide the choices in your life. Just because you are married and love him gives him no right to order you around in any way. It is not the life that you want. Make it clear now before it is too late.
My wife is and has always been free to make her own choices and that is why we are still married after 30 happy years.
2006-12-02 08:15:31 · answer #6 · answered by Spiny Norman 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get the Tattoo and then tell him nobody runs my life and if thats the way he is going to be then it's over. It may start with this tattoo
but that is just the beginning he is trying to show you that he considers you his property and that no one is going to touch you.
Anyways you deserve better a women is no ones property everyone is a person and should be treated as such. I hope you just do it and then tell him what is he going to spend the thousands to remove it and knock you out to do it. God Bless and Good Luck.
2006-12-02 07:39:59 · answer #7 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all what you need to do is tell him to stop controlling you. Just because you are married doest not mean that he owns you. If he truly loved you then he should accept for what you want to do. And on top of that dont let him tell you what to do. You have your own life and brain and etc... no one controls you but you and God period... so remind him of that next time he tried to control you....
2006-12-02 09:52:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well i think I would have to go get 2 tats if some one forbid me to. it is Ur body do what you want
2006-12-02 07:39:39 · answer #9 · answered by just_me_1955 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to make it ABSOLUTELY clear to him that he is your husband (and therefore your equal), not your boss or your father.
Why should HE get to make decisions for you?? I have been in the same spot as you. "I forbid you to..." is something a parent says to a child!!!! go ahead and do it....the worst thing that can happen is that the controlling jerk leaves!!
and by the way...controlling behavior is a form of abuse.
2006-12-02 07:40:33 · answer #10 · answered by Ms. GTO 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He can only control you as much as YOU ALLOW him to. There is things to take into consideration 50/50. I would say if there is no harm in something then do it. Just tell him no dis-respect but you want this and he is he to tell you otherwise. He is not your Dad he is your help mate.
2006-12-02 08:11:52 · answer #11 · answered by horsecrazy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋