I have a friend who has a big problem.. everyone talks about it behind his back, but I confronted him..You would think that was a good thing, but now he is not speaking to me and everyone else is in denial that they noticed the problem to begin with.. He has a major drink problem... Should I have said nothing...
2006-12-02 07:34:18 · 10 answers · asked by fitzmoy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
The reason no one said anything before you is that they probably know that just telling the person with the problem that they have the problem isn't going to do a damned thing, except exactly what it did, get him pissed at you. He is aware he has a problem but doesn't want to do anything about it and until HE wants to change the problem there is nothing you can do about it. Bringing it to his attention didn't do anything other than make him angry.
2006-12-02 07:39:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one likes to have a mirror held up to them and some one sitting there and pointing out their flaws, it was neither the right or the wrong thing to have done. At the end of the day you did what you felt was right and your saying what you did may well help them to realise they have a problem.
The only problem with any situation where someone has an addiction they have to admit they have a problem to begin with, until then there is very little you can do. Well except stay their friend and support them, your friend will appreciate your support and friendship in the long term.
2006-12-02 18:30:24 · answer #2 · answered by jumpin_jelly_cat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did the right thing. You did it because you not only have the courage but obviously you care. There is nothing wrong with what you did and the fact that every knows and talks about it behind his back is worse.
Of course he is mad. No one likes to have things pointed out to him but from you say, he needs help. Maybe you should find a few places that can help him and offer him that him information. He not talk to you now but one day, when he hits bottom, he is going to remember that is was "you" who tried to help him.
Let him alone for now. Give him time to think. He will come around. If you are good friends, try sending him a letter, email or text, just letting him know, that even though he is not talking to you, you will still be there for him no matter what.
I think you are the better person out of anyone else and I have a lot of respect for you. You didn't talk about him behind his back, instead you had the common decency to talk to him face to face.
2006-12-02 15:45:31 · answer #3 · answered by megabites42 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh the joy of denial, and the joy of naivety!
Being an alcoholic is a mental illness and you just telling him is not going to do anything. You may as well tell him that he is fat, he may well be aware of being fat, but he is never going to want to admit to it, and by telling him that he is fat is not going to make things any better. So you were just damned because you did.
2006-12-02 16:56:36 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you were right to say something directly to him. it shows you care. he is in denial. even if he knows it he is not ready to acknowledge it to anyone. just be there as a friend. he may need one soon. the others are only enabling and judging him. when he is ready- he will need suportive friends and professional help. find out more from alcoholics anonymous and other community hep groups. just be the friend you are.
2006-12-02 15:58:27 · answer #5 · answered by katlady 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
His response is typical of any alcoholic.
They live in permanent denial (anything is the problem , other than alcohol) until they come to the point when they say "My name is ****** , I am an alcoholic"
Make sure that you continue to be available, but keep your emotions under control.
2006-12-02 15:45:54 · answer #6 · answered by alan h 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
they are all scared they will get the same treatment if he cottons on they think so to. You did the right thing 'you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink' comes to mind.
He has to want help to beat this. He will come around.
2006-12-02 15:39:51 · answer #7 · answered by Smoochy Poochy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did the right thing you have been a true friend and if he is the same thing then he will get over it soon.
2006-12-02 18:59:06 · answer #8 · answered by louci2shoes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People's ego prevents them from realising the truth. What you did was not wrong at all, in my opinion. He ought to be grateful for having you as a friend.
2006-12-02 15:46:10 · answer #9 · answered by Fragile Rock 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no its a good thing you told him. and he is really sdtupid to have stopped talking to you.the way i see it you were this only true friend.
2006-12-02 16:52:55 · answer #10 · answered by LYDZII3 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋