he wants a baby????

Question

ok well my fiance has been bringing up the idea of having baby alot lately and im not sure if hes kidding or if he really wants one....i dont want to look silly if i say yes and hes joking....do guys bring up the baby thing as a joke or only when they are really seriouse about it?? oh and wheni ask if hes joking he replys " what if im not" so any help would be great

well i appreciate all the responses i have received and please continue to answer. however before you do please don't comment on my maturity and wether or not i should get married at this moment thank you vey much

Answer 1

Most guys don't joke about wanting a family, there are exceptions to every rule however. Next time he "jokes " about wanting a baby, ask if he;s kidding when he replies what if I'm not, say well if your not kidding why not. Worst case is he'll be surprised, but you shouldn't worry about being silly. It is no where near silly for a woman to be considering a baby with the man she loves.

Answer 2

If he is your fiance you are the best one to judge where he is coming from. I don't know about you but a baby is a 40 year commitment (trust me I have two children and it's true). He may be testing you. If he wants a baby ask him does he intend to support and raise it. You could turn the tables.

On the other hand whether he's kidding or not is not the problem. If he does want a baby and you do not. (for good reasons I would guess), tell him. Just say something like, yes I would love a baby maybe a couple but certainly not now. We are too young and look at the cost of living. A baby brings everything into perspective and its a huge responsibility. I would love to have a baby with you but not now.

It would be a terrible thing to carry this verbal challenge to the point of pregnancy and that is a risk because other women have. I would have my answer the butt of a joke between me and my fiance than to carry it to a very serious and dangerous conclusion because I was afraid he would make me look silly. Right now he's the one behaving silly. When you ask are you kidding and he retorts with 'what if I am not' I have a response for you.
Well if you are not let me see your bank account because college and university for this tyke is going to cost minimum 50k the house will be 400k and then there is the car and crib, clothing. I know you have prepared for all of this so if you are not kidding I guess you thought everything and are ready. If you are kidding lets just let this thing drop because its not funny anymore.

Men do talk about babies. They joke and challenge their partners to get a sense of what they think and feel. Ask him to just be direct and not to joke about it, you could say, if you want to know what I think about babies, just ask me, don't dink around with it. Then tell him.

It sounds like he's batting you for a verbal challenge. If it is a joke he's playing it's not very nice because it has you worried about some serious things. I think you need to tell him directly that yes but not now and not for several years and if he says only kidding you can challenge him with well do you want a baby? What is good for the goose is good for the gander.

Good luck. Remember silly is relative. Its easier than raising children.

Answer 3

It seems like he's interested. Because I tell you, if I even ask my BF he freaks out, so a man who brings it up, is definitely interested. If you're afraid of putting yourself out there and feeling silly, don't seem overly enthusiastic about it yet, until you know what he really wants. Tell him you want to ask a serious question, no jokes. Why does he constantly bring up the baby thing, does he want to have a baby? he can say no, give you a timeline (like not right now but someday), or say yes (now). You never said what your response was whenever he asks what if he's not joking. IF that happens again, tell him your answer, whether you do or don't and when.

Answer 4

Usually guys do not joke about having a baby. But if your already engaged I would suggest waiting till your married to actually have the baby. Babies change everything. People do not realize how hard they truly are. Esp. in the start of a new marriage. Enjoy being newlyweds for a bit before adding a little bundle of joy. There is plenty of time to add to a family :)

Answer 5

It doesn't matter if he is serious or not -- if he is your fiance, you can wait until you are married. You can discuss it now, but you don't have to HAVE a baby now. But from what you write above, it sounds like you are both too immature to have a baby if you are still playing that "cat & mouse game" (joking, not joking ????)

Also, it really doesn't matter if he wants a baby or not -- it is ultimately up to you (unless he can get a baby to grow inside of him). Fair or not, a man cannot DECIDE to have a child -- it is up to the woman !

Answer 6

first and foremost, why are you marrying a man you know nothing about?! i mean, if by now you don't know his thinking or what he means by what he says, then you're marriage (or potential marriage) is in danger. lack of communication!! alert, alert! besides, people don't have babies or discuss having babies until after they're married. rather, you should discuss whether you want children in the future or not, but you shouldn't be planning babies BEFORE the wedding! who knows what your fiance means by this. maybe he's afraid you don't love him enough or the relationship isn't strong enough and wants to guarantee you'll marry him and stay w/ him by getting you pregnant now. at any rate, if you're getting married, i assume you're both mature responsible adults, and understand what it means to even have/raise a family. it's no joke, so tell him to quit joking. if he's serious about having this baby, then tell him he'll have to wait until you're both marries, and settled and financially secure and mature enough to raise one! bottom line is, if he won't answer your questions directly and seriously, then he's not marriage material. your marriage will suffer if he can't communicate EFFECTIVELY!!!!! also, if you're scared of looking silly in front of the guy, discussing serious things, then i suggest you put the wedding off until you both grow up and become mature. the most important thing in a marriage is effective communication, and if fear of appearing silly in front of your spouse prohibits you from talking to him/her, then don't get married until you both get counseled on how to communicate effectively and productively!!!!! don't put yourself in the position of possibly getting pregnant before you guys work this out!!! things are that much worse when a baby is added to the equation!!!!! good luck.

Answer 7

Thanks for the last statement. Ok, when he asks you if you want a baby, he really wants one. I don't think he would be joking about this kind of thing to the woman he's gonna marry. When you ask if he's joking then you probably make it seem like, "That's out of the question!" He doesn't seem silly wanting a baby just like you do if the other doesn't want one so he says the "what if i'm not" line. Just tell him you want one because he probably does too.
GoOd LuCk!

Answer 8

Considering he's your FIANCEE - a baby is running through his mind because you guys are about to be married - and most people who get married have children. I'm the exception of course - my husband and I have been married a year and I don't want kids (he's fine with it).

You sound really young. Make sure you want to get married in the first place before proceeding.

Answer 9

What is wrong with just asking him Are u serious about having a baby? and then any other questions you have ask. if you aren't comfortable asking him any thing then maybe you two shouldn't be having a baby or even engaged. Good Luck:)

Answer 10

Many men bring up the "I want a baby" thing when they want to own you. For some reason in there mind they think there clutch on you will be tighter if you have there child. Only have a baby for a man for the right reasons.