Does the character of a man actually matter to a woman?

Question

I'm looking for serious answers here. Nothing along the lines of "duh" or "of course".

I'm just wondering, because I haven't been able to find a woman who thinks that it's important for a man to live his life with integrity. Most women that I know think that it's great when a man is unfaithful, lazy, verbally abusive, and dishonest in general. They view him as being a "bad boy" who has "edge" and is a "challenge".

On the other hand, a man who is confident, mentally and physically healthy, a community leader, intelligent, romantic, honest, and devoted to his wife and children, is seen as "boring" and "too nice".

Why is this? Do these women have low self-esteem and think that they don't deserve better . . . or, do men of integrity have to start being losers in order for women to appreciate them?

I look forward to your intelligent and well-thought-out answers.

Answer 1

I've been married for over thirty years to a man who is, by anyone's standards, a nice guy. He's as honest as the day is long, has been the sole caretaker of two family members, would do anything to help anyone that he could, and has been there for me when I need him.

I've known women who've been involved with the bad boy types. Almost to a person, those women have been either: raped, beaten, mentally and emotionally abused, or abandoned. A family member and several very close friends are among their numbers, so I know the whereof of which I speak.

My guy may not be a challenge or have "edge," but I'll take him over the other kind ANY day. In my book, "boring" beats bruises, abuse, and abandonment any day. . .and I've lived long enough to know from observation.

Keep looking -- the right woman is out there for you. Don't settle for anyone who doesn't appreciate you for the honest, caring, loving person that you are. God bless!

Answer 2

I think that women that like men that are abusive and unfaithful because they see something else. They might see it as a challenge and not realize that they are hurting themselves in doing so. Low self worth and self esteem is another reason for this. They just give themselves to any man because they simply don't see that there is anything better out there. It could be that they think that those guys are good enough for them or maybe that these kinds of guys are hard to get. They don't realize that they are creating more problems for themselves by devoting themselves to someone who is unfaithful, dishonest, and unethical. And even when there are with the person, they try to look for a way out but can't find one because they are in the mindstate that they must stay with the person because of insecure feelings. Also, they may be confused or convince themselves that these guys love them even though they have an extra girlfriend on the side for every day of the week. It takes someone with intelligence, morals, and good faith and honesty to like someone with good characteristics. A woman that chooses someone abusive over a good man is only fooling herself, whether she is doing it intentionally or unintentionally.

Answer 3

I was married to a man who considered himself a man of integrity. His only vice was cigarettes (we share that vice). He didn't drink, do other drugs, gamble (while we were married), and claimed not to run around (he lied about that one). I didn't find him boring at all. I divorced him because he had a terrible need to control MY behavior (which I didn't think was out of control). Apparently it was HIS opinion that women had no integrity until a man showed her the way.

I don't buy the "bad boy" or "boring" thing. Everyone is an individual and we all have good traits and bad. It's just what a person is willing to accept or, not accept, from another person. People (including family) were shocked when we divorced, thinking we had a perfect marriage, two upstanding citizens who did right all the time. They had no idea, because I would not dare show it, that my own home was a virtual prison.

I have taken a vow, to myself this time, never to hand over my freedom to any man. I have also accepted the fact that men are not monogamous critters. We live and we learn.

This may or may not answer your question, it may or may not sound "intelligent" to you, but it's all I have to go by.

If you wife finds you too boring, take up sky diving or some other risky hobby. Then she can brag what a well-rounded bad boy you really are.

Answer 4

Immature girls believe that men should be unfaithful, lazy, dishonest and verbally abusive. They want a bad boy, yet when they get one- the complain they are being treated badly or they accept it. Wrong answer! Grow up girls! You should not be valued by what is between your legs but by what is between your ears! If a girl accepts that kind of behavior from a man, she is NOT a girl that you want. Its her and not you! Yes, they have low-self esteem because either they were never taught to value themselves and probably didnt have a good relationship with their own father. This is your chance to STOP the cycle! Do not allow yourself to get involved with a girl like this. Continue to be a gentleman and be yourself! There will be a woman out there that will appreciate you for being you..and she will be a woman that values herself. You wont be boring to her! And that is what counts! You dont want, cubic zirconia's because they are a dime a dozen, you wait for the diamond! Take it from me..when I started to date again, I was looking for a guy who was healthy mentally and physically, a leader, intelligent, honest, a hard worker but also kind and caring. That is NOT boring! Men like that are HARD to find. But, I found one with a little perserverance! Good Luck!

Answer 5

Not at all. I can honestly say a lot of women dream of having a man who is confident, mentally and physically healthy, etc. But take it from me it is the hardest kind of may to find. You may think that women look for me that are not worth there time, but remember women often to be honestly settle down look at the good and trying to mend the bad in me.

Me of integrity do not have to start being losers they just have to keep on looking because good women are also looking, looking really hard.

Answer 6

Honestly, a lot of women need someone they think they can fix -whether they realize that is why or not. One day they come to that realization. If a man is already strong and indepedant, there's nothing there to fix. Women have the natural need to nurture and mother and unfortunately that bleeds over into relationships as well many times. Personally, I think men like you described are the sexiest. A family man who is devoted, caring, intelligent, and strong is the biggest turn on.

Answer 7

I would prefer a "boring" man anytime. i think it has to do with a woman having low self esteem and maybe feel that it might all be too good to be true to find a man with all those good qualities. Most women come across men who won't treat them good so they tend to settle for less. They always have hope that the "bad boy" might change one day. I don't see a man with your good qualities boring or too nice, in-fact men like that are very hard to find, so i think that any woman who comes across a man like that should hold on tight.

Answer 8

Women do at times have low self-esteem and yes they do sometimes believe they deserve it or cant get any better. Should men start acting like ***** because women seem to just want "bad boys", no..... We want to find a sweet guy who will treat us with respect and love but we don't see very many out there like that. Then when we do find somebody like that it either scares us because they are so great or we feel like we dont deserve them and so we try to push them away so they wont get hurt. There are also those clingy guys though that we avoid as much as possible. They are complete sweet hearts but act like they would die if you didn't call them every two seconds...lol.. Girls seem to like bad boys because of the thrill. They don't however seem to realize that the good guys have a bad guy thrill in them too, just mainly in the bedroom... lol...
The challenge thing does come into play sometimes though. Well just think about it, why do you strive to get the best job and best house, and best looking girl? It's a challenge, all of us are looking for something to want or strive after that can't be just handed to us on a silver platter. Does that me we want to have a bad boy type, no.... We just don't want it to be too easy. We like the hard to get type thing, the teasing and waiting builds excitement. We also want a guy who we feel is no better then we are and because we have a past we hold on to more then guys do theirs we still feel 3 levels below what we really are at this point in our life. So we go after guys who are closer to the level we feel we are at.. We truly don't want to be treated bad but we settle for what we feel we deserve or can get.... It also depends on where we live, what are parents are like, are past experiences, how many times we've gotten hurt or used... etc.
We also don't know where to look for these good guys. I mean normally the only places to go are bars, clubs, bowling, or church, at least where I live that's about it. So how do we find a good guy in any place other then church? And if your a good gal then you don't hit on a guy at church.... So what options are we left with... We feel this overwhelming biological clock ticking away and we can't seem to find a guy that is worth half our time let alone our hand in marriage. So we settle for a guy that is close to good and we have had a little fun with... If they can make us laugh and have a few good times then we except the rest as just part of the package...
Women also have a wall they put up when their scared of getting hurt. So they put it up until the guy seems like he cares (which to a girl is giving her a flower) and then they let it all down. Then they end up getting hurt because they let it down to the wrong guy and they put it up and add a little more to it which makes it even harder for them to trust the next guy. Well by the time a good guy comes around their wall is reaching clouds and their trust has been battered and broken to the point of giving up and getting revenge.... So the good guy ends up being the one we get revenge on for all the bad guys who have come along and he's the one we use... Not knowing he's a good one.....
Well that's just a little bit of what happens and why Women act the way they do towards the good ones... There are many more reasons but they all come down to just a few main things, not enough of you and don't know where to find you and dont feel like we deserve you...
-Melianie

Answer 9

i'm a variety of uncommon women human beings then. i choose a guy who has integrity, cares, loves, and has know for others. he shouldn't stay around long if i detect out he's lazy. i do no longer choose somebody who i choose to alter. i choose somebody who does not could replace. a guy who's relatively a guy and not a take a seat-at-domicile, drink beer, waste funds, disrespectful, cussing fool. A temper, cussing, scuffling with (for undesirable motives), dishonest (in any variety or style), and basically approximately any undesirable habit might get a guy knocked from my checklist. That guy defined on your 2d paragraph "on the different hand, a guy who's useful, mentally and bodily healthful, a community chief, sensible, romantic, uncomplicated, and dedicated to his spouse and teenagers, is considered as "boring" and "too superb". " is precisely what i'm finding for. they are uncommon the place I stay and that i anticipate assembly a guy like that.

Answer 10

I don't know why women feel as though they need a bad boy to feel wanted, secure, BLAH BLAH BLAH! I know I THOUGHT that was what I wanted, but once I realized how bad he was for me I left him. I guess (and I know this sounds stupid) but when a guy acts like a bad boy then we think he may be able to protect us that much more than a good guy would. And in my case I knew he relied on me for everything, it feels good to a woman to be relied on...it's that inate motherly nature that MOST women have that makes them feel that since he relys on me he needs me and appreciates me and the more I do the more he will love me...I know it sounds crazy but I went through it and I know tons of other women have too!