is this forgivable or will it just happen over and over?

Question

if someone gets angry, throws things around the house such as an electric heater, your purse, and several other belongings...tells you you're worthless, threatens to kill himself, then tells you that you're going to hell for throwing them out in the street, even though you haven't (basically this person goes psycho for about 3 hours)...then the next day is acting all normal, would you forgive this person, or get them out of your life and just move on? if he didn't physically hurt you but said a lot of hurtful things (and does this on a semi-regular basis), but always promises to change and feels bad about it later, how would you deal with it? What if you were married to this person?

Answer 1

Sounds like someone needs real professional help, more than anyone on here can provide. I think if I were in your position, I'd be really, really concerned about this person's temper and their state of mind. Be careful.

Answer 2

Well just because he doesn't physically hurt you doesn't mean it is not abuse. Mental abuse has long term effects as well. It can eventually lead to physical abuse and from what you wrote, it seems as though it will.
All abusers apologize afterwards for their behavior, that is mental abuse too. He hurts you, then apologizes and is probably extra nice to you afterwards. You are in a quandry by then and you also become sympathetic and probably blame yourself for his actions. Please talk to a professional about this before it gets harder to do so. Please let others know, other then on here, what is going on in your life. Do not become a statistic. I am sure you have feelings for him and I can understand that but if you don't get help or get him help, then you are actually hurting him in the long run. There are plenty of places where you can go to obtain assistance with your problem and they can even be a mediator for when these outbursts occur. He could even be suffering from some mental disorder where medication can help.
When someone goes ballistic for 3 hours, then their mood changes dramatically in just a short time, can mean many things, physical and mental. So please seek help. You are the main concern here and remember: YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG....don't allow his mental abuse make you feel as though this is your fault and your doing and your stuck with this life. Even though you are married, you need to care for your own well being and you don't deserve to live like this, worried what will set him off. You should be caring partners to each other and you deserve respect too.
Good luck and please get help.

Answer 3

It is NOT forgivable at all. It will only gets worse, I can promise you that! I was married to a man that was good when we first got married, then as time went on it got worse and worse. By the time that we were married for 17 years I couldn't take it any longer so I got out and filed for a divorce. We even had 2 kids together as well. If you need someone to talk to about this feel free to email me. I know what I am talking about here. It was just getting angry at first then it was throwing stuff, then it was throwing ME. Get out now while you can. Email me.

Answer 4

Only you can make the decision to leave the person or to stay with them, but it sounds like they may be suffering from a depressive disorder, or minimally have anger management issues. I would suggest a conversation while the person is feeling apologetic for an outburst, on the abnormality of such outbursts and insist upon something being done to control them.(ie- professional help/medication/counselling) It's your life. It's your choice. One way or the other you don't have to live that way.

The longer you tolerate it the more it becomes YOUR fault too, for facilitating it.

Answer 5

First of all you already probably know he will not go to a therapist, most people wouldn't thinking they can control it on their own. If this is a relationship you are committed to in saving then maybe you both can attend a few anger management classes. He is more likely to attend if you showed him this is really important for him and you and for the future of your marriage. If you are having 2nd thoughts about your marriage or a gut instinct it might be time for a separation only because I fear this behavior could lead to him physically harming you. I only hope there are no children. Good luck.

Answer 6

Seems like ur hubby needs a whole lot of help...i was the same way until doing the same thing put me in jail..i then realized that i had a problem and I needed to fix it...so i went to the doctor got some medication and started seeing a theripist...i still get angry but nothing like i use to...good luck

Answer 7

There is a difference between being upset and showing signs of being an abuser. He sounds like he could harm you at some time. Emotional abuse is not normal and hurts just as bad as being physically abused. It can hold you back and make you dependent on him. And it will not get better if you get married.

Answer 8

It will just happen over and over. I had an ex boyfriend who I ALMOST married *thank God I didn't* who did the exact same crap. I thought I could be wonder woman and help him. I thought he needed counseling so I would arrange for it, or he needed his medication so I would go get it...then I realized how pathetic I was for doing any of it. HE is the ONLY one who can help himself. Sadly enough, they rarely do. But either way it's not a situation where you need to put yourself in. Get out!!!! Thing's will more than likely just get worse.....good luck to you

Answer 9

GET OUT BEFORE HE START GETTING BORED WITH THROWING THINGS AND GET ON WITH WHAT COMES NEXT. HE NEEDS ANGER MANAGEMENT, NOT A RELATIONSHIP. DO YOU REALLY NEED A BLACK EYE TO GET HIS POINT? MARRIAGE DOESN'T MEAN TAKE AN A*S WHIPPIN'. HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF YOUR DAUGHTER WAS GOING THROUGH THIS? WOULD THIS BE A QUESTION? WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO TELL YOUR FATHER & MOTHER WHEN THEY HAVE TO VISIT YOU IN THE E.R.THERE ARE ISSUES THAT WERE THERE BEFORE YOU GOT HIM, AND THATS NOT YOUR PROBLEM. YOU DIDN'T SAY YOUR NAME WAS DR, PHILL SO DON'T THINK YOU CAN, OR ARE QUALIFIED TO HELP HIM. HE'S GOING TO DO THIS TO WHAT EVER GIRL WILL PUT UP WITH IT!!! YOU CAN'T GET OVER THIS WITH HIM BECAUSE YOU ALREADY LET HIM GET AWAY WITH IT BEFORE, AND HE'S HAS NO REASON TO CHANGE WITH YOU BECAUSE HE'S COMFORTABLE WITH HOW HE'S ALREADY GROOMED YOU.

Answer 10

This person has a serious emotional problem and needs therapy and/or medication. If the person becomes stable through medical help, your problems are solved. If not, you need to separate!