so last week, i asked the love of my life to marry me. in the 28 years i have been alive, i have never asked anybody that one question before. here is the catch, when i asked her that question, i wanted her to REALLY think about it, & i gave her two weeks to decide. now she came back to me last night needing more time. i gave her that time frame b/c she acts like she wants to marry me, but i just want her to make sure. so let's say next week comes, & she can't give me an YES answer, what do i do? am i waiting again & again like before when she couldn't make up her mind, and really...kind of putting me to the side, or, do I draw a line in the sand and say "well if you havent made your mind up by now, i dont think it's meant to be" any advice on this "im damned if i do - im danmed if i don't" situation would help a lot. i love her, i dont want to lose her, but i also dont want to be put second, or like a toy on the shelf to where she'll take me down when she wants to be entertained.
2006-12-02 05:13:46 · 11 answers · asked by brianju 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
How long have you been dating her?
If it hasn't been long enough, this may be the problem.
2006-12-02 05:18:23 · answer #1 · answered by Daiquiri Dream 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. You win the prize for the toughest question of the week. I'm so sorry that you're going through this.
It's so hard to give advice when it comes to matters of the heart, as sometimes reason goes out the window.
If she's that uncertain, maybe this isn't the right time. Is she like this in all her decisions -- taking a long time to decide? How important is it to you to be married rather than continue to date? How did you ask her? Did you tell her that she's the love of your life and you want to spend the rest of your life with her and making her happy? Does she express the same sentiment?
Maybe ask her how she feels about you. Ask her if she feels she's truly in love with you and if she sees a future with you. Maybe say some things that will allow her to see the future -- tell her that you want to share your lives, be married, have children, be a family, have grandchildren and grow old together. Tell her that if she doesn't see these things also, she needs to let you know. Ask her what she wants out of life -- out of you. Waiting and not discussing these things will only drive YOU crazy and put a wedge of detachment between the two of you.
Good luck & take care of YOURSELF!!!
2006-12-02 13:22:45 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well....give her the time you said you would and then it's up to you...if you give her an ultimatum, then you may lose her...if you don't then you could be waiting around for a long time....sounds like this is a pattern with her.....if she doesn't say yes, I would make a clean break, move on with your life, find someone who will love you the way you love them and want ....really want to spend the rest of their life with you....good luck
2006-12-02 13:22:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Put ur foot down and tell her "It's time NOW to make up ur mind...i mean either she loves u and wants to marry u or she doesnt...if she truely loved u it wouldnt have taken her even the 2 weeks in the first place to answer u...sounds to me like ur an awesome guy and anyone would be happy to have u..good luck
2006-12-02 13:18:19 · answer #4 · answered by Michele 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She shouldn't have to really think about it so long. Maybe she is really scared or maybe she isn't ready to make that kind of commitment yet. I wouldn't give her any more time. When my husband asked me I knew the answer right away I didn't need time I know I loved him that much to say I do
2006-12-02 13:18:56 · answer #5 · answered by Babie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please, just don't rush it. She's thinking the worst right now too.
If she says no then you will want to break up with her. If she says yes then she is feeling pressured when she's not ready.
You may have to go in and tell her that maybe you both are not ready and keep being best friends and partners. Just talk to her about this and then go on from there.
No added pressure.
2006-12-02 13:18:55 · answer #6 · answered by Prissie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you've been enjoying your time together already, then I really don't see there there's any hurry to get married. Give her all the time she wants, just tell her to try to look at it in terms of actually reaching a decision rather than waffling about it forever. In the meantime, be nice to her and try not alienate her in any way.
2006-12-02 13:18:07 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't ask her again. Let it drop completely. If she wanted to marry you, and felt secure in your relationship, she would've said yes everyday of that two weeks and everyday since. You might want to shop around for a new g/f.
2006-12-02 13:16:46 · answer #8 · answered by Jeri C 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Be patient. Don't draw conclusions now. She is the love of your life, right?
2006-12-02 13:19:05 · answer #9 · answered by sf_huda 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She might feel trapped or is being pushed, or scared. Give her time without bringing it up again and that will make her wonder.
2006-12-02 13:16:21 · answer #10 · answered by rhonda_seiler 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you 2 need to evaluate your relationship then. you already gave her 2 weeks....i would think that if she is ready to marry you then she would know right away.
2006-12-02 13:16:10 · answer #11 · answered by Starry Eyes 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋