Rather personal i suppose but im confused. I started sixth form this year and everyone has matured etc etc. So i told my closest friends including my bets friend that im gay. I feared telling my best friend, so i told him second. But everything is fine, but it feels too fine if that makes sense? It's a bit of an anti-climax. Nothing has changed, I even feel close to my bets friends than ever before.
But the thing that is effecting me as such is that the subject seems taboo. I can't really bring it up, and when i say little jokes about it (I study English lit and brought up that an army of 100 men would eb my cup of tea) the mood changes. I know my friends till care for me because when I was punched waiting for a bus, they got really defensive etc and worried because they thought it was connected.
But how do i bring it up? I think they need reassuring, but i don't know how to do it. Sorry i've gone on a bit, but i don't really have anyone to talk to and it's getting me down.
2006-12-02 04:31:45 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
I don't expect the conversation to be brought up all the time, just that ti hasnt been mentioned since. Hope that is a bit clearer.
2006-12-02 04:55:06 · update #1
Mate the second you become relaxed about it and feel certain with in yourself then thing's will change. Don't worry coming out is never going to be easy, truth is you need to explore, Get some boyfriends and learn to appreciate gay culture and such.
2006-12-02 04:36:39 · answer #1 · answered by ANTJOHN 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok, well-done for havnig the balls to come out - it can be a difficult time in the "run up" to outing yourself - especially with best friends and so on. Too much to lose etc.
As for the anti-climax, that is how it feels when everyone just happily accepts is and moves on. These days being gay is no big deal for most people - thankfully it doesn't have the same stigma it used to many years ago. Of course there are still a few homophobes about but they are something of a dying breed.
As for the subject being taboo, try to bear in mind that you have known about your sexuality for sometime, your friends have had a little less time to get used to the idea and the "taboo" sense you are getting is perhaps them still feeling a little unsure about quite what they think.
A little adjustment time perhaps
You say "they need reassuring", may I ask you to spell out what you think the need reassurance about? Perhaps edit your question to add a little more info to calrify this please.
2006-12-02 12:42:52 · answer #2 · answered by Mark T 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
mayb they dont no how 2 approach the subject either and dont want to say anything in case you get upset..n the reason they havent said anything isnt coz they are embarressed its coz they dont want u feeling awkward which you shouldnt do as everyone has the rite to live as they want wether it be gay lesbian or woteva,u say u no ur m8s still care and thats good so that should b enough 4u 2 approach them or try talking to the lad your closest to in your group if they are true m8s they will understand..u neednt b treated different coz ur not you are the same as everyone else and im sure your friends can c that..plz dont apologise 4 going on this is wots its all about here u want advice and were here giving it...chin up hun all the best let us no how it goes n 1 last thing NEVER b ashamed of who u r or ur sexuality xxx
2006-12-02 18:13:05 · answer #3 · answered by greyhound mummy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Firstly well done for being courageous enough to be honest with your friends, it can be a very daunting thing for a lot of people.
It sounds like your friends have accepted your sexuality, but have you ever thought that they haven't actually come to terms with theirs yet? Teenage years are very turbulant times and some people are just not comfortable with talking about desires and sexuality. If the mood changes, then just go with it.
Another thing worth thinking about is that maybe it's you who haven't quite come to terms with coming out.
Did you expect your friends to somehow legitimise your decision to come out by discussing it all the time? All you asked of them was to accept you, not to support you.
I know coming out was probably a very big thing for you, but to your friends it was just you telling them about your preferences, maybe they don't realise how important coming out was to you.
If you decided to date a girl, would they spend all day giving you advice on the girl and supporting your decisions with your girlfriend. Remember, women have been moaning about men's inability to get in touch with their feelings since the beginning of time. Maybe you have more empathy than most and expect the same of your friends....It's no coincidence so many women have gay men as best friends!!!
If you find you need support with your sexuallity or choice of lifestyle it may be worth finding a support network such as an online forum or chatroom specifically for gay teenagers.
I'm sure given time, your relationship with your friends will settle down. You're all learning to be adults at the moment and each of you will have your own trials to deal with. Be there for your friends and I'm sure they will be there for you.
2006-12-02 12:46:08 · answer #4 · answered by THE BULB 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you need to bring it up all the time? Do they mention they are straight at every moment?
Just carry on how you have always been with them. They know you gay and are fine with it so whats the problem.
2006-12-02 12:47:15 · answer #5 · answered by benn26k 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Awh, sounds like you could do with a big hug!
You can tell that they care because they stuck up for you...I dont think that you have anything to worry about. They are just probably getting used to the idea that you are gay, it sounds weird i know....but it will take time for them to feel comfortable enough to be able to bring it up with you. They may feel that they dont want to hurt or upset you if they were to question you.
I think that you invite them over for a pizza or something and bring it up with them....you will feel alot better.
Keep your chin up.
2006-12-02 12:43:22 · answer #6 · answered by chloe 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've had friends who have told me that they were gay or bi and they were friends who I have been friends with since the 6th grade. In total I've had three friends who have told me they were either gay or bi. My friend megan during lunch one day said I am bi and I was a little shocked and she said I am bi. Then every now and then she would talk about the kind of girls like she like and it because apart of everyday life. Then their was my first friend that told me she was gay. That was during history class she walk up to me and said I am and then from there it became like everyday convo I like that girl and so on. Then there was my last friend who told me she was gay and that was just a couple of weeks ago. She said she didnt want to keep something from me and was scared I was look at her differently and I said no matter what we would still be friends. She then told me she was gay and I was cool with it and she was so scared I wouldnt have not wanted to be friends with her anymore.Then she would bring up on daily convo about looking for a girlfriend or that she has been apart of the gay and straight alince(sp?) at school. So pretty much bring it up like you were going to talk about clothes I mean come on it is apart of who you are so just be opened about it and bring it up like there is nothing wrong which there isnt.
2006-12-02 12:43:08 · answer #7 · answered by The_Morbid_One 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Straight guys in general have a ton of "gay" jokes. They probably afraid of slipping out a gay joke and they don't want to hurt your feelings. Straight guys don't care if you are gay...IF it's not talked about. Once it's brought up, it's a foreign subject so they won't say anything at all.
2006-12-02 12:38:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
hi there your not alone my brother in law realised at 14 he was gay, your mates seem to still be your mates from what you have said, but i think they dont fully know how to deal or discuss it, its not their falt they probably have never been confronted with this before, talk to them, if they are true mates they will understand and stick by you and speak openly tell them you want them to ask questions and be open, good luck you will be fine just be honest with yourself and then take care
2006-12-02 13:11:56 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
OK, so you've told them, but they don't want you to keep throwing at them all the time, so the next time you see something about which you could make an amusingly gay quip, DON'T. Keep it for your gay friends. The straights will tolerate, but don't overdo it.
2006-12-02 12:55:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋