I'm a total nerd
I can't write to save myself
not a single word
2006-12-02 04:09:32 · 9 answers · asked by Dr Know It All 5 in Education & Reference ➔ Words & Wordplay
A traditional Haiku has many features not just the 5-7-5 syllable count, which to my eye you have achieved quite cleverly. (1 point for that)
The other features of haiku are that it needs to be about something in nature, (yours is about you which is something in nature 1 point for that)
Traditional haiku also need to nominate a season which you have failed to do. (No points for that)
It also needs to be about a specific point in time not a general time period and you didnt achieve that (No points for that)
Haiku should also be clever which yours is so another point there.
That is three points out five or a total of 60% you passed.
2006-12-02 06:40:55 · answer #1 · answered by wollemi_pine_writer 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Here are examples of good Haiku; you could learn from it:
Cat Haiku
The food in my bowl
Is old, and more to the point
Contains no tuna.
So you want to play.
Will I claw at dancing string?
Your ankle's closer.
There's no dignity
In being sick - which is why
I don't tell you where.
Seeking solitude
I am locked in the closet.
For once I need you.
Tiny can, dumped in
Plastic bowl. Presentation,
One star; service: none.
Am I in your way?
You seem to have it backwards:
This pillow's taken.
Your mouth is moving;
Up and down, emitting noise.
I've lost interest.
The dog wags his tail,
Seeking approval. See mine?
Different message.
My brain: walnut-sized.
Yours: largest among primates.
Yet, who leaves for work?
Most problems can be
Ignored. The more difficult
Ones can be slept through.
Cats can't steal the breath
Of children. But if my tail's
Pulled again, I'll learn.
I don't mind being
Teased, any more than you mind
A skin graft or two.
So you call this thing
Your "cat carrier." I call
These my "blades of death."
Toy mice, dancing yarn
Meowing sounds. I'm convinced:
You're an idiot.
2006-12-02 12:29:12 · answer #2 · answered by Gregnir 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't follow the 5-7-5 syllable scheme, otherwise it is good.
Rate 6 out of 10.
2006-12-02 12:13:19 · answer #3 · answered by yakkydoc 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
2 out of 5. I get the whole "I can't write poetry, so I'll just be silly" thing, but try to make it funnier.
2006-12-02 12:12:13 · answer #4 · answered by Smitty Carmichael 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pretty good, needs a little work though.
2006-12-02 12:14:44 · answer #5 · answered by juttensgurl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honestly it sucks
2006-12-02 12:11:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's correct, if nothing else
2006-12-02 12:12:16 · answer #7 · answered by T Time 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its true
2006-12-02 12:15:11 · answer #8 · answered by Just me 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow you suck
2006-12-02 12:12:38 · answer #9 · answered by iceman8872 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋