My friend hooked me up with this guy that was attending college in my hometown.I was attending college in a nearby city. Long story short, we both cheated and admitted it, but we decided to work it out. We agreed to forgive each other and move on. I thought we had been successful. We eventually moved in with each other and later got married. Once we were married, he wanted to know my whereabouts at all times. If I told him I was going to hang out with friends, he would call me constantly. I was the total opposite, I encouraged him to hang out with people. He even made some female friends and we all hung out. I was not concerned about him cheating. Now, six years into the marriage, he tells me that he never got over the cheating while we were dating. Maybe that explains why he has been making my life a living hell. If we both cheated and it was before the marriage, why is he still holding on to it?
Should we just call it quits?
2006-12-02 03:40:58 · 14 answers · asked by Twilight 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Men are just selfish. Tell him he needs to grow up or your out.
2006-12-02 03:43:40 · answer #1 · answered by Asia 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Men cheat. Women cheat. BUT, only married people can cheat, because only married people have made the formal commitment to a relationship that requires fidelity. So, what you both did wasn't cheating. Yup, it was lousy, dishonest, and perhaps low class- but it wasn't cheating. Your husband is wrong to hold anything you did prior to your marriage against you. Especially so, since he knew before you married. Calling it quits is a bit extreme. Why not try calling him constantly every time you go anywhere? Like, every 5 minutes. Or, even more often. He'll get tired of answering a call from every isle in the supermarket, and from every stoplight. Yes, it's silly, but we ALL do silly things, and by calling HIM every time you are out, he may realize that checking up is silly. Marriage requires trust, or marriage is a kind of prison. Good luck
2006-12-02 12:23:27 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to give this advice, but yes time to call it quits. The marriage was doomed from the start. The foundation was shaky, which results in an inevitable collapse.
If there are kids involved you should try and work through it, for their sake, unlikely it would work out though.
There will never be trust between both of you, moreso for the man. In my opinion, I think that it is more difficult for men to let go of infidelity than it is for women. I can't give a good reason for this without sounding like a sexist jerk. But I think that it is kind of "expected" of men to cheat. While women are expected to remain faithful (I know, I know, terrible double standard).
But anyway, I can't understand why you guys got married in the first place, it seems you don't even care about each other.
Good Luck to the twain (lol....I've always wanted to use that word.....doesn't sound right though)
2006-12-02 11:49:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Being a man that has cheated many times I can tell you first hand.I had this crazy idea that my wife wasn't good enough for me.It was an ego thing.After 25 years I found out that she had cheated on me.I didn't take this very well.2 wrongs don't make 1 right.WE forgave each other and got on with our life.We are very close to 50 years now.WE have never mentioned the past because it is just that,the past.We are so much in love with one another.I have 100% trust in her as she does in me.I hop[e your husband can get over the past and look at a long future together.Good luck I hope my lesson will help someone.
2006-12-02 11:57:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
HE must know this phase well" One you cheat and get away with it why not keep cheating" So someone is cheating but it isn't you, he knows that if he's cheating, you are too. Because it's his nature to think right off that your cheating also. But if you two really want to work it out go to a marriage counselor then if he doesn't change divorce his ***. ANd you go on with your life. Because if teh cheating happened beofre marraige to each other there shouldn't be a problem.
2006-12-02 11:49:34 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He won't get over it until he possibly seeks counceling. Your marriage is doomed, if there is no trust. He isn't trusting you when you go out with friends.
Men can't take it because it smashes their egos. They like being in control. Once he heard you cheated too, he realized he wasn't in control of you let alone his own actions at the time.
His constant calling you when your out now with friends, is his trying to gain back contol of you, maybe not his actions, but you.
2006-12-02 11:50:16 · answer #6 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, divorce is the easy way out, please try to make it work, if talking to him won't get anywhere get marraige counseling, there is nothing there that you two can't work through! If he truly loves you then you can work this out and if not maybe he will learn to love you! Be strong and stay true, the worst thing you can do it try to get over a divorce over this. It will create more problems and not solve anything!
2006-12-02 11:48:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit down and explain to him that the only way that you two are going to make your marraige work is with trust and honesty. If he had these suspiscions then he should have let you know before you got married. Talk it out and continue to work on your marraige. I hope everything turns out ok
2006-12-02 11:45:39 · answer #8 · answered by chloerochelle102887 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he is being selfish and he needs to learn to trust you!
now that you are married...he is insecure too, he thinks you might cheat on him again...you gots to give him an ultimatum and tell him that if he doesnt stop wit the bulls*** then your gon leave his @ss.
act on what you think is right girl, dont let him get away wit making your life a livin hell!
2006-12-02 11:45:57 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You got married, and marriage is for better or worse FOREVER. Work it out. Try talking to him. Be willing to compromise and hopefully he will too. Hang in there and be strong and understanding.
2006-12-02 11:44:58 · answer #10 · answered by Jake S 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i do belive the two of you need to go see a doctor and talk this out. but from my point of view a man can't take anything that we do. well if a man can have a baby they wouldn't have many children, hell they can't take the pain. so ask him to go get help with you to get it out on the table
2006-12-02 11:47:49 · answer #11 · answered by sexie1949 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋