been together 20 yrs, with 2 kids. Found out about the affair 3 months ago. Still cant get over it. He has been out of the house over 1 month. I miss him so, but hate him the same time for doing this. How can i possibly get over this.
2006-12-02 03:16:09 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
please permit me to answer this question for you with an example that is shown below:
here is the example:
i remember many years ago when i was married to a beautiful girl but i thought that we were going to be able to see 10, 15, 20 years together but what happened is that she was money hungry and that she didn't love me at all.
when i found out it hurted me a lot (because it was my first marriage) and with plenty of time i realized that what i was a good husband but she was an aweful wife and i decided to give to her a divorce many years ago.
right now, i only realize that what i did was the correct thing and that she right now must be as happy as can be to try her best to milk out some money from her second husband (if any).
in short: the divorce will hurt a lot right now but with time the pain will cease and you will realize that what i am saying is the honest truth.
2006-12-02 03:37:08 · answer #1 · answered by soar_2307 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
yes it hurts and it's going to hurt for as long as you let it. You have to release the pain of what is making you hurt. You invested a lot of time and you share children together. It doesn't feel good when someone you felt so much for can treat you like that. Be thankful for your children, be thankful for your health, be thankful for being alive and teaching your children life's lessons. Be thankful that now you have the opportunity to improve yourself phyiscally, mentally, spirtiually. Now is the beginning of your new independant life with wonderful children to watch grow up. Now is the time to get that ultimate job you always wanted. Now is the time to learn something new. It could be anything. It could be running, it could be an art class, it could be learning to play an instrument, it could be something that you've always wanted to do, but couldn't because you had marital responsibilites. Act now and release the pain. Crying is a good way to release. It will take a little time but it will pass.....The more you cry the easier it gets. After a while you will actually get tired of crying and you will figure out there's so much more out there in this world. You will meet another man. You will be a better person. You will be a better mother......Anything is possible if you make the choice, but you have to choose first before anything can happen.
2006-12-02 11:25:51 · answer #2 · answered by danny_austin4 4 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Mine just left me after 15 years, I don't think he was cheating but who knows for sure. I'm really sorry to say that I can't find any answers as to how to feel better. My husband left on Oct 18th and it's still the only thing on my mind 24 hrs a day..I go through emotions in waves, one minute I'm crying my head off and the next I'm so mad I'm contemplating homicide. I think you just have to go minute by minute and try to make it through each day. I have heard that time heals all wounds and I think that is all there is to it. The hardest part for me is that I trusted him with my life and he ruined it without my having any choice in the matter and also the feeling of rejection is terrible. Keep in your mind that the Universe will bring to him what he has given out, and as for his mistress..is that who she wants to get started with is a guy that will do something like that to his wife and kids? It doesn't take a big stretch to realize if he would do it to you, he is capable also of doing it to her. Don't think of the wonderful things you had and could have had..make a list of everything you hated about him and read it when you start to think lovingly toward him. That's the best advice I can give you. If you come up with something that works for you let me know, I'd try anything at this point. You're husband has no character. People with character don't do things like that to the people that need/want/love them most in the world. My thoughts are with you my friend..I hope that you find some comfort soon. I know how you're hurting and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Hang in there!
2006-12-02 12:01:14 · answer #3 · answered by Just Me 3 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Wow, I am sorry for your pain, this has got to be a major blow to whole life. This is something that you may never fully recover from. I would think you will feel some loss over this the rest of your life. I am so sorry. You are going to have to pick up the pieces of what is left, and make a life without him with your children. Unfortunately, he has made the decision for you. I would go and speak with a counselor, it is always beneficial to speak out loud your feelings. A trained professional, is bound by laws of confidentiality, are non-bias and non-judgmental. And many have went into this field becasue they have experienced some major pain in their life. So the empathy and compassion are real. And just verbally expressing your feelings and letting them go. Is of great help. And if you don't know God, this would be a great time to pick up a bible. Ask him for the courage and strength, and knowledge you need to endure this. He will provide all of your needs and desires if you express it verbally out of your own mouth. I pray he heals your heart and the hearts of your children. Place yourself in the company of supportive family and friends. And try all of those things you set aside to be a wife and a mother. Take a class at the local university, read a great book, join a christian women's bible study! And most importantly allow yourself time to grieve, you have suffered great loss, the loss of 20 years of your life. It is quite like a death. Take each day, one day at a time, and know that each day the pain will lessen just a little more, and remember to everyday ask God to give you the strength, courage, and gain wisdom in this experience. I will keep you in my prayers. God will help you to forgive, and this is the begining of the healing process. God bless you and your family. ****
2006-12-02 11:32:00 · answer #4 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I am soo sorry! I can't imagine what that would feel like. I don't know how old you are, but my advise to you is to try being w/ your friends or family as much as possible. I would also suggest getting dressed up and going out to make yourself feel attractive again. You don't have to even talk to guys when your out. It will make you feel better when they look at you though. Just stay strong and KEEP telling yourself that " This too shall pass". When I get into very hard situations in life I tell myself this. You'll get through it and you WILL find someone later down the road that will treat you like to deserve to be treated. I promise. Just KEEP your open heart that you have. Good Luck!
2006-12-02 11:28:25 · answer #5 · answered by truebeing3030 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
First I am sorry this has happened to you. The only way I got over the pain, the hurt the upset was to find energy. Pain turned first to anger which helped guide me to what I had to accomplish. Then I realized that I cannot change anything. He did this and our relationship ended. Finally now rests as friends and we are civil. If you really want this over and do not want to think about professional counseling for the both of you. Then think about getting help for yourself. Do not slam the door with divorce unless you are confident that is how you want to solve this issue. If he is willing and you are willing go seek help. If not look forward not backwards. Good Luck
2006-12-02 11:19:58 · answer #6 · answered by chattylady47150 3 · 0⤊ 3⤋
all you need is time to forget all about this problem and please allow me to tell you what i mean:
i have a dear friend, who i have known since we were neighbors, and one day i learned from her that she decided to call it quits after 21 years of being married to her husband.
i will not go into the details because they are personal but one thing is for sure she had to sell her house where she was residing in for 21 years and to get onward with her life.
i saw my friend the other day and she must be doing great because she didn't cry at all if you have to compare her since when she got divorced to now, now she is better off.
here is another example:
i have another friend, whose name is robert who got married to a sweet girl but one day he got promoted to an executive and it came with a built in secretary.
during his 10 years where he worked according to his ex wife he had an extra marital affair with his secretary in which she (the secretary) became pregnant and he had to divorce his first wife before the baby was born.
the ex wife of his is my best friend and that i always try my best to offer to her any form of support possible during her time in need.
they have 2 children together.
the end resultis that he requested for a divorce and now they live their lives differently as they should.
with time, everything will heal. just take my advice and continue on with your life with your 2 kids.
2006-12-02 12:17:09 · answer #7 · answered by conde_c_b 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
That happened to me and i can tell you that you will be fine. I was suddenly alone at 35 and i started dating him at 15 ! He decided he wanted out and left us 6 yrs ago on Xmas eve for some girl he knew 3 weeks in the next state ! I was devasted for awhile but i looked foward to the future and took care of my kids .Cry all the tears you can cry and pick yourself up and move on ! He will realize someday what he has done and maybe come to his senses!Good luck !
2006-12-02 11:22:33 · answer #8 · answered by IT'S JUST ME ! 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Put one foot in front of the other and make each day better than the last. Take one day at a time. Each day, you'll feel less pain and be able to see clearly that you didn't deserve this and you will live a much happier life knowing that you're not being lied to.
2006-12-02 11:24:16 · answer #9 · answered by inlovewow 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You can forgive him you know if you both really love each other, and if it was the first time. Is he really sorry? Can you ever trust him again? Marriage counseling will help. You must search your inner self it is your choice. I don't think the pain will ever go away mine hasn't we were together 23 years. He is living with my best friend of 13 years so always know it could be worse!
2006-12-02 11:27:13 · answer #10 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 3⤋