is this correct? or his just actin cheap?

Question

I have my relationship (engaged) with my bf. He's from the states and I am from dominican Republic. we gonna get marry next year ( :
well, as his wife i will become, he wants me to go the states and live with him. For that, we need a marriage visa. he had been working alot and me too for save up money. Yesterday we were talking about the spends it requires for succeed the marriage visa which is kinda expensive ($600-1000 dls). he told me what we gonna do is to share the spends (each of us will pay the half-to-half). I didnt offended by that, but im just wondering if in the future things will be this way. Is this correct? I mean i'm not a spoil who wants everyhing-i-wish and neither I dont have any problem sharing.

is this a good sign of a good marriage? i mean,... the fact of know how to share things with your couple... can someone clear up this to me?

I will appreciate even more answers from experience ppl, thanks in advanced!

hey ..A correction here is that we wil be getting married BEFORE we both start succeeing the visa stuff. thaks

Answer 1

My money, your money, if you want to live like that. To me that can get kinda confessing when you try to determine who pays for what bills. As far a savings account? how can you save together when each is saving there own. For me, just consolidating all the money is one account works the best, both people are equal and the money is shared.

Answer 2

Don't just "move in with him." He will probably never marry you if that's what he wants now. If he really respected you, he'd wait and do it RIGHT.
Also, you'd be cheating the government by lying to them, and trust me, that's what he wants to do. He wants to get what he wants, but he doesn't care what it costs you. You'd probably be deported if the government ever found out that you two hadn't actually gotten married.
The worst part is that he is lying to you when he says he wants to marry you.
And NO, not everyone in the U.S. shares every expense 50/50. I've been married 28 years and my husband is the main supporter of our family. He always has been.
Your guy is not stepping up to the plate and paying even HIS fair share. If he REALLY wants to marry you, he can pay for your visa, as well as the Wedding. But if he gets you over here on the PRETEXT of eventually marrying you, then you'll be stuck here with a jerk.

Answer 3

Marriage is a half and half thing. There's no reason you shouldn't want to save your half of the money, unless you really don't want to be married.

In marriage, a good healthy way to operate is by shareing the expense, child raiseing, responsibiliities. IF you have a hubby who works outside the home and you stay at home, it should be your duty to clean the house, care for kids ( if there are any), have meals made. Care for the home. IF you both work outside the home, you should both share the responsibilities at home.

Save your share or marry a man from your country.

Answer 4

First of all, congrats on the engagement!!! I'm glad to see you didn't allow your prior fears get in your way :)

The only thought I can give on this matter is that I don't understand how you two will be "splitting" the cost when you'll already be married . . . In my view, (with money anyway) once you sign that paper, there is no more yours or mine . . . there is only "ours". Some people keep their money separate after they marry, I don't quite understand that. If you can't trust someone with your money, why are married to them? Maybe I'm a little too old-fashioned, but there's my thought :)

Good luck, and congrats again!

Answer 5

Marriage is a fifty-fifty street, what you might need to consider is this: is he being cheap or is he thinking that if you split the cost by 1/2 perhaps you can get to the states quicker. It could be that he simply does not have the funds to pay the whole thing, but needs your help.

Answer 6

It is not unusual for couples before marriage to share expenses. Shaving the expense of the visa is a good idea because I do not think you should pay all of it and neither should he. As far as sharing expenses in the future......once you are married he should take the responsibility of taking care of you. If you wish to contribute financially to the marriage that is fine. He should never think it is good to share expenses all the time even after you are married....it is not normal. I have a good friend in Miami and she is from Panama and we have been very good friends for a few years. I have paid for things for her and sent her gifts never expecting her to pay for anything for me or send me anything because I think the world of her. She knows I love her and I will do anything for her. I have helped her learn better english and she is a great lady. I think in your case it all depends on how much he loves you as to what he really wants and desires to do for you just like in my case. I refuse to let my lady...Rocio...pay for anything for me unless she insists.

Answer 7

Well, i was brought up in a family where man have to be 100 percent responsible for all the bills. I have Okinawan and American customs in my life. I told my wife that she can if she wants to but she doesn't need to pay the bills. I pay all the bills because #1 she carried our 2 daughters to full terms, #2 she cleaned, washed, cooked, and do other things to please me (of course, i help too because i want to), #3.. I, as her husband, need to make sure that my wife has love, care, and happiness and to also make sure that she doesn't feel overwhelmed by the responsibilites as a wife. In my opinion, as a husband, you shouldn't be paying for any marriage visa, he should be the only one to pay for the visa because he LOVES you.

Answer 8

I believe you two should take a engaged couples retreat or something to talk about issues like money, children, how often you will be able to visit your family, religion, sex. You need to make sure that you agree and are on the same page before you get married.

Answer 9

I'm Canadian but not much differ culturally from your bf.

Well, my friend, I'm said to say its a culture thing.

We are kind of "cheap" compared to boys back home sometimes. Going "dutch" is kind of accepted and people often have two incomes.

Money is obstacle in all relationships.

Still, if he has tons more money than you do, you might want to work the "payment" ratio a bit differently BEFORE you marry him.

Answer 10

me and my ex always split everything in half. i really didn't care, we were both responsible for using electric and living in the house and all that, it's only right we should have both paid. we both had jobs and i actually made more than him, so i didn't mind. i thnk people looked down on us for this, but i felt that i was being responsible and not lazy or cheap. now that i'm on my own, i know i can do it myself, while he's supporting his new girlfriend who is using him for his money. i feel like the better person.