Jan. 16 will be a year since I lost my baby boy due to an infection inutero. I want to commemerate his memory but my husband thinks I'm nuts and I should focus on the baby I'm carrying. Is it wrong to want to remember my son and to want my girls to remember they had a baby brother? I do love the baby I'm carrying, what mother wouldn't, but I want to remember the one I lost as well, he's part of me that I'll never get back, is that so wrong? How can I make my husband understand that I need to do this for my son?
2006-12-02 03:08:26 · 12 answers · asked by justwondering 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
It Probably doesn't feel as important to him because he didn't carry the baby... He didn;t understand YOUR immediate connection the minute that you find out that this tiny little being inside you is thriving on you and you alone. If your husband can't understand, its not that he doesn't give a damn, but maybe he just doesn't know how to deal with it himself. Especially if it was his SON... you said you had girls, so maybe he has his own sorrows and regrets that you should try and encourage him to tell you...Maybe he has his own demons for feeling like somehow it was HIS fault... Or if hes like my husband, that he couldn't protect you from the pain emotionally and physically.. he could feel like less of a man... These are things that I would try and think about in his shoes as well as your own pain, and maybe you could see a little insight as to why he seems so cold... And also, its been a year and guys can surpress and let go of their emotions much better then we can...
2006-12-02 03:32:24 · answer #1 · answered by MaNdAr 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should commemorate your son's memory..Your husband may just commemorate it in another way..You are not nuts for wanting to remember something that is part of you..I would probably be doing the same thing as you..I have never experienced it and pray that I wouldn't have to, but I have lost a niece when she was two weeks old and I always think of her...It's not saying you are a bad person for wanting to remember a life you were carrying..we have to remember those that touched us in order for us to move forward...Your husband may not understand because he can deal with the pain another way and he may feel to with you having another baby that it will replace the one you lost, but as time goes by he may realize that your soon to be baby can't replace what was lost..if that makes sense..Good luck and I"m so sorry for your loss
2006-12-02 11:41:36 · answer #2 · answered by dawn8_03 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through the same thing. I had a stillborn in 98 at full term although the doctors never found out what really went wrong. I went to his grave EVERY holiday and birthday ex....There is NOTHING wrong with remembering the ones who past away they are STILL part of you. I have had 1 great pregnancy sense and one on the way although I will NEVER for get my other son. I actually just went and put a small Christmas tree out on his grave not long ago! As far as your hubby understanding some people never do everyone takes it a different way so we have to understand that as well. I am VERY sorry about your loss. BEST WISHES
2006-12-02 11:19:10 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I SOOO feel you on this one.
I just lost my son at 21w3d due to incompatent cervix. Oct 26 2006....he lived for 3 hours!
You have to do anything you can for your boy! He is up there and he see's what you do. Even if your husband doesnt want to be involved you do what YOU need to do!
I have decided for my son (William) we are going to put a small christmas tree on his grave. Along with some flowers and and angel statue praying! Other family members got him a few things as well!
Little things to bring us confert help! Your husband needs to see that!
Its helps me to know that my little boy has your son to play with in the clouds!
Maybe you could make a website for him. Yahoo and angelfire offer free sites. You could put some poems up and write a letter to him!
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Does anyone know what today should be?
Anyone else or is it only me?
Does anyone know how great today would have been,
If you would have come now, instead of then.
It seems people forget; to them it is just another day.
But for me, I just can't think of it that way.
My heart aches and I can't stop the tears.
I keep on wishing that you were still here.
Others just don't understand why, today, I mourn.
Today is a special day
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Where did you go my precious one, why did you leave so soon?
I thought I took great care of you whilst you grew in my womb.
I tried to be so careful, I wanted you so much,
To watch my tummy grow and grow then finally feel your touch.
To smell your newborn baby's scent and hold your tiny hand,
To rock you tightly in my arms and tell you all I'd planned.
There was so much we had to do, much love I had to give,
I'm sure that you'd have loved me to if only you had lived.
Oh precious one, now you're not here, how can I carry on?
When will the darkness fade away, when will I see the sun?
My precious little baby, mummy's precious little one!
2006-12-02 11:29:12 · answer #4 · answered by angelmwilson 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Only a mother knows the lost of an unborn. Your husband will probably never understand,
maybe go to a chruch light a candle and pray. every year to honor him.
every May I remember my loss, and say prayer, it gets easier, but a mother love is never diminished by time, and once you are settle on a theory of heavens and God, it becomes much easier to deal with any loss.
2006-12-02 11:27:05 · answer #5 · answered by Make u 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you both just need to agree to disagree on this subject you say your pregnant again...I`m sure with a big young family in time the heartache of the lost little boy will fade...obviously it will never leave you but you will be able to accept it more readily...good luck for the future with your new baby...maybe you could donate something to the baby ward of your local hospital in your late sons name...
2006-12-02 11:18:19 · answer #6 · answered by geordie.lady 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
it's not wrong to want to remember, it just how you are grieving. your husband may be more comfortable moving on and not remembering though. everybody grieves differently. my suggestion would be to do something in private for right now, something low key like lighting a candle or making some cupcakes. something that you will understand the significance of, and will explain if anyone asks. and bot to let anyone get to you if they think it is inappropriate or silly.
2006-12-02 11:29:56 · answer #7 · answered by Donna L 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't try to make him understand.
Just commemorate that date.
It's not cause you are carrying another baby that you're not allowed to remember what happened.
I don't know you but simply by reading your question, I'm pretty sure you'll be a good mother.
I send you all my tenderness and wish you a long and happy life with your family !
2006-12-02 11:20:10 · answer #8 · answered by Vadim Badral Ali 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think only a woman can understand the feeling of a baby growing inside her. There is no other feeling. I think if it makes you feel better, then do it. But if you believe in God, remember, that your baby is in a much better place than we are.
2006-12-02 11:23:32 · answer #9 · answered by carly 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I understand his intent not to dwell on the past, but he needs to understand the emotional commitment you had.
I think he feels it's rather morbid and would rather forget about the incident and not the person.
There is a way to balance this so the son you lost is not forgotten, but you can focus on the living
2006-12-02 11:13:06 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋