it all began months ago when I caught him smoking, he lied to me about that. Then last monday I caught him looking at online porn (he has porn here and playboys so theres NO reason he needed to be looking at online porn behind my back)....so he lied about that. Then yesterday i glanced at his comp to check something out and found yahoo messenger convos dating all the way back to February w' a woman saying she is his angel and that he loved her but never met her (least in the one convo he said he hadnt)...so i asked him about it and he said he went to high school w' her yet according to the convo they never met. all in all i packed up a few things and took it to his parents house so when he got off work he could just go there cause i didnt wanna talk to him. then last night he called to "talk it out" and sort of blamed it all on me, that she treated him like a "human being". we have a 3 yr old son and a girl on the way, i just dont know what to do....
2006-12-02 02:30:57 · 15 answers · asked by clubsandra 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Do what you think is best in your heart!
He needs to pay for what he has done!
If that means you leaving him for good then so be it! Or if that means he goes to live with his mom and dad for a while then that's fine to!
you have to consider your kids to. What do you want them to see or hear.
Don't stay together for the kids....that can do more damage then divorce!
I hope you find the answers your looking for Hun! Good luck!
2006-12-02 02:36:59 · answer #1 · answered by angelmwilson 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
let me start by saying you did the right thing.
How dare him make a commitment to you and before god . What a huge disrespect to you, and your children. If he felt there were issues in the marriage and he felt tempted, he should have came to you as an adult and told you this, this way you could have worked on making things better for the both of you and building the marriage.
How dare him say I LOVE YOU to another woman, the nerve,
I can only imagine what a nightmare this is, I hope yuou find comfert in family and friends,I cant say what i'd do, i have children myself.
I was in a simialr situation years ago, very early on in my marriage, where I caught my husband conversing with a coworker a little too freaquent. needless to say i packed the kiddos up and left, he sat alone chirstmas eve and day, and finally when i made contact with him,I made the terms for getting together again. I knew he hadnt cheated but we went to counsling, and now we dont have friends or contact with the opposite sex unless the other one is aware of that person, and we know when contact has been made, it is not a daily thing,who did you talk to? where were you? but if a coworkler callls he can talk infront of me, and its not a big deal. but this is what helped me get over that.
you have to find comfert, if you cannot trust him, or over come this there is really no use on allowing him back, why live in qeustion, you need to be healthy minded to raise great little vhildren in to great people. you deserve happiness.
If you need to talk I will be a good listener, my email is jeshel99@yahoo.com
2006-12-02 10:43:40 · answer #2 · answered by Make u 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I just recently found my husband online looking at porn and he had signed up for many personals sites where he said in his profile..." looking for something discreet on the side, I am unhappy in my marriage" ... I decided that if we were gonna make it that he was going to have to be willing to open every aspect of his life to my questioning until I felt I could trust him again... he told me when I found it that he had come close to cheating but he hadn't yet and I found no proof that he had physically done anything... I chose to to try to work it out because I love my husband very much and he is the father of our two children and one on the way, (I am 28 weeks along), I didn't tell you this to rub in my decision but to tell you that I understand what you are going through and you have to decide if he is worth it for you to try.... but if he can't even take the blame for his own actions then I can guarantee that he will do it again.
Good luck
2006-12-02 11:00:23 · answer #3 · answered by Summer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, this sounds like a really hard situation to deal with. I know that it is better for kids to have as secure of a home as possible, so the question is, can you save your marriage? Can you get him to stop hiding things from you and be faithful to you? If you cant your kids would be much better off with just you. At this point I think you need to be most committed to your children. They deserve the best. So do what you can to give it to them, even if it involves marriage counseling or a divorce.
2006-12-02 15:18:30 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all this.
First of all, he's saying that it's your fault because you treat him badly? It's HIS fault. He has children with YOU and still chose to SELFISHLY lead this woman on. It is not your fault.
Well, one affair that never went into real life (at least we hope) doesn't mean he's an incurable philanderer. BUT combined with lying about smoking and porn, that definitely shows a problem with truthfulness. You have to think about this. Do you want this example for your son? And your unborn daughter?
Dear Abby always asks "Are you better off with him or without him?" Think about that. Do you deserve to be treated without an ounce of respect? Or are you a good person, deserving dignity and trust?
Honestly, if I were in your position (and I sincerely hope that I never am), I would give him one chance. He can go to couples counseling with you, and also solo counseling to get help with his compulsive lying. If he refuses he's out. File for divorce if you're married. Hit him with a child support suit and also ask for alimony payments if you're entitled to them. If he goes but doesn't shape up, he's still out.
I would never want that kind of example for my kids. And I wouldn't want to be treated that way myself. What will your son grow up thinking a husband does? What about his future wife's sake? I'd look at it from this perspective: Think 30 years in the future. How will you feel if your son does this to a woman? How will you feel if your daughter allows a man to do this to her?
This is a very difficult situation to be in, but you have my support. Even though we've never met one another! Also try to enlist your in-laws to help convince him to shape up. Just keep reminding yourself that YOU deserve to be treated like a "human being", much more so than a man who cheats on his wife and lies about nearly everything.
Good luck. I hope this works out as well as it can.
2006-12-02 11:00:36 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've learned from experience that men can change. My husband and I have gone through some really hard times, but you have to make the decision in your heart whether or not to stay with him. You also have to take into consideration what's best for your kids. Do you want them to grow up thinking it's okay for Daddy to do this kind of stuff? Do you want your son to take after him? or your daughter to put up with it? You husband needs to know that you're not going to stand for it, give him a choice and leave it at that. If you decide to stay with him show your kids that even big people have to have reprecussions for their bad decisions and then decide what that will be. If you decide to leave him, let that be his choice and tell your kids that you tried. Don't downplay their father, they'll come to their own conclusions later on in life, don't help them along. Most importantly, if you think there's something to worth saving, do it, or at least do your part and talk to him about what's going on. However it goes, just remember that it's going to be okay and you will make it through.
2006-12-02 10:44:49 · answer #6 · answered by justwondering 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are pregnant don't let it stress you out. Take a break from him and focus on bringing you baby girl into this world. Men are going to be men and most of the time they are up to no good. You not only already have a child but you have one growing inside of you still if you let this stress you out then you could probably go in to labor. Focus on bringing her into the world and deal with his lying a** later. You and those kids are whats important right now. Trust me it isn't worth having a complicated birth over. Just pray and do whats best for you and yours.
Good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!
2006-12-02 10:47:50 · answer #7 · answered by blaqie2284 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Screw that. I wouldn't take him back. You won't be able to trust him and if you can't trust, then their is no relationship. That is totally your call. I couldn't do it. But if you do decide to leave him, I sure hope you printed out all of that for evidence. Sorry you have to go through that. And who is he to turn it on you. If you made him unhappy, then he should have told you rather than going behind your back and doing that to cause emotional pain to you.....especially with you carrying him unborn child. No pregnant woman should go through emotional pain while pregnant. I wish you the best of luck! Sorry about this.
2006-12-02 10:38:45 · answer #8 · answered by MANDY 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
A liar is a liar!!! You don't need that crap!!! My ex husband did THE EXACT SAME THING...turned the blame on me!!! Made me feel like I was the REASON behind his straying...BULL ****!!! If he can lie about something as simple as smoking...WHAT else will he lie about?! Tell him to go to his "ANGEL" who treats him like a human....tell him you'll be going to court for child support...so hope the ANGEL keeps treating him like he's human..cause YOUR days of dealing with his lying ***...are OVER!!! Stay strong girl!! Don't fall back cause ONCE you do...he'll do it again and again..and again!! AND every time...it will be YOUR fault!!! STAY STRONG!!! I'm here to talk to IF YOU need to!!!
2006-12-02 10:43:38 · answer #9 · answered by just me 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Counseling...you need counseling ASAP. It doesn't work for everyone but it certainly doesn't hurt to try. With 2 children involved, you need to work on it. If he doesn't agree to go with you, then you should go alone. Good luck to you!!!
2006-12-02 11:06:12 · answer #10 · answered by farmersdaughter 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋