married for 14 years,seperated for one year, refuses to talk about any kind of reconciliation but won't file for a divorce either and lives a double life having boyfriend live in marital home,threatens 12 year old son with having to live with dad if he doesn't act accordingly, uses the word betrayal openly , allows the son and the 23 yr old step daughter to get involved in our problems and make things personal between them and I.moves in five other grown adults into the marital home and refuses to let me know if their sharing expenses or not.aside from sick, what kind of person is this? oh and according to her I'm dead now and there are not any memories or history of the last 14 years together, and because of her feelings her whole family has shunned me and I'm a stranger now. won't even acknowledge me in public with a simple hello. and Yes I have filed for a divorce and can't wait for it to be finalized,I'm going after everything legally,including my son before he's too brainwashed!!
2006-12-02 02:04:10 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Involving children in the details of a break-up is wrong no matter what caused it. She is damaging their view of relationships. Children should be protected from the nastiness of the ordeal.
The rest of what she is doing sounds like she is hurt and bitter. The root cause of the break-up may have wounded her in a way that will cause her to change into a bitter, hateful person unless she gets councling. This is the way my mother acted after splitting with my step-dad 18 years ago. She still talks bad about him and constantly rehashes the past. She is now a recluse that is miserable and lonely because she is so bitter that no one wants to be around her. Neither my sister nor my brother are able to have healthy, stable relationships because of the hate and bitterness they were raised with.
Yes, file for your divorce and definately file for custody. This will scar your son far worse if he is allowed to live with his mother. BUT if you care about your soon to be ex and your son get help. Encourage her to go. If she won't go, take your son. He needs to know that what she is doing is unhealthy and self destructive! Until it gets to court make a journal and document EVERYTHING your ex does that is destructive to your son's well being. The more proof you have of her behavior the better off you will be, but be prepared that she may be doing the same thing. Be on your best behavior until this is solved. If it is bad enough that you fear for his safety, have your lawyer file for temporary custody to remove your son from the situation. Be ready to provide the courts with proof of all claims. What she is doing amounts to mental abuse of a minor child and is cause to remove him from her care if you can prove it.
As far as the live-ins. She may be doing it to make ends meet. Are you providing support? Is it enough? How are the living arrangements? Unless this is a huge house it may be an undesireable situation and should be brought to the attention of the courts in the divorce hearings or child welfare if it can't wait that long. Talk with your son and see how he feels about this. You have been his father for 12 years, you should be able to tell if it is harmful to him.
Best of luck to your son. He is the innocent in this and will be the one hurt the most. Remember that and do everything you can to comfort and reassure him.
2006-12-02 02:44:45 · answer #1 · answered by T 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is obviously messed up.
You should go after full custody of your son. Altho it will be hard since the courts always favour the mother, if you are more financially stable, better home and can provide properly for the child, you may win.
However the child is old enough to say who he preferes to live with than you have no respect that but then you can fight for joint custody and visitations.
He's your son, you deserve time with him.
Prove to your son that you are there for him and love him and that no matter what his mother says, you are still there.
2006-12-02 10:09:11 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
How about a control freak! People who do this, and act this way, want to have control of everyone else because they obviously don't have control of themselves. Therefore, someone "else" needs to take control right NOW. That's a really ugly destructive picture you've just painted, and if it is completely true, act right away before it gets any worse, okay? Good luck.
2006-12-02 10:09:46 · answer #3 · answered by Republican!!! 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You already know that she is a B--CH and unfortunately, nobody will be able to change that. Just get the divorce and try to get your son into your home and do all that you can for him. Hopefully you will meet a more loving woman if you already haven't. I wish you luck man!
2006-12-02 10:12:57 · answer #4 · answered by Michael C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The kind of person that does what you described is unbalanced, immature, and apparently doesn't care much about their children.
May the divorce move quickly and the result be the best for the kids...and appropriate for the adults.
2006-12-02 10:08:42 · answer #5 · answered by . 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
File for your own divorce. Throw her and the boyfriend out of your house and raise your kids. Take the offence and let that other guy support her . Write her off and be glad you are not with her.
2006-12-02 10:09:07 · answer #6 · answered by Flagger 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
IF this seperation wasn't caused with any bad things you did to the marriage, YES............I'd take her for everything you can.
Sue for the house and custody.
She seems to be a person who was hurt really bad though, and is doing dumb sh*t to make you squaller. She could also be trying to get revenge for something you have done.
Good luck in court
2006-12-02 10:23:03 · answer #7 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's your fault. Why? You don't need the other persons permission to file for divorce and you have not filed for divorce. My ex was very abusive to our daughter and me, in 2003 she took off and moved to Reno. Said was good husband and father, but she wanted to live with her Mom and Dad.
She took off without telling our daughter or saying goodbye to her. Once there she shacked up with another man, a lounge singer in a casino. The refuses to file divorce and begs me not to while shacked up with this other man.
Then when I started to talk about divorce, she threatened to take my V.A. service connected pension, said lawyer told her she was entitle to half of it. Well she is on the deeds to a house in Reno and 2 in S.F that her parents have worth over $3 million.
Well Nevada and Calif. are community property states, told her I would take half of what her name is on.
Her parents and 3 sisters are all on the deeds to the properties along with her. So I told her I would use the community property law and take half of her houses and land. She would either have to send me about $500,000 or sell the properties in order to meet the law. Told her if she files for divorce there and pays for it, I will not do anything along thelines of community propertry law.
Told her to think about how her parents and sisters would take it if they had to sell their holdings because of her actions.
She filed right away and got her shack up to pay for it.
What ever happened to raising Ladies in this country?
2006-12-02 10:18:27 · answer #8 · answered by bubbles_grandpa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What kind of a person does this? A self serving person. Certainly not a parent.
Go for it and get it done! Frankly I have to wonder why it's taken you so long!
2006-12-02 10:10:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
what the hell happened there? was there some kind of tragedy in her life? were there problems before this happened? i'm really sorry, what she's doing is bullshit, no matter what her excuses are. best of luck with ur legal stuff!
2006-12-02 10:08:04 · answer #10 · answered by Eowyn 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋