Is this a good idea?

Question

I live in France and my parents live in the States, for a long time now I have put all the effort into staying intouch with them even to the point of hauling my kids over there to see them (1 month,3and4 years old). It didn't seem they had too much intrest in them and seemed it was more a pain in the *** for us to be there with them.It's been a year now and I left it up to them to contact me and they did 6months ago and that was just to ask why I wasn't calling every 2 or 3 days to see how they were doing.They never sent birthday cards to my kids or tryed to contact us sence then.I was thinking of sending a puzzle with our family picture on it with a note that said "If you want to see us then your going to have to work for it" typed out on the bottom of the puzzle, do you think thats too harsh?

Thanks BrentS I agree with you they are in no shap to fly here but they can sure pick up the phone and call or E-mail me or send a Birthday card to the kids...simple things to say "we are thinking of you"!

Answer 1

Yes I do.
Maybe they feel you are very happy in your life and family .
They may feel good in there hearts for you ,so they don't have the worry that some parents do for there children .
Just think there thoughts may be more positive then you think for you and your family.
There is not a better feeling in this world when it comes to your children no matter how old they get -then knowing they are happy in there personnel life and things are going there way.
Please give it more thought before you do that. (smile) Its your mom and dad--They love you and your family am sure.

Answer 2

Ha! Yeah, that's probably a bit harsh. It might feel good, but will it help the situation? I doubt it... I grew up in a ridiculously normal family. So when my wife and I first got serious in college, I had little understanding of her disfunctional family. After years dealing with them, it's still complex and hard to figure out. So I'd have to say it's rather hard to help you with your problem all that well without having all the details...

If you can try to figure out why your parents are the way they are, that's going to be a big step in the right direction. Are they simply apathetic? Are they stressing over something in their own lives and just don't have the patience to give you and yours? Are they pissed that you live so far away? As with most things of this matter, you have to always think about being in their shoes. If you were they, what would you need? How would you like to be treated?

Of course, you can't always do exactly what THEY want. But understanding what they do want will help you figure out a compromise.

As uncomfortable as it may be, I suggest you have a serious conversation with them and ask them, point blank, if there's anything wrong and how you can fix it. You have to take pains to be respectful and accomadating or they'll just get mad or something like that.

At the end of it all, however, you really have to take care of yourself and your family. If it doesn't work to keep trying, you may have to simply give up on what you want from them. Visit them once a year, or so, and leave it at that.

Answer 3

Hmm, that might be a little too harsh especially if you used to be close to ur parents, but if they have not made the effort, then why should you do everything? How long have they been in the United States and what else is going on, because if they want to see their grandkids, then they need to make some kind of effort.

Answer 4

Wow.... sounds like something I should do... and my parents and in laws only live 15 minutes away. Some parents just suck.
But here is the only piece of advice I can give you: First of all the puzzle thing is a good idea but really all it will do it give them something to beoch about, and blame you for.
Second you just take the higher road.... do what you should do and then you never have anything to regret.
And third .... someone once told me that if a relationship... whatever kind, would take more effort that what you give your husband/kids then it is not worth it.
And trust me they arent losing as much sleep over this as you are.

Answer 5

No, I do not! I have a similar situation and, in my opinion, family units should come first with one another and, if someone, doesn't seem to care enough or doesn't even pay attention when you make the effort to arrive from France, let them stew for awhile. Honestly, family members can be the worst pains out there so I empathize with you.

Answer 6

i think thats a little harsh, this depends on different factors, did they live in france and move to the states? or did you live in the states and move to France? if you are the one that moved maybe they have hard feel that it should be you oboligation to call, visit ect. also gotta take into consideration that they are much older than you and probably in no shape to travel long distances

Answer 7

Please, please don't expect cards from your parents. It's your duty as their child to call them. No need to be 2-3 days. Once every 3 weeks will do. With such small children, you should be excused from having to haul them over to see them. Why not set up internet cameras so you can see them and they your kids and you? If they are too old to travel, then go see them every 2-3 yrs. If they can travel, get them to take turns with you.......ie you go and then they come.

Answer 8

instead of sending notes in puzzles just tell them ur fustration and get this out in the air if they knew how u felt they would respond accordingly- just a thought, they might not of like u moving to france

Answer 9

yes, i would just call once a week and wait for them to invite you over

Answer 10

yes