how do people feel about getting into serious relationships with people with children from ex marriage?

Question

do you think you could deal ith this if you had no children of your own?

Answer 1

I always said that I would never do it, then a met a lovely guy who had a son with his ex, he didn't live with his son but it was a hell of strain on our relationship and we're not together anymore. It was so hard knowing that he had someone more important than me in his life and he would change our plans at the last minute because she'd changed when he could have his boy.

Answer 2

I am with a guy who has 2 boys (11&13) from a previous relationship. At first it was sweet seeing this guy with kids (then aged 4&6), it gave him a different dimension.

Then when things got serious, it kind of became a bit of an issue to me trying to balance, not being their mum, but with having a say when they were out of line.

Now things are fine. I have become good friends with their mum and have figured out where I am in the equation. My fella, the boys' mum, her new partner and I all get on, we can go round to each others homes and have a cuppa, there is no bad feeling there what-so-ever (which can often be very different and can make things difficult). It is working out great and the kids love to be able to have their mum and dad in the same room, with their new partners and feel happy and comfortable.

I guess it also works for me as I do not want to have children myself. Having a partner who already has children took this added pressure off me, which is a bonus!

I think if you don't have children and you are with someone who does, it might be difficult. When you imagine your future, you imagine to go through all the firsts together, getting married for the first time, going through your first pregnancy and not knowing what to expect, holding your own baby for the first time, etc. It might not seem like its fair coz your partner has already been there done that and got the kid to prove it.

I can understand your question, and hope you can figure it out. Hope what I have told you helps! x

Answer 3

My hub had no children and I had a four and a half year old when we met 7 years ago. We now have a five year old too. I feel that at all times the feelings of the children should be listened to and protected. I took things very very slowly and didnt let my daughter see us in bed together for a long time. In fact I did nt let her meet him for a good 3 months, by which time my hub and I knew we were going to be together. Then it was a gradual integration until he finally moved in. At no time did we force any thoughts or feeeling on her, she wasnt made to call him dad and I maintained the discipline of her until well down the line. It has to be gradual and considered. He never tried to take the place of her dad and we always encouraged her to be open with her feelings whether she was angry or happy etc.

We knew we had been approaching it the right way when she asked if she could call him dad......

I am all for the integration of families. It can be wonderful, of course it can be disaterous too...I would never have gone any further with my hub if he had shown ANY signs that he couldnt handle what I was asking of him. My daughter in turn has shown that she is really happy with the way things are and is a strong and happy child who is doing well at school. She has seen that her mum is happy and fulfilled and has also realised that there are resolutions to issues if they are dealt with consideration and positivity.

In short I feel there ishope, you just have to have patience,show understanding and be open and honest with those involved. Best of luck hunxx

Answer 4

Ask yourself if you can handle the times that your new partner will need to talk to the ex regarding the children. The children telling you you're not the parent. Your new partner saying 'yes' when you have said 'no'. It isn't easy being a step-parent. I personally would go for it because I can handle the ex phoning up, the ex coming into the home, the ex always and sometimes constantly on the doorstep etc. Luckily I've never had to.

Answer 5

Being a single mom I think it depends if your both are at the same level. The reason for this is if you are willing to accept a realtionship with someone with children then you should know what you are getting yourself into. Also people that have kids tend to be more mature and they do have high expectations since they only want the best for themselves and their child. I would say go for it because it teaches you alot about life and kids can teach you some things you never knew you could learn. Plus they make you laugh at the littlest things in life.

Answer 6

Sure lots of people like kids and it could be a happy family. Depends some movies portray the kids as evil and do anything to reeck a relationship but for the majority im sure the kids arn't that bad as they show in movies lol. Plus you love the man or women your with and the kids are a part of them.

Lots of marriages these days end in divorce and many have kids so its not a strange thing like it would be back in the 50's.

Answer 7

Well my partner has children and it really hit home to me and I went through a phase where I really wanted them and then thought no. It reawakened these feelings and it made me think about my own life somewhat.

It comes and goes, I'm certainly not jealous of his children or anything like that but it makes me think how sad I will be in many years to come if I don't have any.

Answer 8

I wouldn't have a problem with it. There would have to be an understanding about what was expected and by whom. I would sit down with him and her and tell them both that I am not interested in playing the kids against anyone and that I respect their authority as parents. I am basically a friend to the kids but I will not be treated badly because mom & dad aren't getting back together. Communication would definately be key.

Answer 9

I don't have kids and I am married to somebody who has three kids from his first marriage. I don't think that I would ever get involved with somebody who has kids again. The mother of his children made our lives hell and in the end for the sake of the kids and our sanity we stopped seeing them. I did get on with the kids most of the time afterall it's not there fault they didn't ask to be born. But that is just my opinion, other people get on well enough with their exes and have no problem I guess I was just very unlucky to marry somebody who was previously married to b*tch from hell.

Answer 10

I did and married him happily and have a child with him now.It all depends on the maturity of the person without a kid. It depends on if they are strong enough people to realize that person with a kid is tied to another in a way for the rest of their kid's life. You'd have to also be willing to accept the child be realize you're not ever gonna be their real parent.

It takes a lot. Step-parents are thankless no matter how amazing and incredible they are. It takes trully amazing people to pull it off and not be changed for the worse.