Is there a process that one goes through in gay or bisexual identity formation?

Question

Or is it a situation where you know -- and accept -- your own identity within a short period of time? Do gays, lesbians, and bisexuals go through different processes?

Answer 1

It changes from one person to the other. It depends on many things (including when is it all happening - because if it's when you're still young it's even more difficult). I think there are two scenarios :
1) You notice, ever since you've been a teenager (or even before that) you've been attracted to teenagers from the same sex as yours (or both genders in case you're bi). You accept it and go with it.
2) You don't accept it - you notice your attraction to people of the same sex but ignore it. You convince yourself you're imagining things, that you just like their personality, or that it's just the stress, or the closeness... You keep dismissing it but it keeps coming back. Here I think we have two roads :
a) You hate yourself at first but at some point, you accept it and go on with your life as a gay person (or bi).
b) You hate yourself and try to change (or keep dismissing) until you're convinced you're gay but you won't accept that, and you want it to stop, it's driving you crazy and it get's to a point where you decide to kill yourself (let's not forget the part that some gays experience, which is people taking advantage of you and have sex with you, sometimes even when you don't really want to - which doesn't really help with the part of hating yourself and it gets worse). That's why the suicide rate with gay teenagers are high.
There's also the option of returning to God and letting him get control of your life thus geting rid of your sexual desires - resulting in not thinking sexualy about people of the same sex. But for that to happen you're going to really want it and work for it and totally rely on God and believe in him.
Of course, building your sexual identity is a "process" and it develops over the years. Some people has gone through the "process" I mentioned above and some haven't. It's not something you do by the book. It's different with each person since every human being is different and has his/her own personality and situation.

Answer 2

I don't think people have set identities that they have to discover. Some people may be exclusively with one gender at one point, with another at some other point. I think by saying "I'm gay" or "I'm straight" you are generally saying "I am closed minded & will not be with someone, even if I really like them, if they have the wrong genitals."

I think that the human population is dominantly bisexual, but that society encourages heterosexuality so most people try to stay within that. Also, society encourages a dichotomous sexuality order, which leads to dominant catehories of "gay" & "staight" with a much lesser & often neglected "bisexual". There is a lack of fluidity between these categories.

I think everyone goes through different processes. I notice you've neglected straight people discovering their 'straightness'. A lot of straight people might never seriously consider being gay or bi. And through neglecting those as options they never discover their straightness, they just assume.

I would say I am pansexual, or bi. I have been in a relationship with another female for several years now. Some would say "oh, well then you're gay". No, because I am/was open to dating anyone regarless of gender, it's just I'm not looking for anyone right now.

In response to Needo's options, I never hated myself for being bi. In primary school I didn't tell anyone because I would get teased & loose my friends, but I never denied it to myself. I said "I'll deal with it when or if it comes up".

Answer 3

Everyone, gay, bi , straight WHATEVER goes through an identity formation. We are Just like the rest. it is just more difficult at times that our traight friends, since society does not always accept us as easily.

Answer 4

The people who are "gay" tend to go through this experience very early in life. They feel there is no question about it that is who they are and they can't change. This is not the case with most people. We live in this open society and if you're really open minded you can find yourself in places where you should never be. Take your time and figure this out for yourself, gravitate toward the opposite sex don't rush into anything. Once you become involved with a person of the same sex confusing things can happen.

Answer 5

Yes. It's called searing one's conscience over with a hot iron until you become a reprobate unto every good work. "So God turned them over to a reprobate mind" but He can also make you a new person in Christ Jesus with a renewed conscience and a new mind that is sanctified and purified by the precious blood of Jesus and the washing of the water of the Word.

Answer 6

We all go through a process of identifying our sexuality. For some it is short and sweet, for others a long, drawn out and painful realisation.

There is no evidence (that I know of) to suggest that it is dependent on one's "ultimately accepted" sexuality.

Answer 7

What you're alluding to relates to personal developent -- which is divorced from sexuality altogether. Being gay does not make me a confident person. The fact that I am me does.

Self -esteem is a journey - not a state of being Why? Because self-esteem is fluid, according to how my experiences make me feel.

If a person has depressive tendencies, being gay or not has no bearing on how they cope. Self-awareness is a matter of emotional intelligence -- not based on what one does or does not do with their genitalia in the bedroom whilst having sex.

Answer 8

People are born gay (or bi or straight) and know pretty soon after puberty from what "turns them on." But often people will repress their "gayness" and try or pretend to be straight in order to fit more in line with society. A lot of people are closetted --- they are gay ---> like men, pursue men etc.... but still pretend to be straight.

They have to learn to accept themselves as they really are and to find a way for (still largely homophobic) society to accept them.

Answer 9

i think at first if your older you kinda go through a stage of denial. thus alot of marriages that don't last due to one person really being gay. and then acceptance.

Answer 10

each person discovers their sexuality at different times in their lives. for some it is easier than for others. i think it all has to do with how comfortable and loving of yourself you are. you have to feel comfortable in your own skin. hope that helps!