I have been with my girlfriend for 4 years and she has lied about cheating 3 times. She has now asked me to marry her. I know there is a huge trust issue here, but keep this in mind. She has been with me during my great times and bad times, which includes three life threating seizures, where one seizure she actually saved me from drowning during a seizure. I deep down love her and cannot imagine being without her, nor with these new seizures I don't feel comfortable alone. We have had the best times of my life together, but I have also been hurt extremely bad. What should I do?
2006-11-30 19:16:34 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your mistake was not dumping her after the first time she cheated on you. It's true: Once a cheater, always a cheater. If she really cared for you, she wouldn't have cheated in the first place.
2006-11-30 19:20:03 · answer #1 · answered by rockingharder 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you can accept her postmarital relationships then it might be a good decision to marry her, but what will happen if she will keep on cheating and lying even if you won't accept that? You will just get hurt deeper.
Probably she is having her good sides and you love her a lot, but you should think what's best for you. Do you think she really loves you as much as you love her if she has been cheating on you? I know a person who tried to change her husband. The man was a good partner all the other ways except he was always cheating on his wife and telling her a lie. After a long marriage the woman got so much broken that she got deeply depressed and could do nothing with her life for a long time. The woman had been believing in the man and was expecting from year to year him to behave better and stay beside her, but that never happened and in the ending the "good husband" hurt her badly. Do you that same may possibly happen for you?
Maybe life with someone else could be even better, but you just don't dare to let your old relationship go. Of course we all have had our good days and great memories, but instead of past you should concentrate on future. Having good memories with your recent gf doesn't mean that you couldn't have even better ones with someone else.
Being uncomfortable alone is not a good reason to date anyone and probably you're not doomed to be alone for ever even if you will have a break and forget girls for some time....
It's possible to remain friends only.
Of course many cheaters are telling you here that you should marry the girl. Such a "mistakes" like cheating don't need to be forgiven. A person who truly loves his partner doesn't cheat and cheater ALWAYS knows very well what he's doing so drunkenness or any other explanation for cheating is not worthy... and if it has happened something like 3 times in 4 years that's very much.
Of course you should be thankful for saving or helping you, but probably the girl is not only one who could save you. Even good friends can do same or strangers, so it's not any proof about everlasting love.
I'm just trying to tell you that... if you're not happy in your relationship right now - how you can be later???????
2006-11-30 20:01:19 · answer #2 · answered by Elizabeth 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bud the best thing to do here is follow your heart. She is going to keep hurting you. The funny thing is really that you are allowing it to happen. She is manipulating you, she knows she can get away with it. Don't marry her she is going to hurt you even more. Once you are married and she cheats on you she will get half of everything if you decide to end it then. don't be stupid. Set things right be a man. There are many qualified people out there that can help you cope with your seizures. Just follow your heart.
2006-11-30 20:13:41 · answer #3 · answered by george 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She sounds like a terrific friend, and a terrible wife. She saved you from drowning? What a great friend! She sleeps with other men, and lies about it to you? What a lousy wife!
You get the idea. If you don't feel comfortable alone with the seizures, and that's the main reason you're keeping her around, you 're doing her a disservice.
Of course, she lied to you about the men, so you could lie to her about your reasons for keeping her around, and postpone the marriage indefinitely -- but you're not that kind of guy, right?
2006-11-30 19:24:42 · answer #4 · answered by daveowenville 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People changes with time just like the moon does gets round sometimes. Have a good one-on-one discussion with her in a romatic ambience. Advise her that you feel hurt when she cheats on you. However, given the past encounters, you'll like to forgive and forget and hope that she'll understand what you mean. Marriage isn't a joke thus you'll like her to re-think her request to ask you to marry her. However, you too will have to re-think if this marriage is going to work out or that you may be hurt again. You call!
2006-11-30 19:47:51 · answer #5 · answered by SingGirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think only you can really answer this deep down. Is the pain she gives you every time she cheats on you less. than being alone with your seisure. cause you know you could always find a better woman who will love you for you siesures and all but won't cheat. if your hurting now think how it will be in marriage she'll continue to do this and each time a little more of you will break inside. and you will get depressed and again you will feel its hard to leave her as you have gotten use to depending on her to be there for you.
This has to be your call deep[ down inside i think you know the real answer. but you have to make it yourself.
I wish you luck in your choice and I hope you find happiness in life
2006-11-30 22:44:16 · answer #6 · answered by For ever in my Heart 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well this is pretty simple. If you can live with her telling lies, then marry her. If not get rid of her. That old saying about a "leopard never changes it's spots" is very true. You sound insecure in some ways. Maybe it's because of your health condition? Do you think you will not find someone else? You will live happier and more confident on your own. Being tied to someone who WILL lie to you again is no way to live. Man up and get a set, she doesnt deserve you if she is going to to lie.
2006-11-30 23:13:25 · answer #7 · answered by jeffzster 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a 24 year old girl. I LOVE my bf and have been with him 6 years. but I have also lied to him a couple of times. I think if the condition is like this, u'd better marry her. She will know that marriage is more serious and I think she wont cheat on you if it was only THREE times in FOUR years. I think go ahead and keep her for a lifetime. people make mistakes and nobdy is pefect :)
2006-11-30 19:33:34 · answer #8 · answered by alwayss_ready 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you should move on.....unless the cheating was years ago..she probably will do it again. It will 10X worse when you are married.....and to be with someone just cause your afraid to be alone is not the best reason...There is a lot of people in this world that will love you and not cheat on you.
2006-11-30 19:21:54 · answer #9 · answered by surfmerrick24 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she WILL cheat on you and eventually WILL leave you.Don't keep a cheating skeezer just because you had a seizure and she was there.
Have you ever thought about the idea that the stress of her cheating may make you have more seizures?
The answer to your question is right there, read your question as if it was someone elses, what woulud you tell that guy if you read his question?
2006-11-30 19:59:11 · answer #10 · answered by godzilla99s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋