I m 25yrs, my husband 35 yrs old.We are married for almost 3yrs. but I know him for 5 yrs. We had a lot of problems due to my husbands constant lying and hiding things. Almost 1 yr into the relationship I found out through is friends that he was married before and has kids. He had alot of debt which he never even intended to pay, so I had to pay his debt down so they wouldnt garnish his wages etc. Before the wedding he promised he would change, cause I was about to leave. Well he never changed even with counseling. In March06 I moved out, told him I want a divorce and it hurt cause I loved him but he was breaking me. About 3 months ago we started talking again and he asked me back. I came back home 2 weeks ago with an uncomfortable feeling. I just found out he was seing a girl just before I came home. He hardly paid any of his bills but he bought a new car, digital cameras, new laptop etc. He said he changed but obviously he didnt. It hurts and I dont know what to do.
2006-11-30 18:54:40 · 16 answers · asked by Michelle W 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
With hiding and lying I meant: He had those bills and never said anything, he was hiding them in the basement in piles. While we were dating he was talking to girls online, I found msg on his pc but when I asked him he denied it. Whenever he bought new things he was hiding them. When I came home I found msg on his pc again, so I asked him to please tell me the truth and he said he never met anyone else while I was gone. But this girl wrote emails to him saying she wants to see him again etc. When I asked about the new bills (collection notices etc.) he said he paid them but obviously he didnt cause I have all the statements saying he owes about 10k. I dont know why he is always lying and hiding things but I dont think I deserve it. It just hurts that I believed him over and over again and he does the same things all the time.
2006-11-30 19:00:56 · update #1
I believe you know what to do!
2006-11-30 19:02:07 · answer #1 · answered by Ithea Nzau 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have given him so many chances that he does not believe that you will follow through with divorcing him/leaving him etc..He did not change before the wedding.He did not change during the marriage.He did not change during the separation.Now you are back with him only to find out that he has not changed again.Personally i feel the man has ran out of chances.I feel you deserve more then he has to offer you.I feel you should have a very serious talk with him put it all on the table about his lying/hiding things/not paying the bills.try to work things out by working together.If he choose not to change .then you should follow through with what you tell him?Otherwise it will only be one more lie and one more fight between you.You deserve better then that.
2006-12-01 04:37:28 · answer #2 · answered by noga 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get out while you can! I know from experience, talk is cheap...You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Don't let him drag you down with him. The longer you stay the worse it will get. He had plenty of time to change. He chose not to.
It is sad to accept but sometimes you don't even know the person you gave your heart to. He showed you what he wanted you to see and now you know the truth. I know it hurts, but there are a lot of good guys out there. Get happy being you and don't look, let them come to you...
2006-12-01 03:01:29 · answer #3 · answered by Real 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't waste your time (& money) giving him another chance. he's no good for you. i know it's really hard if you really love the guy, bcoz i've been in a situation where i'm in love with someone's fiance, n i came to think that i was willing to be his 2nd wife!(crazy! i know) but then, i think n think and open up my mind and decided to leave him. i was really sad and devastated and frustrated..but eventually, i got over him.. and now i am happy with my man.
PS: once a liar, always a liar
nway, all i'm trying to say is you get away from him no matter how much you think you love him, you will get over him. and live life better and happily without him..
2006-12-01 03:04:33 · answer #4 · answered by Nadia 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a firm believer that we should forgive, but in your case, you definitely should be careful. If your husband shows serious signs of wanting to change, consider taking him back. I would consider enrolling himself in psychological counseling such a sign, for example. But if he doesn't seem to want to do anything about his behavior, then there's no reason to believe that your life would be any different. That's what you'll have to base your decision on. I'd say, if he's not abusing you, there's hope.
2006-12-01 03:01:03 · answer #5 · answered by drshorty 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What more proof do you want dear? You said it yourself, he said he would change but he didn't! How many more chances do you want to give him? and until when? You have one life only, don't waste it on his fake promises, once a liar always a liar!! Girl, leave him behind and start over with something better for your life!! Wish you the best of luck!
2006-12-01 03:00:06 · answer #6 · answered by Mommy♥of2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stick with your original divorce plan. Dont ask him. Just do it.
He hasnt changed in over 5 years. What makes you think he will ever change? NO, he doesnt deserve another last chance.
2006-12-01 02:59:17 · answer #7 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like my ex- lied about everything- you now have biblical grounds for divorce- it is adultery- and you can't believe what he says- and probably never will- take care and move on- and don't fall for his garbage- you know he cannot be trusted- so don't -D
2006-12-01 02:58:34 · answer #8 · answered by Debby B 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know what's worse than a guy who never changes? A guy who never changes but who convinces himself he has. It doesn't sound like this guy is worth another shot. I don't see any changing happening at all.
2006-12-01 02:58:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Run Forest Run! Sounds to me like you could do better.Life is too short to stay with someome who causes you pain.
2006-12-01 02:59:16 · answer #10 · answered by pammi_b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Run!!!! You already know the answer to your question sweetheart. He will never change because he doesn't want to.
2006-12-01 03:07:45 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋