Is my sex life normal?

Question

I am 26 and my hubby is 25. My hubby and I have been married for about 3 1/2 years. We just don't 'get it on' much. Like my hubby wants to more often than me. I don't know why, but I am not wanting to as much. It isn't that he's not hott or that we fight too much. I am always looking at him and thinking "Man...I am so lucky!" but at night, I am tired or have other things on my mind. I don't know what is wrong with me. We are in a loving monogamous relationship, but sometimes it is 3 or 4 weeks apart when we have sex. I just don't know where my sex drive is!!! Sex is, however, very painful for me because of vaginissmus (painful muscle contratctions), bit it is usually still enjoyable even though penetration is impossible because of the pain. It is more than just physical, though. It is a stong emotional connection that we both cherish. But I just am not as into it as my husband sometimes. It dosen't make sense because we are still newlyweds. Can anyone help?

Answer 1

There might be a medical treatment or surgical procedure that may stop the painful spasming. Did the problem start after somesort of vaginal trauma? It could be damaged nerves from that incident, and it might be correctable just by removing the damaged nerves.

Until your able to stop the pain you have only two options you can tough it out like you've been doing or you can put more emphasis on non-vaginal penetration to satisfy your husband, you do have 2 other points of entry. Most likely you'll have to give more BJs. Going though the backdoor is unlikey to work since it shares a common wall with your frontdoor. You didn't mention if the pain occurs when you recieve oral sex from your husband. If there's no pain, he should go down on you more often to make sure you're satisfied.

Answer 2

Don't feel bad. I am 25 and my wife is 24 we have been married the same length and you and your hubby. We do the deed about once every 2 weeks. I myself am always in the mood. As with you, my wife is tired from work or other life activities. I have come to the conclusion (with a little research) that males sex drive is at its peak in the 20's and the womans is within the 30's. I may be totally wrong but I have heard this a few times before. We also have 13 month old daughter, I attend school and we both work full time. So it cuts alot of time and energy out of the bedroom. We do make time for each other for those moments. The whole newly wed thing in my opnion is just talk. If you love your husband and he loves you, then life is good. I have to state that sex is a part of marriage and it brings couples closer, but with the world today we all are just trying to get through the day and by the time we get home there is too much on the mind and your body is exhausted. I am sorry to hear about the pain you have during sex. To me sex is not a planned event like a dinner or something. However in this case it can be. Make time for you and your husband on a night to just go out just you two and do what you guys like to do for fun..may it be diner and a movie or just going out to a bar or club. Then head home or grab a nice hotel, order room service and treat yourselves to a nice evening. Make time for the deed and enjoy it as much as possible. Show your love to you husband even during "non-sex" times. We sometimes go to an adult store and check things out. It can be fun, sometimes you get ideas and sometimes you get new toys to enhance the fun. You can even try watching an adult film together. It may seem akward but xxx films can teach you new things. You can learn new positions and foreplay. You dont have to be the girl in the movie with the fake screaming but I think you get my point. I wish you luck and dont worry, you two are not the only ones out there like this...

Answer 3

You poor thing. Take it from me, a sex therapist. You make it clear that your husband wants you. Which is a GOOD thing. But if you keep saying 'sorry too tired' he's going to think that you don't love him or that what he gives you isn't good. Take a day off. Just do it! You can't just be apart all day then come home have dinner be tired and then say 'lets have wild sex!' It doesn't work that way. Take it in steps. Before all this, show affection towards him. Massage him. Romantically kiss him. You DO want him! All of that leads to some fun in bed. Just start at about 8 at night and then lead it slowly into the bedroom. You are in power as much as him. He wants you and you want him. Ignore the pain! You are a hot little dynamite and your husband craves your love.

Answer 4

do you have children? do you both work full time? both of those things are hard on a relationship, have you tried muscle relaxers for your problem? also are your hormones low? have you actually discussed this with your doctor?, a good doctor will care about the situation and really try to help. I understand about the closeness and it dropped off a lot when i had a baby, a small child around the house isnt conducive to sex, i am not familliar with your specific medical problem, keep your chin up, there still can be help out there.

Answer 5

Well I think its normal for you not to want it ALL the time and you guys having a few weeks between each "session".

However for the pain I would consult a doctor and talk to him about the pain..If you have then no need to. But if you havent they may have a type of medicine that you can take to get rid of that. I dont really know. But the doctor MAY have ideas how to get rid of that pain.

Good luck in the future!

Answer 6

Ok your sex life is normal. Firstly you need to sort out your gyn issue. Then also remember that it is normal to have these lapses in your sex life. You will want to get it on much more in a while. Sex life goes on in phases and I'm sure it will only get better.

Answer 7

Get yourself to a doctor. You would be more interested in sex if it didn't hurt.

Answer 8

Dr. Keith Ablow... he ROCKS!