Hey there. I have a two-month old baby and my husband's parents are practically chain-smokers. Their house takes your breath away and anything that comes from it (presents, clothing) has an incredibly strong smell. I'm not posting this because I have anything against smokers...I just worry about my baby and don't want her in their home (or their cars for that matter...they smoke with the windows sealed). Is there a tactful way to bring this up with them? I ask because I can only imagine that it will be a matter of time before they want to drive her somewhere or have her visit at THEIR house. Thank you for your help. I appreciate it.
2006-11-30 15:41:55 · 11 answers · asked by skeeteranne 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
Well, first of all science and modern medicine are on your side. In some states it's illegal to smoke in your car if you have children in it too.
Anyway, the best thing to say is something like this:
"I'm sure you know I don't have anything against smokers. Now that we've had a baby, I'm more health-conscious in general, but especially when it comes to her. Because of the dangers of cigarette smoke, I won't be able to let "Ashley" be around secondhand cigarette smoke anymore. I love you both so much and I'm afraid of offending you, and I hope you can understand and appreciate how I feel. I respect your right to smoke, and I want you to respect my decision to keep my daughter's health my number one priority."
That being said, I think it would be better if you and your husband talked to them together, as a united front. I understand exactly how you feel, and this is touchy. Of course you want your child to have the love and attention of her grandparents! But you know what, I don't see anything wrong with you taking a stand for her and her health. Who else will if you won't?
They may get really offended and have a tantrum for a couple days or a couple weeks, but they'll get over it. There is no way they can argue that being around smoke will not harm your daughter. Unequivocally it will.
Be kind, be firm, and be a united front with your husband. Good luck, and God bless you for being such a caring mom.
2006-11-30 15:54:19 · answer #1 · answered by No Shortage 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have the same problem. Right now they have the courtesy to not smoke in the same room as me since I am 39 weeks pregnant but I'm afraid that once the baby comes I can't ever leave him with the in-laws. And everytime I leave their home I smell like smoke, I don't want my baby to smell like he just smoked a pack of ciggarettes. I don't really have an answer for you but maybe I can find one. Good question.
2006-11-30 16:09:42 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell them flat out that there is to be ABSOLUTELY NO SMOKING anywhere near your baby. Your baby's health is much more important than offending them. Be nice and polite about it, but be VERY firm. Do NOT let them smoke near your baby, not even around the same area, or anywhere in your house. Secondhand smoke is very, very bad for children! It causes lower respiratory tract infections in infants, and can cause death due to sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS). Secondhand smoke can also cause buildup of fluid in the middle ear and aggravate asthma symptoms. If you're holding your baby, and can smell the smoke, get that baby out of there and away from the smoke!!! I don't know for sure if being in a location where you can smell smoke on things (like being in their house or car even if they haven't smoked there for a while) is bad, but I would imagine it is, and I certainly wouldn't take any chances!!!
Perhaps get some information about it to show them. Here's a website that has some good info (it's from the American Lung Association):
http://www.lungusa.org/site/pp.asp?c=dvLUK9O0E&b=35422
Good luck! Take good care of your little one! :)
2006-11-30 15:54:04 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not healthy for a baby (or anyone) to be around smoke. You are a mother now and you have every right to tell your family members or anyone that you do not want your child around the smoke. My stepfather is a chain smoker and I had told my mother that I do not want my son around smoke and every time I go to my mom's house, my stepfather respects my concern and smoke's outside the house or in area of the house where you can not be exposed to the smoke. Your family should respect your concerns and you are not being selfish or anything for telling someone that you do not want smoke around your baby.
2006-11-30 15:50:53 · answer #4 · answered by happynay 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since it is your inlaws, then it is your husbands place to do this. Tell him to speak to them, don't say 'hey, my wife says...' because that'll make you look like the bad guy. I'm sure they know the dangers of smoking, but since they smell it all the time they probably don't realize that the smell is so overwhelming.
My boyfriends dad and grandpa smoke, as well as his grandma's boyfriend. I had him tell them all that if they wanted to smoke when we were over, we would basically take that as our cue to leave. I don't want my son being around that.
My grandma's husband smokes, but he is very considerate. He won't smoke in his own house or even in the smoking section of a restaraunt or bar. I never have to worry about anything like that from him, but if we did, since it is my family, it would be my place to say something.
2006-11-30 17:12:01 · answer #5 · answered by Queen Queso 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We told my parents and my husbands parents that there would be no smoking when the baby is around and that we prefer they do not smoke in their house, period, if they expect the baby to come visit.
My parents no longer smoke in their own house, they go outside. My husband's parents don't get it, they generally don't smoke when we are there but their house still smells and there are ashes covering everything on their kitchen table. So guess who gets to see the baby more often?
Which reminds me I need to get my husband to talk to his parents about it again as it is grossing me out. On the other hand I would be just as happy if my baby never saw FIL.
So, you are the momma you make the rules. Make a rule and try to stick to it.
2006-11-30 15:51:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
As a smoker myself I feel safe in telling you that they probably know the dangers of smoking and know that it isn't healthy, especially for babies. Just ask them politely if they would mind her not going to their house because of the health hazards. They might even consider cutting back or quitting if they want your child to come over and be able to spend time with them at their house.
2006-11-30 15:46:59 · answer #7 · answered by darlintxdaisy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husbands grandmother smokes a half carton a day , yes that is not a typo! Any way I had my hubby talk w/ his mother (I did not want to look as if I was the cause) and he respectfully told her they were more than welcome to see our daughter at our home (fresh clean clothes, showered & wash hands as they walk in) but the only reason for it is we care about our daughters health, if someone wants to risk their life by smoking that is their right... but it is your responsibilty to look after your daughters. 2nd hand smoke is more dnagerous than 1st hand, and 3rd hand smoke (carried on clothes, skin fabrics etc) is also dangerous especially to developing & young lungs!
2006-11-30 15:48:29 · answer #8 · answered by notAminiVANmama 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would talk to the hospital social worker or head of the record department, or call your county or town district attorney. The laws vary from state to state as to when it becomes a birth rather than a misscarriage . The hospital should have advised about requirements for the remains .
2016-05-23 06:55:37 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps bring up that your baby was in a smoky area and noticed that her eyes were teary/ started crying/ started coughing.
2006-11-30 15:51:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋