If you have made a conscious decision to never again marry, but your total soulmate of the past nine years has decided that she needs that legal piece of paper to be fulfilled, what would you do? She's honestly the best woman I've ever known-I would feel lost without her, but it's beginning to feel like an ultimatum! My decision to not marry is non-negotiable, because after a failed marriage, I am completely against the concept for many reasons. And she has known this! But if I lost her, I would be heartbroken! Why is that piece of paper so important to some women?!
2006-11-30 15:32:43 · 22 answers · asked by Rebooted 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
one step aside is the best thing to do
:> peace
.
2006-12-04 14:20:57 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she's your soulmate and you truly don't want to lose, her, then what's your fear of marriage? Does she have children or do you? What are your ages & goals? Discuss these things with her before deciding. Really, I doubt if she'd leave you at this point unless the harassment drives you nuts and then you take off. There are certainl legal bennies to marriage, is that the issue? Or does she feel insecure for some reason right now?
Find out the truth Also, consider a prenup if finances are an issue.
The only thing that makes me wonder about this is that she is beginning to make it sound like an ultimatum - red flag.
Badgering you into marriage is not cool and you may end up resentful. This means she is willing to consider leaving you now bc she has a "time table," and she is willing to leave the "right person" (you) That means she's considering marrying choice #2 or #3 down the road just to fit her "time table." That would indicate to me her goals are more important than you (the person). Is her biological clock ticking, or what? Does she have another goal in mind --- or does she really "want YOU?"
There is really much to consider here and no easy answer, that has to come from your heart and then looking back over the years how well she has treated YOU and vice-versa. If you have 110% trust in her and her love for you, then maybe it wouldn't hurt to commit.
But...think carefully and when you make your decision, be confident. The holidays are coming and many people get very sentimental this time of year. If you want to make a decision, try to put it off til March when the season wears off and you can view it clearly. Also consider input from your close family/friends. If they are all 100% for the marriage, maybe you are just holding back out of anxiety. Let us know what happens!!!
2006-11-30 16:08:54 · answer #2 · answered by Lake Lover 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Everything in life is negotiable...nothing is non-negotiable.
Years ago it may have made sense to "say" you'd never marry again - but times change - and sometimes someone comes into your life that causes you to re-evaluate your life- and your priorities. I think you're doing that now.
You are making your girlfriend pay the price for what a former spouse did? Why? Your gf has done nothing wrong and been there for you for 9 years. If she wants a stupid piece of paper - give it to her. Lord knows, she probably deserves more than a piece of paper for being such a great person.
Marriage doesn't ruin a relationship - it seals it with all that you put into it. You put nothing in - you get nothing out. You put love, affection and respect in...its sealed in.
You don't want to lose her and its that important to her - enjoy the rest of your lives together. Its so worth it.
2006-11-30 15:48:12 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
it isn't a matter of a piece of paper. a marriage is a legal document. after all of these years with you she has no legal standing if you should separate of if you or she should pass away. for instance if you own property together and you should pass away she will no automatically get any part of your share. it would go to YOUR next of kin not to her. or if after several more years together and you should pass away she could not collect on your social security. even now you are both paying the highest taxes because you are not married. a marriage is a legal contract saying that you are partners not just bed buddies.
if she has been a faithfull companion over the course of these last nine years that should have gotten you over your fear of relationships past. to me it sounds like you are using your divorce as a wall against further hurt and it sounds like you will be in a world of it if you keep pushing your "soul mate" away.
2006-11-30 16:35:44 · answer #4 · answered by KRIS 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, because of the difficulty and expense and pain involved with a divorce, I think some women subconciously feel that having that piece of paper will be a bit of proof of commitment. Also, she's got more rights as your wife then she does as your girlfriend. If you got sick, unless you've given her power of attorney, she wouldn't be able to legally advocate for you because she's not legally considered kin.
Those are the two things I can think of. If you got married, would you lose love for her? That may be a question to ask yourself. Which would hurt worse--letting her go, or giving her what she wants?
2006-11-30 15:39:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not sure why that piece of paper is so important to her? Are you filthy rich and she wants to get a piece of the cake when you decide to leave her? Talk to her and try to understand her and as for youself, maybe it's time to re-evaluate your decision of not to marry again. It seems like you guys need to meet halfway cos she will probably be upset if her needs are not met and so are you (which is not to be married). If you truly loves each other, you will find a way out.
2006-11-30 15:39:06 · answer #6 · answered by labrin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know why a piece of paper is so important. Perhaps, she is feeling like your relationship isn't doing too well and that getting married is going to change things. Talk to her about why she wants to get married and think about your relationship lately. Have you been having problems or been under an unusual amount of stress lately? Also, it could be family or friends pressuring her to marry you. Someone could have got into her head and changed her mind about the level of commitment you have towards her. You definitely need to talk with your partner about this.
It could also be the worst case scenario, she's pregnant and is traditional about babies being born to married parents.
2006-11-30 15:37:26 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are feeling pressured to do something that is so against your will. Then you better stick to it and not do it. You must always be true yourself first. If you hate yourself for doing something against your will you only have yourself to blame.
But now that you have found your soulmate and you are content being in this relationship without any further commitments such as marriage. You may have reached the end of the growth in your relationship.
She wants more and you want to keep things just like they are.
Who wins, who looses? Is it fair to ask her to not to want to be married to the man of her dreams? Is it fair that she ask you to commit to something against your will?
Marriage is not something you do just to please another. It has to be done from the heart for the same purpose if you want it to even stand a chance at surviving.
If she's not willing to settle for not being married, she might be willing to move on without you. Learn to respect her desire to want to take the relationship to the next level. You don't have to want what she want but you do have to respect her desire.
And you don't have to give in and marry her when you said it is against your will, but you must be willing to loose her based on the decision you make.
Marriage is much more than a piece of paper. If it was just a piece of paper you would give her that piece of paper. Marriage is a symbolic of your love and commitment to each other. Just maybe and I mean just maybe you are misinterperting the meaning of marriage. After all she is your soulmate of 9 years.
Imagine her telling you - why must I have sex with the man I love of 9 years. What does sex have to do with me loving him?
2006-11-30 16:11:52 · answer #8 · answered by Tired of being Mr. Nice 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, I'd say get over it, and marry the lady. If you have been with her 9 years, you know absolutely every single tiny spot she must have in her personality. Marriage is cool.... It states to your friends, to the world, "I Love This Lady, I'd die for this Lady, It Is Us Against The World". It is a great reason to have a party, a wonderful reason to celebrate, and it is special, beyond just that piece of paper. You decision not to marry was 9 years ago, dude...That's a long time ago. 200 years ago, no one ever got to be married twice, unless one of them died. And she is still there????.... damn, what a fool you are. Marry her, hon, marry her.
2006-11-30 15:47:11 · answer #9 · answered by April 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Who cares how important it is to other women, Your concern is how important it is to "one" women whom you said that you would be heartbroken if you lose her.
I think the question is
"Why would I allow a piece of paper and my non-negotiable stand on marriage to separate me from the women I honestly feel is the best woman I've ever known (your words), the woman I would feel lost without (your words), the woman I would feel heartbroken if I lost her (your words)?"
2006-11-30 15:40:42 · answer #10 · answered by Sunflower 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't feel like you are backed into a corner. She has every right to want to be legally married. I assume she made the mistake of shacking up with you. Simply tell her no and let her find a real man that doesn't use the past make excuses. Why would you let the actions of your ex rule you today?
2006-11-30 15:45:48 · answer #11 · answered by lily 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋