I found out my husband sent a message to my best friend on myspace that said "If me and (my wife) ever got seperated would I have a chance with you?". When I confronted him about it he said that he didn't really mean anything by it and I have nothing to worry about cause he isn't going anywhere and he loves me. I was really hurt by this cause it makes me feel like in the back of his mind there is a chance we might not be together forever. It also made me feel like I am not good enough for him and he has found someone who he likes and is attracted too. He says that I am overacting and that i need to quit bringing it up (it happened a month ago) but I feel like I was wronged. Should I just forgive and forget or am I right for taking out my fustration on him?
2006-11-30 15:25:49 · 24 answers · asked by *ilovemybabyface* 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I should add that we have a happy and healthy relationship. We get along great, sex is great. That's sort of why I don't understand where all of this came from.
2006-11-30 15:36:16 · update #1
It's not always easy to just forgive and forget, but at some point you have to decide if you want to move on in the relationship or get out of it. If you are not hurt enough to leave him, then you have to start forgiving him. Otherwise there is always going to be a void in your relationship.
2006-11-30 15:45:36 · answer #1 · answered by schizohamster 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Something you don't want to do it keep reminding him that he did something stupid. Yes, it was very stupid.
Don't doubt yourself or your self-worth. Your husbands the one that has the self-esteem issues. He may very well wonder if he's attractive or attractive to others. Doesn't excuse him - just may explain it.
Leave it alone for now. Don't bring it up since you've probably already run it into the ground. He loves you. Allow him to show it and show how he regrets what he did.
If, at some point in the long distant future you feel uncomfortable about your relationship then you might want to talk with a therapist to see how to approach it with him. Confrontation isn't usually the way to communicate - or not letting something die.
2006-11-30 23:57:27 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He could have been childish but his act did expose his intentions. This could be a hint that all is not well for both of you. There are only two things that you can do. Either keep hurting him for whatever he intended to do or forgive him and move on with him by being more closer to him, love him more. The second choice is easier said than done, anyway.
2006-11-30 23:40:56 · answer #3 · answered by yuvan53 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow-this kinda sucks-i know...think about it THIS way...would you EVER go on his best friends page or brothers page and ask him "if me and ___ever broke up, would i have a chance?" would you EVER do that? i bet your answer is NO...now ask yourself this...is there ANYONE that you would ever ever ever even think of asking that question to, like an old boyfriend or crush or WHATEVER...if there is someone you can picture yourself asking that question to, (if you were a dirtbag like your man is) what do YOU think would be running through your mind as you type it? sure as sh*t not a joke...there is no reason to ask a question like that, unless you want an answer...i feel bad for you, but dont let some horny guy make you feel like sh*t when you KNOW you are right...the more you second guess yourself, the more you'll believe him and then who knows what the loser will do...again im sorry but ive had my share of lying and its no good to ignore your instincts...good luck sweetie =0)
EDIT: k i just read some comments like that nikki girl...why would anyone ever think that he didnt mean anything by it?? thats so dumb and naive....if someone asks ANOTHER GIRL if they've got a shot...it means they are interested...not only interested, but interested if THEY ARE TOO...im sorry but thats just not right and i think that you must be a great girl if you even CONSIDER forgiving his dumb a$$....just trust your instincts..and snoop ALL YOU WANT you OBVIOUSLY had a reason...find a guy who will make you so happy and content that you wont NEED a reason to snoop....damn liars..they never change....again-GOOD LUCK=)
2006-12-01 00:09:14 · answer #4 · answered by thatgirluknow 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I also feel like I am in the same boat as you. If you want your marriage to work you should just forgive him and try to move on. I myself can never forget things and I will always have that in the back of my mind that there is that chance that he will go. But you need to prepare yourself for that day. But by bringing it up again, you will just make him angry and resent you.
2006-11-30 23:31:02 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are right. But my advice to you is: look into your relation, see whats going on... maybe there is something wrong that you or him are not aware of.
I just did something like that you know?, and i did it because i didn't feel I'm complete in my relation... i just decided to stop and go back and make sure i do whatever i have to do to make this to work... but you definitively need to talk directly and without being afraid of 'discover' something. Talk, talk, talk.. make him talk, but read what I'm saying... talk! stop recriminating this, that's the past. Think about the future, forgive the act but don't forget the causes.
2006-11-30 23:32:10 · answer #6 · answered by Osk 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
aw, I really feel for you. I have ZERO tollerance for this kind of thing.
All these people telling you to forget it....I just couldnt do that. How are you suppose to forget that?
Your husband wants you to stop bringing it up because he got caught.
my husband and I lived together before we got married and I caught him in a little white lie - nothing serious, but it was the principal that he lied. I kicked him out and refused to speak to him for a week. He hasn't lied since.If it was me, I would ask him to leave for a couple of nights just to show him - but then again, what worked for me may not work for anyone else.
Good luck.
2006-12-01 00:43:41 · answer #7 · answered by Wildflower 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tough decision. you have to choose. investigate on this and give him the benefit of doubts for a bit. you may be blowing the pix into an elephant or this is a beginning of some signs. give him and yourself some time for observation and make up your mind. forgiveness will let you move on faster and if you choose not to forget, marriage counseling will be required cause you can't live like this.
2006-11-30 23:55:04 · answer #8 · answered by xyz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no u shouldn't forget it cause u never know he has an affir with ur gf and u don't know about it
i suggest u 4 get it 4 a while but keep it in the back of ur head and when situatins like this comes up like this u can bring this incident up and fix up the beef between u.
2006-11-30 23:29:50 · answer #9 · answered by Hally berry 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your right girl! Any man who would do that to his wife is a real butt! That was so disrespectful to you and to your best friend! I would make sure he knew how much it hurt you, and it would be hard not to watch him like a hawk for while, cause he violated the trust you had for him! Good Luck!
2006-12-01 01:09:13 · answer #10 · answered by justadream 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋