Am i wrong for deserting him?

Question

My best friend has recently been caught smoking and dealing pot. He got kicked out of school and now he is going to some sort reform school until the School Board decideds wether he should be expelled or not. He was allways getting drunk and high, acting like a moron. Saying things i know he would not normally say. I havent talked to him for 2 months. I feel bad for him because sometimes i see him, alone, sitting on some bench. Or skating down the road. I feel like im responsible for this in some way. I feel like i should call him to see if hes ok. But am i right to "shun" him? And am i right for leaving my best friend?

Answer 1

I don't see a right or wrong but we must all assume some responsibility. You say this was your best friend.Think about that for a moment. If you had a best friend and when you got into some bad **** they pretty much stopped talking to you would you consider them a friend. To be a friend is to sacrifice. You are not using drugs so what are you worried about. It's not contagious. I think you saw a friend in a bad way and panicked.Personally, I would apologize cause to me I would view myself as not being much of a friend. Friends have to encourage, be the voice of reason, be the harsh truth, be that hand that will pick you up, be the hand when you are scared to death, and most of all not bail on you when **** gets hairy. Now go to your friend and tell him you were afraid but you know you were wrong not to be there for him and would like a chance to make it up. This would also add some value in his mind of himself. That someone values him enough to want him around.
Friends til the end!

Answer 2

Call him, he could use a friend right about now. Tell him how u feel. Give him a chance to tell u how he feels. If he starts acting like a jerk, tell him that, too. Don't let him work u tho, u r not responsible for what he did, he did it to himself. DO NOT BLAME URSELF!! He took the chance & got caught, he knew he was wrong, he knew what would/could happen if he was caught, & he has been, & that's too bad. I don't mean him getting caught, his doing it in the first place. This was his misstake, just hope he learns from it, & cleans his life up. Good Luck to u both!

Answer 3

I recently pretty much deserted 4 of my good friends because at college the drugs and alcohol got out of hand. I LEFT the school. Thats all it was there secluded in the middle of nowhere, these people are full blown alcoholics by age 18. I couldnt stand it. I left. I have already lost touch. They are two and a half hours away. Drugs will ruin a friendship. They ruined many of mine. I got in tons of arguments with them, and it all went back to drugs or alcohol which is a damn drug damnit. don't feel bad about it. Only they can help themselves. All you can do is pray.

Answer 4

You can talk to him without being in his life right at the moment. Maybe an occasional phone call here and there would be a good thing to let him know you care and you are behind him, but you also should protect yourself. He may need time to deal with it on his own with the help of his family.

Answer 5

You did not desert your friend. Your friend deserted you, and his family by becoming a law breaking substance abuser.

Hanging out with him will do YOU NO GOOD.

Drug abusers look for people to drag down with them, or they look for other abusers to associate with.

You do not want to become one of them. You are growing up, maturing. Your former friend is socially and emotionally stagnent and going nowhere.

You have done the right thing to "shun" him.

Answer 6

He's obviuosly on his way to making some changes. Be there for him and maybe those changes, that you obviously want because clearly, you care about him, will occur faster. However, if after some time he still acts like a jerk, screw him. At least you won't have any regrets and you will be able to tell yourself that you did all you could.
Good luck!

Answer 7

It is ok to say hi to him when you see him. But the thing is (and it sounds like you are in middle/high school) you cannot allow yourself to be caught up with the wrong people. It sucks but "guilt by association" is all to common. (In case you don't know, guilt by association is when you are accused just for being associated with someone.) If you feel that he may get you in trouble it is best to keep your distance, and you might want to explain that to him. But don't ignore him altogether.

Answer 8

if he was your best friend can you support him a little?no one needs fair wether friends..its when your down you need your friend..right??if he askes you to do somthing your not comfortable with..like dealing tell him it's not your thing and go on..he's still the same person..just needs some help getting back into life..and its easier to come back if someone is pulling you a little..

Answer 9

No you are not wrong however you may want to rethink your responce to this. Yppu are not responsible for your friends behavior...However he may need a true friend at this time to confide in. Dont allow yourself to get so close that you end up in trouble but a siimple "Hey. I was wanting to make sure your ok.." may be enough encouragement for him/her...

Answer 10

You want an honest answer. Well sometimes to get someone to realize you have to show tough love. You have to turn your back and let them reach their lowest point. Once they want to start helping themselves to a better life - then you go and help and be there for them, but if they start falling again you refer them to professional help because you are not qualified to help them. Do not hurt your own life for a friend who doesn't want any help. Remember this is only opinion please take it as such.