How do I get over my husband that I still love that wants a divorce?

Question

I have been married 3 years and we have had a marriage with problems,whose doesnt?He wants a divorce and I just want time.But he is already going for legal representation.Its only been a month for me, but who knows how long for him.I dont want to feel like this anymore, but my heart.

Answer 1

By the time the lawyers get involved, it's over. Get yourself a lawyer, too, and take him for all he's worth. I know you love him, but if he's set on going you cannot make him stay.

Answer 2

While I have never been divorced or even married I hope my advice is helpful.

There may be hope for your marriage but you will need to find out why he wants out and see whether they are things you can change or work with. You will also need to decide if you really want to change for him, it is unlikely that he will ever change much from the person he is, he has already reached the point where he would rather leave than compromise anymore.

If you must divorce then you should get ready for your life to get turned upside down. Try to remain productive but do as much as possible to reduce your stress levels. If your job is full-on try to scale back to four or three days a week and spend a few hours during those days off on things that will slowly build into achievements like working on the house, garden or education. Of course this is after you have slept in and before you spend a hour in the bath.

Remove yourself from the rat-race, now is not a good time to be stressed out about getting that promotion or buying a bigger house. In fact it's never a good time to be stressed about those things!

Re-introduce yourself to your friends and family. Make time to visit friends during the evenings and take family days on the weekends. Make it about having fun not them listening to you cry. You can cry sometimes but people will start feeling very drained around you if that's all you do.

There are lots of other things you can do but the last one I will cover is perhaps the most important, get help. Go to a therapist, they really help and provide a stranger to listen to you cry rather than your friends. You can tell them stuff that is hurting you that would be unwise (or embarrassing) to tell to your family and will give you much better advice that "there's plenty more fish in the sea".

Check out the link below, while you may be scared of psychologists or even think they are stupid, may I recommend you try going a couple of times. You will find they are not like they are on TV they are just like talking to a friend that actually knows what they are talking about.

Answer 3

Obviously he doesn't love you enough to try and work things out. I'm sorry to say but you will have to face the truth. You are probably better off without him. You don't want to be with a man that wouldn't try to save a marriage. Maybe he's rushing into the divorce because he has someone else waiting on the side already. Good Luck! But just a reminder... no man is worth all the heartache you've been through.

Answer 4

Sorry sister.
THE WAR has begun. Once the "divorce gloves" are on.
Turn off that heart and start thinking. GET a Lawyer and start fighting back.

There is only two emotions in war and its Love or Hate.
Got me! Its all about the money and property now. So if you love that cat or dog, you best prepared to fight for it. If you left him, those locks are already changed!

Heal later. You are not the woman for him and he has made that clear as a printed document. That would piss me off.

Life sucks and it sure ain't fair. But life does go on!
I know I sound very harsh- yet I won't hold back on the reality of the situation. If time did not heal the wound, and therapy is not the option. Then going your own way in a healthy way is the only way.

After is all over- please look up PAIRS interpersonal counseling. It saved my mother in law's marriage, it healed my husband and it was our premarital therapy. So please look into it for you.

Answer 5

I understand how difficult it is to come to terms with a failed marriage. I have been divorced for only one year and it hasn't gotten any easier. Your husband seems determined to go through with the divorce and believe it or not, it may be the best thing for him to do, especially if his heart is in the wrong place. I wish there was something that I could tell you to make things easier, but there isn't. All the advice that you hear on talk shows and read in magazines seems irrelevant when you experience separation. I wish you the best. Good Luck!

Answer 6

my suggestions to you are:

1. Stop being desperately depressed and start to look at reality as it is. Despair, depression, and self-pity are overwhelming you and paralyzing you from reacting and doing something to make a change.

2. Have the courage to open a dialogue with your husband to discuss the issues which bother you, but present yourself as a thinking and rational woman, not as a desperately depressed wife. Tell him what you are willing to do in order to keep the marriage, and what you are not willing to take anymore. And of course, listen to what your husband has to say.

3. This can be the beginning of a new contract between you, based on expectations that are more realistic. Have the courage to see what is wrong in your relationship and to evaluate the things that you want and can change.

4. Start to live your life: invest yourself in work, studies, hobbies, friends, family etc. Take care of yourself by doing exercise, eating well and thinking positive thoughts to give you strength to continue and prevent despair and depression. You can become an active participant in your life by choosing to do what feels good for you.

Good luck,

Answer 7

`we have to allow the other person to be free, if they don't love us, and refuse to work on the marriage, there is nothing we can do. the more we obsess the worse we feel. time is something he is not willing to give, although it would be the smartest thing for him to give more thought to it. but u don't know how long he has been thinking about this, and u really don't know if he has someone else.do yourself a favor and distance yourself from him and don't focus so much on him right now. we will always love even if they don't love us. some people would rather run away from problems than work on them, he is really just cheating himself in the long run, only he doesn't know that.let him have his divorce, as he can get it anyway without u, and if he is meant to come back to u he will. sometimes we just have to accept what is going on in our life, even if it hurts us.

Answer 8

Brown eyes sometimes people feel quite different about things. Sometimes couples don't have the same beliefs, values, ethic and even dreams about what a marriage should be. Some people believe if marriage is not going to work out perhaps its better sooner to end rather then later.

Answer 9

I think it is time for you to get some counseling to help you get through this, both legal and emotional counseling. You may feel crushed right now and how am I going to make it. You will. You will find a strength within yourself that can carry you through this and make yourself a stronger person in the process. Out with the old. Let him move on. There is someone out their who will be better for you.

Answer 10

Unfortunately it will take TIME. It will hurt a bunch in the beginning, but as months go by, you will start feeling better and better. You will begin to realize that you are in a better place and move on with your life. You certainly don't want to stay with someone who doesn't love you...it will only cause you more pain in the long run, especially if he cheats and things get even worse. Have faith!