my bestfriend just told me she was pregnant...at 14?

Question

she has had her bf for about 9 months now. shes been having sex for all 9 of those months unprotected. i warned her so many times, but she just wouldnt listen. i asked her what she was gonna do. and she just said run away. like its that easy.well, first she is so young to be having a child. i just turned 16, and im still a virgin. and the girl is only 14.... idk why, but i feel like im the one to blam. even though im not :/ if her mom finds out, she'll start beating her. and no lie, she will try and kill the baby. her bf is 16, hes a nice guy, but i dont think hes ready for a kid. he says hes gonna take her somewhere away from her mom. and if he doenst, shes gonna go live with her cousin in newyork.im just really sad right now. i've known her since i was in the 3rd grade. we been friends forever and i think everything is going to change now.but the most thing im worried about is her and the baby. she has no job, still in 9thgrade. any advice?..how can i help her?

Answer 1

honestly, it's probably her upbringing that has caused so many of her issues. I would not feel to blame, darlin, you should blame her mother!! Sounds like her mother is unsupportive, and has caused your friend to have low self esteem...which is the main cause of a young girl having sex early in adolescence. She's reaching out for acceptance, and the easiest way to get it is from a boy. Probably doesn't have her dad around either, right?

She is way too young to have a baby. You sound pretty intelligent, so I hope you can understand at 16 that she is still a child herself. She can't be self-sufficient. She can't even get a job without a permit, and she can't even drive! How can she support a baby?! And it's not like she's going ot have her mom or other people around to take care of her while she takes care of her baby. Sounds like the best thing for your friend to do is give up the baby for adoption or, perhaps even consider abortion. There are just too many unwanted babies out there who grow up to have terrible lives, just like your friend.

The most you can do is be there for her emotionally. She's going to need you. And she'll appreciate having you to help her through this. Take care and best of luck to your friend.

Answer 2

If you know her mom will hurt her, don't tell her mom.

Call Children's Services and Planned Parenthood. Child Protective Services should be listed in your phone book. If it's not call the police and ask for their number. The free Planned Parenthood hotline is 1-800-230-PLAN.

Children's Services can help protect her from her mom.

Planned Parenthood can get her the care she needs, whether she chooses to have the baby or not. They can also set up a free appointment with a counselor so she can talk about all this with someone impartial.

She really needs someone's help. Tell her it's not okay to just run away. Let her know you're trying to help. Let her call those places from your house so her mom doesn't find out that way. Ask your mom or another adult (who agrees not to tell her mom yet) to help with rides to the Planned Parenthood office and talking to Children's Services. Maybe she could even stay at your house for a while after someone tells her mom.

But whatever happens, she should NOT run away with her boyfriend. The police will find them. They are both minors and everyone would be looking for them day and night.
Good luck. You're going to need it.

Answer 3

her mom WILL find out eventually. within the next 9 months.
the boyfriend is unable to "take her away" and the cousin in new york is a pipe dream. She will end up living with her mom and her mom will be furious because the mom has to take all the responsibility. The only way to make the mom feel better is if the girl has a plan for taking care of the baby. which she does not.
there's not much you can do except ask her about her plans for providing for and taking care of the baby. help her think realistically. and tell adults so health care can be received.

Answer 4

You can help your friend by encouraging her to see the school counselor and asking that the counselor be present when your friend breaks the news to her parents (and his parents). Counselors are trained to offer numerous avenues im making the choice between having and keeping the baby, putting the child up for adoption, abortion, etc.).

I would be as supportive of whatever decision she makes - and let her know that you are available to talk. Your friend will need a compassionate friend, whatever choice she makes.

If your friend really thinks that her mother will beat her, she needs to let the counselor know that. No one should be subjected to that FOR ANY REASON EVER.

We all have to learn our lessons and some learn them the hard way, while some learn from others. Your friend is learning this lesson the hard way. Offer to go with your friend to the school counselor. The counselor can point your friend in the right direction for assistance from your local county. The most important thing of all is that your friend complete her high school education. There are programs for unwed mothers, through your county, for child care. Your friend should not let the pregnancy get in the way of completing her education, should she take the route of having the child.

Answer 5

I don't know the full story about your friend's relationship with her mom...if it's true that her mom will try to harm her or the baby, maybe it is best for her to go to a relative's house. Her mom will definitly freak out, what mom wouldn't if their daughter got pregnant at 14! But her freaking out doesn't necessarily mean that she doesn't love her or won't be there for her. But, this is her situation to deal with. You need to stop thinking about how this is going to affect you and your life if she leaves. Ok so if she leaves, you'll be sad your best friend won't be around anymore. That doesn't even come close to how SHE will feel from what SHE is going through right now. Be there for her, be her friend, give her all your support. But this is a family issue that you have no say in, and she needs to deal with it with her boyfriend and their families. Her boyfriend is 16 right? He's old enough to get a job, and there are clinics for young pregnant girls to help her through her pregnancy. They got themselves in deep by having sex too young, now they need to step up their game and take responsibility for their actions.

Answer 6

First of all tell that girl to call child protective services. But sweetie its not your fault. All u can do is be there for her. Im pretty sure she's feeling all alone weather she tells you or not. But you cannot do anything. Your still a kid yourself girl. So she put herself in that situation. Not you all you did was be a good friend and warn her. Its up to your best friend to stick this one out on her own terms. Tell her its time to think like an adult. And don't be no damn baby.

Answer 7

Support her the best you can..! Shes going thru a major emotional change, and she needs you..! Just let her know that running away isnt going to solve anything or make anything better...Try to call childrens services or a place for young mothers, so she doesnt have to go back with her abusive mother...She's really to young to be having a baby, she should of thought before she laid down with this guy...A baby is a big responsibility that she nor her b/f can handle..they both are young and have their whole lives ahead of them..Maybe try an talk her into doing adoption, b/c she cant handle a baby, skool, plus a job to support her child..Shes even to young to get a job, so shes screwed there...but her b/f can..he's old enough...they really need to sit down with sumone and talk this out...they are too young to be caring for a baby...! Just help them thru it the best that you can..! Good Luck, and Best Of Wishes to you and your friend...!!

Answer 8

Don't blame yourself you tried to help her and you still are. If you can't talk to her mom because you are worried about her abusing your friend then here are some possible options:
your mother
a local church
a crisis pregnancy center
I'm not sure where you are from but often there are local groups that will help girls like your friend either to keep the baby or place it for adoption ( providing she doesn't want an abortion).
Try www.gladney.org it may be too far from you but they have great information and might be able to help you contact some one in your area. Good Luck and I hope this helps!

Answer 9

She needs to talk to her mom. Her mom is probably going to be mad and dissappointed. She was the one that decided that she wanted to have sex with out protection so she is going to have to deal with result of that. It isn't easy being a young mom I had my first when I was 18 and I have my second as well but I have been with the dad for 4 years now and we are engaged to get married this coming year in the summer. Where is the dad in all of this he should step and take responsibility for the baby as well.

Answer 10

She needs to go talk to Family Services. Talk her out of doing anything rash. Running away will only create new problems. Be sure she gets professional advice from Family Services, a councelor at school, a preacher, another adult she can trust. But when she gets good advice....support her and her decisions unless those decisions are rash and nonproductive. In that case tell her just that.