She is an LPN, working, married to a loser, and has a 3 year old. They both smoke, drink, and eat out at least 7-8 times a week, have a $100 cable package and cell phones, but can't pay their monthly bills. I will not give her a dime, and I told dad not to either - that the kid needs to grow up and learn to love within her means. She does make good money too. Sorry - but I can't feel sorry for her, and I will not pay her bills. What can I tell her that won't cause a family fued?????
2006-11-30 12:50:41 · 22 answers · asked by Troy 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Dad has a VERY tough time telling her no-she gets nasty with him. I do not want to tell her anything, but her msg told dad to talk to me - she knows I control the money. This is not the first time she has asked for money like this.
2006-11-30 13:05:47 · update #1
Simply put' It's her life' Let her live it. If you jump in and try to help her all you are doing is showing her that she can get into something and not worry about it because daddy will bale her out. She's gotta learn' and sometimes the best way is the hard way. Leave it in her lap that way somewhere along the way she will get tired of the bum she is married to and either leave him or he will change and start doing what he is suppose to do as a father and a husband.
2006-11-30 13:11:54 · answer #1 · answered by Sarcastic Sid 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
know that this is 8 years old, and I hope your daughter has gotten it together. However for the future people reading this I want to say I a a 40 year old student married and my wife is also a student. After the "Great Obama" enacted his healthcare we lost hours at work to the tune of 800 dollars. We have had to ask for help from our parents. I hate doing it. I was raised by my great grandparents to know that I should never need to ask for money, however depending on the situation the children may be in a jam that was created by something out of their control. We are both disabled and finding another job with our school schedule has been impossible so far. We could collect Social Security Disability, but we don't want to be welfare whores like others are. We are trying to create a future for ourselves. Just keep that in mind.
2014-12-17 16:37:18 · answer #2 · answered by Nicole 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I think no means no. You just need to explain to her that you have your own bills.
Do you get the luxury of eating out all of the time and smoking and drinking? I am guessing no....if this is the case, perhaps you need to tell her that you don't get those luxuries, so why should you have to support her luxuries.
Once and for all, you just need to say NO so she gets the message and stops asking for money.
If you do lend her the money, make sure she signs something to pay you back, within a reasonable time frame. When or if she refuses, tell her that in lieu, she can just provide you with the booze and cigarettes she buys or can invite you for meals out, until your bill is paid.
2006-11-30 13:59:43 · answer #3 · answered by Jennifer J 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She doesn't sound like much of a winner either. She decided to get pregnant at 17.
At least if they shut off the power, the cable is useless (and they should cancel it). She needs to learn to stand on her own 2 feet, but she set herself up for failure. She's still basically a baby.
But the others are right - this isn't your problem. Unless the 300 dollars will put you in a hard place, your husband really needs to deal with this. Don't get involved.
Or if you decide to do this, get your husband and you to consider this her Christmas present.
2006-11-30 13:03:29 · answer #4 · answered by voxwoman 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Tell her the child can stay with you guys so the 3 year old will not be neglect, but you just can't make it easy for these young kids not being responsible for their living, she make far more money than you guys have together on monthly budget, and with all of their extra spending that they do, they already proven what is important in their life! They can really care less the proper care of their child, by their own actions of behavior.
Don't feel sorry for her, she and he chose what they wanted!
and if she really truly want to make a change there would be a change in her living habit!
She and he just wants someone to live off on and use them and soak you up for everything you got!
This is from past experienced that I did when I was younger!
ITs ugly, but its the truth, and if she does not make change now, then the child will live in neglect for he rest of his/her life because the parents does not want to be accountable and responsibility of the way they live!
2006-11-30 13:11:23 · answer #5 · answered by ourjacobdavid 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
YOU do not need to tell her anything. Her father should be telling her. If he doesn't then she needs to be told you cannot and will not support 2 households. Offer her budget help. If she refuses, as cruel as it sounds let them get the utilities shut off. Also remind her husband is the one who should be the main bread winner of the family not you and your husband. She will most likely stop speaking to you, but, if you give in, you are an enabler and will always be supporting them. If she doesn't get it and the child suffers, petition the court for custody or he will end up in the "system". Good luck. Just tell them the bank is closed as of now.
2006-11-30 12:59:12 · answer #6 · answered by ladygwen 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to direct her to a financial planner. Let someone else tell her she's living beyond her means. Pay for the 50 dollar consulation fee. Then tell her if she deviates from that plan she's on her own. If life hits here with some emergency, then you will be there as family are.
Don't be afraid of tough love. You are doing more damage by avoiding the truth!
2006-11-30 12:55:54 · answer #7 · answered by king_o_cutz 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't give it to her either. It'd be different if she'd been being responsible and had fallen on hard times but that doesn't sound like the case. My 37 yr old sister does this to my parents all the time and they can't seem to say no either because they don't want the stress of dealing with her when she's mad. Just put your foot down or it will never end.....notice my sister's age? You don't want this going on that long I'm sure so put a stop to it now. Good luck!
2006-11-30 13:29:26 · answer #8 · answered by . 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell her to contact the electric or utility company and ask about subsidies provided by the county or state. There are many programs in most cities to help in a one time situation. She'll have to go through the rigmarole of filling out a ton of paperwork, and they may or may not pay the bill for her, but it might open her eyes as to what she needs to make the priority in her life. If it is PG&E on the west coast have her check out these sites:
http://www.pge.com/res/financial_assistance/
http://www.csd.ca.gov/LIHEAP.html
...otherwise she can do a search for utility bill financial assitance herself.
2006-11-30 13:03:34 · answer #9 · answered by AnswerWhore 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
She's irresponsible and unreasonable. Why should she pay her own bills when daddy will bail her out? Let her learn the hard way, I'm with you all the way on this, bc she is not budgeting well. Dining out, expensive cable, cell phones, liquor and cigs are not exactly essentials! Your husband should grow some nuggets, his daughter won't love him any less. She's being manipulative. Stick to your guns.
2006-11-30 18:43:19 · answer #10 · answered by Lake Lover 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋