My husbands ex-wife calls to talk to him about their 5 and 6 year old daughters AT LEAST twice a week...?

Question

on top of getting on the phone to "discuss" mid-conversation with his daughters when he calls a totally 2 different times that same week. So thats a total of like 4 times a week. She seems to be saying the same things over and over.....1)griping about me(the new wife) and 2)telling him how much his kids miss him and that he should try and see them more...problem is that we are two states away and she KNOWS we can't afford to see them more often cause we live 2 states away(my husband is in the navy)-and the last time we tried to see them, she said no way. I could see if she was calling to talk about letting the daughter that misses him so much come live with us. But I don't think its right or neccessary to call him just to keep telling him over and over that his children miss him so much given the cirumstance. She actually had the nerve to suggest that he quit his career to ensure he would be back in the same state "for the children." Is she calling to much and talking about

inappropiate things? I feel like she is going overboard. Especially asking him to quit his career, what is paying her child support.

I trust my husband completely, its been going on for 3 years now and she has remarried as well.

and when she calls, she talks for anywhere from 30 min. to an hour

Answer 1

You husband needs to tell her that she can have the kids call or if there is something important only about the kids. He needs to flat out tell her that he is not concerned with her or her life...He needs to do this and not sit there and listen to her babble...

Answer 2

you have it good. Trust me on this one. She could be calling 4 or 5 times a DAY. Or an HOUR. There are some stepmom books you can read that will help you out a whole LOT...

Anyway, I tend to agree that parents should see their kids as much as possible, but there are issues when you live close by that are different than when you live far away (like the ex coming over all the freaking time). But his daugters are young, and they do need him.

When she calls, does he get a chance to speak to the kids? Maybe if your husband can talk her into putting the kids on the phone every time she calls, she won't call so much.

If you can get your husband to get her on a regular schedule of phone calls (except for emergencies), and the phone calls are to the KIDS and not to HER, would that help your peace of mind?

If money isn't a problem (like if he's paying his support on time and everything) then she should not be bugging you about random stuff. And your husband should NOT let his ex badmouth you to him or to the kids.

You and your husband should decide where the boundaries need to be with your relationship to your ex-wife-in-law. And then your husband has to grow a pair and stand up to her and enforce the boundaries.

Answer 3

Girl, let me tell ya - I HEAR YA!!!! My husband's ex-wife, Lynette, (ugly name for an uglier person), calls my husband all the time too!!!!!! They don't even have kids together. I don't know if she complains about me or not, but I know she wants him back. She asks for money and "just wants to talk." I laugh that she is so jealous. But, I am 25 years younger than she is and I didn't have to get redone before he would take me in public, like she did. Anyway, just know that you control your husband's ex-wife's emotions. Obviously, she can't stand that you are with him. She's not calling about the kids that much, or what I mean is she is using the kids as an excuse to call him. I think she is calling WAY too much, especially because she won't let him or the two of you see the kids when you want to. There really is no remedy and eventually, it will probably stop. But, you should be smilin' inside all dam.n day knowing that you have made her miserable. Again. I personally think that the whole thing has nothing to do with the kids.

Answer 4

Stay out of it. they aren't your business. You are the new wife but you have no say. You knew he had kids and an ex when you married him. I hope my ex doesn't get re-married, but if he does he will know to keep the new honey outta my business. I call my ex about the kids almost every day. Sometimes we talk 5 sometimes we talk an hour. You have no right to nag him like you are.
Divorce is terribly hard on kids, and he knows that. Your nagging him is only making that pain worse for him. And you are driving him away. You will not come out in 1st place if you make him choose. Unless you want to be a single mom raising kids with a new wife nagging him that he talks to you too much, KNOCK IT OFF AND NOW!!!

Answer 5

I had a problem similar to this early on in my relationship. It seems like she is still stuck on your husband maybe not romantically since you said she was remarried, but in an emotional way. They have children together, so they probably feel connected even though they aren't really interested in each other. Also she probably just gripes about you because she is jealous that you are making him happy when she couldn't. My advice would be to talk to him about it rationally and see how he feels about it then tell him how you feel.

Answer 6

Sounds like she's playing some manipulative game here. The idea that he's going to soon have kids with someone else (that's what I assume is implied by the name "Mommy2be") is likely lending more urgency to this. She's not really calling about the kids, nor driven by concerns about their welfare; this is some kind of way to reach into the relationship between your husband and you and mess it up in some way. You and your husband should touch base with a marriage counselor or other appropriate professional.

Answer 7

Get over it- u knew from the get-go he had 2 little girls. They're his responsibility too, & he has a right & obligation to keep in touch with them. If u try to get between them, u will be the loser. Try to be more supportive to him, he's under a lot of pressure & u're not making it easier for him. I do,however, believe her asking him to give up his career is too much. Is it possible for u to split the cost of the kids coming to visit, for the wkend., once a month or so? Try a little harder to get along with the ex, in the long run, u'll be glad u did. It will benefit ALL of u.

Answer 8

He should speak to her at least 2x a week about the kids and he should speak to them at least that much. He and he alone can set limits on the subjects that can and will be discussed. His relationship with his children is at stake. This is not about her. He needs to restrict any negative or derogatory statements by hanging up immediately when she starts in. She is just like a child if you reward the negative behavior with attention it will increase. He should reinforce positive constructive conversations by not hanging up.

Answer 9

I think your question just reinforces my beliefs that people don't think the step parent role through before they marry into a ready made family. Wither you like it or not. Your husband and his ex are linked together by a bond that will be there for the duration of their children's life. Unless you want to run the risk of alienating yourself from your husband you need to try to be more understanding and possible more involved in the discussions. Best of Luck.

Answer 10

Your husband is always going to have a connection with his ex wife because she is the mother of his children. You need to learn to deal with it. Divorce is devestating on children. Have you sat and held your child who is weeping because they miss their daddy so much that it hurts? When you have walked a mile in her shoes and been a single mother raising children without the help of their father maybe then you will have a right to think she is petty and her calls are unnecessary. Until then, accept that she has the right to stay in contact with him for the sake of her children. Maybe he needs help in remembering he has children. I know my ex seems to forget for weeks at a time if he is not reminded. Those girls need their daddy as an active part of their life, not as just a part time father. You should be encouraging him to be closer to his children, not trying to keep them apart.