My mother in law doesn't listen...help?

Question

My mother in law has been dating her boyfriend for 15 years...off and on...they are constantly breaking up and getting back together. My dilemma is, she insists that my children call him "Grampie"...I've asked her NOT to do this, because when they break up, my kids are confused and sad that "grampie" is gone. I don't mind that they call him by a nickname, but I don't want them to think that he is their grandfather. After 15 years, he hasn't married her or even divorced his first wife.. he's a jerk and a bad influence. My husband says to just "put up with it", but I'm not like that, and every time I ask her to stop (no matter how forward I am) she does what she wants, anyway. Should I just suck it up and let it go, or continue to stand my ground?

Answer 1

Explain to your children that he is NOT a relative. That he can't be their grandfather because he isn't married to their grandmother. Remind them that their obedience is to you and your husband first and that they won't be in trouble if they call him Mr. so and so (first or last name). Tell your mother n law that the children have been accurately informed about the relationship and that they have been instructed to refer to him in a respectful but appropriate way. You must also get your husband to go along with this or your children will be caught in the middle and irritated. That is unfair to them. Warn Grandma that if she persists in opposing you with regard to the children that she will not be seeing them anytime soon. Should that occur then calmly explain to the kids that Mommy & daddy don't want them spending time with grandma until she can follow the rules.
Keep it simple. Keep it straightforward and honest and the kids will be okay. As their parent you are justified in setting the standards for your children and to take into consideration the negative affects on your kids. However, as remarked upon earlier ; your biggest problem is your husband and his unwillingness to support you.

Answer 2

Well if they have been together for 15 years...I don't think he is going anywhere. But if he is such a bad influence why go near him. Maybe you could try having her come to see the children. If he is such a jerk he probably won't come with her anyway. And if that can't happen...then when they break up why is he not still comunicating with the kids at least over the phone. If he can't make a grampie commitment why call him grampie? No matter what they call him they will say they miss "him" when he's gone. Does your husband call him Dad? Call him Grampie "Steve or Joe or whatever. Add a name on it. But no matter what they call him they will still miss him when he's gone.

Answer 3

Well, standing your ground has it worked yet ?

Does not sound like it.

How old are the kids ? You may have to explain to the kids that their grandmother's boyfriend's nick name is "grampie" and that he is not their grandfather by relations.

I like your husband's ideal. He knows when to choose his battles and this is not one.

Best of luck.

Answer 4

As screwed up as they sound, I would not be quiet either since it is for sure not a good influence on your children. If I was you, I would have a good talk with granny and tell her to grow up herself. I mean at least mom is trying but this guy sounds like a real abusive self centered jerk. Also, I would watch gramps around your kids, it sounds like he may be a little too happy with himself, and you never know who else he is doing!

Answer 5

stand your ground, if you give in then your MIL will keep expecting more. you are doing the right thing by not letting your kids call him grampie they will get too attached.

Answer 6

My mother never allowed us to call people titles, that they were not entitled to. For instance my aunt had many boyfriends, and would refer to them as "uncle such and so", my mom made us call them by their first names. Due to the fact that they could hit the road at any time, and this is confusing for kids.

Answer 7

I think that sometimes you have to know when to pick your battles.. one one hand these are your children and you should try to keep them from being heartbroken, and on the other hand she is your mother in law, whom you should really try to get along with. I would sit the children down and explain to them that someimes people make mistakes, and try to explain that him and grandma arent getting along, but no matter how much you dont like it, he is basically their "grandfather" figure.

Answer 8

Are your children old enough for you to just explain to them what is going on, if not i would talk to your mother-in-law and come up with a Nick name that you both agree on.

Answer 9

i'm no longer effective what ur meant to do ya eman, i have been blessed with an quite superb and style mom in regulation who treats me such as her daughter, cooks for me, or perhaps brings me nutrition to mattress. Alhamdulilah i'm very grateful to have a mom in regulation like her. ur mom in regulation does look superb, perhaps ur purely unable to yet understand her precise. attempt to spend extra time including her and u receives to understand and understand her extra efficient so will she. i imagine that perhaps she purely desires that u wud ask for her suggestion or opinion on what ur paying for for ur new position, the do opt for to get concerned about such issues as they sense this kind their reviews are loved and needed. Abt the appearance, I dunno, perhaps that is how she looks at ppl. after I first were given engaged i spotted my mom in regulation each so often gave each body strange looks yet then I were given to keep in mind that typically she does that element including her eyes accidentally that makes u imagine shes giving u grimy looks. attempt to be superb to her and manage her nicely or perhaps if that if u dont opt for her to get too a lot in contact abt what ur getting for ur destiny living house, u shud nonetheless consistently ask her what she thinks of this or that. reliable luck -:)

Answer 10

Figure out another name for him - Unka Bob or Big Bill or something.