anyone who is deeply religious is there any truth in this story?my bf and i are getting married next yr.he was

Question

married before for 6yrs and has a child from that marrage.my bf is very religious and talks about religion all the time.he told me he married his 1st wife because it was expected of him from the church.he said after 3 mons he knew he made a mistake but made a promise to god to make it work.he said his wife was a control freak that was never happy which in turn made his life hell which led him to cheat on her with 2 different women.i do know he tryed therapy with her and gave her a child to try and make her happy and do the right thing as he said.i asked him if he did not love her why stay married and have a child and he said thats what his religion expects divorce is highly looked down on..he knows what he did was wrong and seems deeply troubled by it. i'm just afraid he might be a wolf in sheeps clothing and using his devotion to his religion as a excuss to cheat on his wife and end up doing the same thing to me.

Answer 1

I would worry about that too. I'm was raised as very religious, but have found the light, so to speak and have become an agnostic. I'd keep my eyes open. A cheater is a cheater. P.S. Isn't adultery a sin?

Answer 2

He's using his religion as a crutch. If he were truly spiritual ; he wouldn't ever commit adultery because that is frowned upon by God which is much more than the "church". Past practices are great predictors of future actions. What will he say when he becomes discontent with you? That you aren't religious enough and he needs to be with someone who understands him? Perhaps the wife was controlling because he didn't hold up his end of the bargain by taking the lead as the husband in all things. Meaning, Spiritual, financial, and emotional. Making an excuse about his own child is a very juvenile thing to do. Drop this guy he will only drag you down. Find someone stable.

Answer 3

It sounds as if he is picking and choosing the religious beliefs he wants and discarding the rest. Actually that makes him pretty much as normal as the rest of us Christians. Which of course isn't all that great. Look, I've searched, read, studied, attended Bible college, searched some more, and I've come up with the same conclusion as most other Christians (the honest ones) We embrace what we like and reject what we don't like. That's what King James did! (King James version) The best thing for you to do is something a bit odd, and probably something no one else will advise. Go to church! HIS church! Learn what is the churches doctrine (they post it every where at the churches). Note: I find God works in very strange ways (I'm not complaining Big Guy!) Anyway you may find it's not Gods will that you stay with this guy. However, YOU will find the answer there, guaranteed!

Answer 4

Was he church of christ, or Catholic? If either one of these, I would say religion played a major role in not getting divorced. But on the other hand an affair would of been a sin also that I would think would be just as bad. Alot of men have the cheating bug in them when they are married young, and as they mature and get older they balance out, realize what a fool they were and become a loving husband and father the second time around. If you both love each other, and he was admitting to having an affair, than get married. Good luck.

Answer 5

People who are religious often have a very difficult time with divorce. Why do you doubt that he is telling you the truth? He obviously tried everything he could to make his marriage work. He knows that "cheating" is wrong, so why wouldn't he feel "troubled" over it? He sounds like a nice person who tried to do the right thing and it didn't work out. That doesn't make him a "wolf in sheeps clothing".

I think it would be a good idea if he "sorted out" his previous relationship "before" he gets into a new one with you. That would also give you time to get to know him.

Good luck.

Answer 6

(actually after typing everything below, I just remembered the best advice on this topic; the perfect test is to take a very long road trip with him, if you find that during the whole trip you are happy with him and feel inclined and comfortable to be with him and are interested in getting to know more about him, then things are good. If on that long road trip you find there is some iritability and you two do not get along or conversation periodically shuts down or you argue, then end it asap. If he is uncomfortable with such a trip or delays it twice then drop him. This is the best advice on this topic I know of and heard from others.) You can tell if someone is a control freak. If you try to have involved conversations with a control freak you will see that they will become uncomfortable, especially when talking about values. When talking about such things as how to raise children or talking about the nature of the relationship, issues of compatibility and values, control freaks tend to shut down and say I don't want to talk about it now. When I read your question I assumed the religion was christian, but others are similar on value systems. If a man truly loves his wife he will not be controling; it is difficult to tell if they just want sex, because it is our drive that addeds to our sense of urgency to not be lonely. Biblically husbands are comanded to love their wives, and wives are commanded to obey their husbands because "the head of the wife is the man and the head of the man is Christ". If you ask questions about how you can think more like he does in Biblical or religious terms, he will either show you scriptures or have to to reason things out, otherwise if he becomes unsure of himself then you know he has no idea what his religion is all about. Arguing is against my value system, but some couples think it is ok to argue. Find out how he stands and find out if he is likely to raise his voice if he argues, which should not be tolerated, in my opinion. Control freaks are users, and an extreme form of a user is a con artist. They are all mentally abusive, and many of them are physically abusive (most at some level). On the other hand there are many who are not users but they are set in their ways (an excuse that many control freaks or users use) and so they may seem to have some control tendencies. Just watch out for those who don't do what they say. Or they make long term plans and then become pesimistic about those plans and decide not to go through with it.

Answer 7

People who are deeply religious and consider themselves a christian do not committ adultry against their spouse. That is worse then divorce. Sounds as if he is trying to pull one over on you. Of course no religion condones divorce, but according to the church adultry would be the only reason that the church would find acceptable for his WIFE to divorce him. According to the bible he should never remarry again because he is the adulterer.

Answer 8

It seems to me, that if his religion was so important to him, he would not have cheated twice on his ex wife. That right there is a red flag for me. If I were you, I would step back and really take a look at what you really want. If it were me, and its not, I would question his devotion to his church and his God and find out if cheating is ok, believe me I'm sure you'll find out being faithful to your spouse is a must in any church.

Answer 9

Are you one of the women he cheated with? If so, opt out of it now and save yourself some time and money. I understand trying to make it work and being religiously motivated because of the stigma divorce brings. He did what he thought he had to do. If you have no peace about the situation don't do it.

Answer 10

This makes no sense, he says he could not divorce her due to his religion, yet he could CHEAT ON HER TWICE? Divorcing someone is one sin. Commiting adultry TWICE is two sins! He ended up sinning more by remaining married to her. Do not marry this guy, he seems like a liar and someone who really does not appreciate his faith, since he is so ready to blame everything on it.