1 1/2 years ago, my husband told me he was tired of me and needed a break from me and that he was going to move out. I asked him not to, but I said that if he thought he needed to do that to help him, then ok. He stopped speaking to me then and when needed an answer to something, he asked one of the kids to ask me or he would have the kids do whatever it was he needed instead of letting me help. He never moved out. A month later, he left me note in my car telling me he wanted a divorce. I asked him what could I do to help make this work, and he just said nothing and wanted to know how much money was I going to want so he would know how much to budget for. After 1 1/2 years, he still has not moved out. We are invisible to each other and live in the same house. I tried and tried to have conversions with him trying to make this work. I am now leaving myself. Should I tell him, or could I leave him a note stating I am moving out? Which happened to you...letter or person?
2006-11-30 11:15:34 · 18 answers · asked by Babygirl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Smart girl. I am in a similar situation and I hope I grow the balls and get the courage you have if things do not change around here very soon. For me, it has been a year but not everyday, it is usually two weeks on, one week off. As for how I will leave when I do, now that I have planned, I am taking a day of vacation while she is at work, packing my stuff and gone I will be, with no forwarding number, and if I see her anywhere, I will ignore her because I am sure wants the ball starts rollong, I will be good enough for her. But I guess that is why I am waiting to make sure this is what I want to do because I have a rule in life, NEVER LOOK BACK!!!! and I hope you follow this too. Because I can tell you exactly what will happen otherwise: you will move out, he will miss you in a few weeks, you will move back, he will play those same inmature games again, and you will move out, then back and so goes the cycle of life. So if you are sure that is what you want since you are getting no where, have had her and good luck.
2006-11-30 11:23:58 · answer #1 · answered by Jack Knauf 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The reason he probably never moved out is because, at least in California, if you leave and he stays, he will get temporary, EXCLUSIVE use of the property, and it will be harder for you to make ends meet if you are NOT the breadwinner in your family. Also, if you leave, it could have negative repurcussions regarding custody of your children. Meaning, he is more likely to get full custody if you leave the home, it is sometimes called abandonment by the courts. My suggestion is to hire an attorney IMMEDIATELY and then have him, eventually, removed from the home by court order. The chances of you remaining in the home and him leaving after you file for divorce is VERY GOOD. You are the children's mother and probably spend the most time with them & 90% of the time this is how it works. So, DO NOT leave, file for divorce and let the court remove him. Good luck.
2006-11-30 11:29:54 · answer #2 · answered by Karin 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Leave him a note on his car saying " When are you really moving or really divorcing me and about the money i will take all i can get out of you". do not speak to him just leave him notes around the house, you have tried to speak to him and it did not work. He sounds very insensitive to you but he is still there. Visit a lawyer they will be able to better advise you before you move out.
2006-11-30 11:23:57 · answer #3 · answered by lara 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I left my marriage of 21 yrs of which the last five I was invisible. Not a good way to exist. Time to move out and move forward. This is not a healty eviroment for the kid's or you. Leave him a note, get you a lawyer, and your lawyer will help you come up with a money figure to help you in you visible life.
2006-11-30 11:23:38 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good for you for finally leaving...not only has the situation been tough for you (I'm sure) but think of the kids. They should NEVER have been made to live in that situation.
I vote that you tell him in person, then DO IT. Be the more mature individual here. Never end a relationship via phone or note unless there is simply no way to look that person in the eye when you end it...
I wish you and your kids the best.
2006-11-30 11:18:43 · answer #5 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, the guy who moves out, generally come out behind in the $$ department. As long as you and he are just roommates, use the same attorney for a divorce (so you, hon, can move on in your life and find someone who will appreciate you) They're called mediating attorneys. Agree ahead of time who gets what, (Just assume, now, after 1.5 years that he want a divorce and get on with it......)sell the house, split the cash, and get on with your life---- but don't abandon the house. You and he are already "divorced", so to speak, you just need it official.
2006-11-30 11:31:55 · answer #6 · answered by ladyren 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cook That Goose Girl!
I would have left a long time ago. This very thing happened to myself. It is not easy to move on. When you do, leave all the baggage behind and try not to let the memories of the man he used to be try to lure you back.
Also it is very important to confer with your children about this. Listen to what they have to say. Conflict like this can't be easy for them either. Just be careful in your decision making. You have more to look out for other than yourself. Take care
2006-11-30 11:29:30 · answer #7 · answered by valerie_mantle 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear this but DON"T move out !!!
This will get tricky and he must of talked to someone and that's why he has not left.
He also must of found out how much he will be paying for child support.
If you leave you lose the home.
If you want out of the marriage ( i think you should get out) go to a lawyer and tell him whats going on and he will take you threw the right steps to make, You lawyer will or should get you timp custody of the kids and make your husband move out.. you need the home for you and the kids..
2006-11-30 11:23:59 · answer #8 · answered by babie919 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to grab your things and move on with your life. The happiness you deserve is obviously not with him. I have been there, done it, and once we got divorced, the arguing came to a stop. For the first time in years, we can be civil to eachother for the sake of our son. We couldn't accomplish that married... sometimes it's the best for both of you and everyone involved. Good Luck... it's not easy, but you will regain your happiness. God Bless.
2006-11-30 11:28:28 · answer #9 · answered by cameraspaz2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I did it in person. I have been telling him for weeks that I didn't know what I wanted, and told him today that I needed to move out to clear my head and get some things straight. He does know that I will be filing, though he still holds on to the hope that we can work it out.
2006-11-30 11:55:29 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋