having an affair with a married man?

Question

I'm having an affair with a married man, I have got a boyfriend aswell. I know I'll get some stick for this but I need advise! At first it was about sex but now I have started to get feelings for him, I don't know whether to tell him about this, I wish I could end it but it's very hard for me, help!

My boyfriend is a lovely man and I wouldn't ever want to hurt him he treats me well apart from things have gone stale, yep to all of you who gave me nasty comments yep I deserve them, just hope none of you ever end up in this situation! I used to hate "homewreckers" aswell!

Answer 1

you are attracted to him cos he maybe shows you feeling your boyfriend doesn't. plus it's the thrill of chasing something you know ultimately you can't have, do you really think he's gonna leave his wife, he's got the best of both worlds, quickie sex with you, then loving sex in a relationship with his wife.

you are being taken for a ride aswell as taking your boyfriend for one, i'm not going to condone what your doing or criticise it either, it takes two to tango.

my advice dump your lover it will never work, concentrate on your boyfriend, if you feel he isn't the one then dump him too, but don't tell him about your affair.

spend some time alone and discover what you want from a relationship.

good luck.

Answer 2

Yep, you are right - you deserve all the flack. You are also right in saying that you have to be in the situation to know how it feels. Morally and ethically, I would NEVER be in your position, but I have been on the OTHER end, and it sucks.

My Hubby (soon to be X) had a floozy like you - I divorced him when I found out.

However, all I can say to you is this. You say you want out - prove it! Get a little self respect and moral fibre and move on. Nothing good can come of building a relationship on other peoples unhappiness. He is using you anyhow!

So your relationship has become stale - tough! Do something about it. You carry as much if not more blame for that. I don't think you are really worried about a "stale" relationship anyway, when you are getting your Nookie elsewhere! Go for couples therapy, get some kinky toys or video's, talk to your b/f about how you feel. Don't cheat on him! That is NOT gonna solve your problem with him, and you are eventually gonna slip up and he will find out. Then you will lose him. It will only be a matter of time before the "other" relationship grows "stale" too. It happens if you don't work at relationships!

So, show that you have self respect, and are not the terrible person you are being labelled as being, and do the RIGHT THING! I would also suggest you tell your b/f what you have been up to, but why hurt him more than you are already. Wake up girl - Take the help offered and fix this!

Answer 3

You are not a home wrecker, your married manfriend is!
But you are deluding yourself. A man who takes a mistress is just playing out a fantasy and will never leave his wife.
He will more than likely get thrown out, then come running to you as second choice.
He doesn't want to leave his wife. He would have left her before he met you if he did!
Quit while you are ahead and the memories are there to cherish.
Things will get very nasty if both your partners find out.
you are only just getting feelings for him so it shouldn't be too difficult. should you wait you will and I repeat will wish you'd never been born! And that you'd never met him.
With him, you are a chattel not a person - so get rid.
Put all your energies into revitalising your relationship with your boyfriend. Tell him you want things to get exciting again and actively research how to put the blossm back into your relationship.
It will be far more rewarding in the long term.
You can do it. It will be difficult at first.
But put yourself and your own needs first as it is very obvious you love your boyfriend. Leave the turd of a turn coat husband and let some other idiot female take the flack. Because he will have you replaced inside 6 months. Promise!
I know, i was married to a man like him. And he was a predator!
So don't waste any feelings on him at all - he won't appreciate them at all!

Answer 4

The only solution is to stop both relationships as you obviously don't have true feeling for either or you wouldn't have betrayed either of them. Stop, THINK, & slow down. You need to learn how to be alone and happy so that when you enter a relationship you can come in as an equal partner and not just a hollaback girl. Ask yourself why your self-esteem and self-respect is so low. It is difficult to end things but that is the only choice you have if you ever want to get off of this rollercoaster of emotions and lead a balanced life. If the married man actually divorces his family and wanted to approach a relationship that is a different story. However, think of the children and the terrible situation they are in. What if you got pregnant? Would you want your own daughter/son to grow up with only a part-time dad? You made this mess and only you can clean it up. It is difficult to do but NOT IMPOSSIBLE. Clean up your act and in the long run you will be a lot happier. Set up some boundries and standards and if you have compulsive behaviors then seek help with a therapist who can aide you. The way you are living your life is not acceptable but completely within your power to change.

Answer 5

I feel sorry for your poor Boyfriend. What do you think gives you the right to fukk about on him like this? I bet you're the type that would squeal like a pig if you were to find out that your b/f was cheating on you.
If you have half an ounce of decency in you, you'll come clean with him & allow him to make the choice as to whether he still wants to have anything to do with you. If things aren't going right between you then let him go. You'll end up doing him so much damage that he'll probably carry for a large part of his life.

It's Girls like you that give the Female race a bad name.

Here's a quickie or two (pun intended) to enlighten you.

Fact No.1.
At first it was about sex for the married Man as well,

Fact No.2.
Here's something you don't seem to know .....IT'S STILL ABOUT SEX FOR HIM.

Fact No.3.
Out of every 100 Men that leave their wives for someone they're having an affair with 90 of them will return home to their wives.

Fact No.4.
You'll think it will be different for you

Fact No.5.
IT WON'T.

Here's a little something for you to think about IF he were to leave his wife & set up home with you.
How long after you both get married/settle down do you think it will be before you start to wonder if he's cheating on you now. because you will think like that.
I'm not judging you as much as I'm judging the married Guy. As for saying that you hope we don't end up in the same situation. It's not fate that causes you to continue seeing this Guy, It's by choice. It's not some freak accident that brought you both together, it's what you both chose.

I'll tell you shall I of the misery & heartache that happens to a family when a Guy has an affair. How the lives of so many people are affected & how the results of "just sex" tears right through not just the cheating persons immediate family but right the way down to the very core of the extended family. I know first hand because My uncle had an affair, That was 4 years ago now, our family is still struggling to come to terms with it all, my Aunt will never be the same again. I don't want to go into too many details here, but I'll tell you this for nothing, my uncle is now dead!
What was it all for??? SEX.
Sweetheart, if it's sex you want there are loads of available Guys out there.
Oh! & to those of us that think we can't control our feelings or who we "fall in love" with. well, we can actually. True, we can't help who we're attracted to, but it's up to us whether we pursue that attraction or not. If you really believe you have no control over your feelings then you're no more than a puppet.

Answer 6

Relationships work when there is a balance. As soon as one person starts to feel more than the other or starts to want more than the other things get difficult. Have you any idea how he feels?
Sadly women tend to get more emotionally involved than men.

Ask yourself what would happen if he felt the same way? Do you think you would both leave your partners to be together? Is that what you want?
and then ask yourself what would happen if he didn't feel the same way. How would you deal with it?

I think you should tell him because whatever his reaction you can then move on with your life.
PS
I never judge people who have affairs unless I know all the facts , no-one knows what goes on in a relationship and people who have never fallen in love with the wrong person don't know what it is like! but do be prepared for the fact that he may be less emotionally involved.
Good luck

Answer 7

The married man is using you plain and simple. You are a quick thrill for him and not a lasting one. When you mention your feelings you are being normal. You are driven by lust and the thrill also. This "good" thing you describe will come to an end. Get prepared and find someone that fulfills your needs for companionship since your boyfriend is apparently not the one!
Seek better, you deserve it!

Answer 8

ok so you have got yourself in a bit of a pickle and alot of peolpe are gonna get hurt,

the main thing to remember here is that the man you are having an affair with is already married and that must tell you a awful lot about him, if he can cheat on his wife whats he gonna do to YOU maybe not now but in time and he will

i think you should dump the married man and concentrate on your boyfriend

Answer 9

The solution to your problem is easy-and NOT very hard at all. Do the decent thing and tell your b/f. Your relationship with him is obviously not going to work-seeing as you are "starting to get feelings" for the player. Let your b/f go and try and find some REAL happiness in his life-with a REAL woman,cos he aint gonna get any with a mouldy old mattress like you. As for you and mr plank,may i wish you both every success in contracting cancer-couldn't happen to a nicer couple.

Answer 10

oh girl he don't hve feeling the way u do it is just a sex thing for him cause he has a wife that he is cheating on lets say he leave her and u and him together wht u think he will not cheat on u please!!!!! u have a boyfriend tht i believe loves u hold on the grass always look greener on the other side hon believe me it is not a good man is hard to find and there is a shortage of men y u messing that up for good women out there please leave the boyfriend if u want to cheat and stay with the married man and keep crying for the time u will be the woman on the outside cause he won't leave his wife it's always cheaper to keep the wife, you are just a booty call don't mean to be mean, and i am not judging u but as women we starting to think with our lower part like men, good luck god bless