How many times have you heard this!?

Question

My partner (father of our two beautifull daughters/3&5) started his own business last Feb. Since then, his attitude/patience/interest in me and the girls has deminished (he is angry, verbally aggresive towards me, critisises me constantly, shouts at the girls for really no reason (kids 'r' kids), complains if I haven't done the housework........... the list goes on/it's like living in a mine field. When he comes home I feel sick - I'm waiting for the abuse!. He won't come on holiday with us, he has decided to work over the Christmas period......... which means the girls and I will be away on our own. He won't /hasn't spent one day/half a day with us since he started his business......... Yet, he will take Sunday's off, go down the pub for twelve hours and then spend Monday's in bed recovering (he doesn't take bookings Sun/Mon). I so much want to get-up and leave but don't because my girls adore him... I also work p.time. I'm on the edge and would welcome your thoughts.. ta

Answer 1

Your living the dream sally,

Answer 2

Marriage guidance...but if he wont go...

You have done well to be patient with him this long, if it were me I would have ripped the kitchen cupboards off the wall and thrown them at him by now!

Have you tried to pin him down to talk about how you feel? This is serious rejection, only he has the answers as to why he is behaving like this. He is a lucky man to have a wife like you, my husband would come home to a suitcase if he spent twelve hours down the pub. Besides, Sundays are family days. If I may say so, he sounds as if he has become very selfish. Running your own business is hard work, I could understand a concern to make the business work if he was at it every day of the week, but as you say, he is not.

Only you can decide the ultimate action you take, but If you can, get him to go to Marriage guidance, if not, you can still go on your own.

Good luck, hope it all turns out well 4 all of u

Answer 3

There are alot of things that it COULD be.

1) He could be cheating, hence the emotional trench he's put between himself and your family. Constant criticism is another sign that there's someone else.

2) He's completely stressed out about the business. Money could be tight, or he just has no where to vent his frustration. He takes it out on you.

3) He could be suffering from the beginning stages of alcoholism. Alcoholism can cause violent mood swings and constant anger. You don't have to drink every day to be an alcoholic.

4) Perhaps there's an aspect of your relationship that he's unhappy with, and just hasn't told you for some reason.

I would ask him what the problem is. If he doesn't tell you, then you need to tell him that you can't be married to a man who cannot communicate.

Good luck to you, hon. I hope you find what you're looking for.

Answer 4

Sounds like he may be on edge not only because of the working but because he has something he needs to get off his chest. He seems to be avoiding the confrontations which may be inevitable. You should probably talk to each other even though it is hard and try to explain how you feel about the situation calmly and mention the girls. In the end, no matter how much the girls love him it is detructive to be in an abusive home and you should do what you think best for you and your girls.

Answer 5

RUUUUUUUUN!!!!! Wow, I so hate to be the one to do this. I would say hes either cheating on you or hes hiding something else. Have you tried talkign to him about it? I would do that if you havent. Tell him if things dont change you are going to leave. It would be better to get the babies away from it now. They might not remember as much as young as they are. If you wait and it gets worse they will remember and that would be tragic. So, I would talk with him and if things dont change quickly I would leave. I know it seems harsh of me to say this ecspecially since I dont know you. But, I would highly recommend leaving now if he wont/cant change. The babies wouldnt remember as much and that should be the main concern. If you are really afraid of the abuse he might not just abuse you but them too and that would be even worse. Talk to him...really try to have a deep conversation and tell him you are going to leave if it doesnt stop. Dont say you might...say you are. Shows you are more serious maybe even go as far as to have bags packed to show how serious you are. Thats about the only way to get through otherwise he might just think you are pretending you are going to go. Hope that helps and sorry for being so brutally honest. Hope I didnt hurt you to bad.

Answer 6

tell him things have to change other wise u r gone and u have to follow it through women and of course some men should stop being treated like a door mat the girls will still love u and there dad but if that is the only reason u r staying then it will hurt them more by staying do u want hem to grow up and find a man who does the things ur husband does

Answer 7

he could have taken too much on and be very stressed. he could also resent you being able to spend time at home.

would it be wise for you to maybe put some work in to the buisness or is this a no no

but it does sound a bit fishy to me that his attitude has changed dramatically you need professional advice andyou both need to attend.

i dont know if your husband will get violent but sort it before it does.

good luck

Answer 8

Reads to me like the man is very stressed out trying to make his business work. How is the business doing? Does he have money worries about it? Why are you and the girls going away........can't you have an 'at home' Christmas? Your question is centred around you..........but there is a whole bigger picture which needs to be considered.

Answer 9

I would say you really need to talk to him in a environment outside the home. could you get a babysitter and go out somewhere like for a quiet dinner or something similar It sounds like he is very stressed and taking you for granted...or I hate to say he sounds like he could be hiding something
Marriage counselling is a option.
What are the opinions of your family and friends
I hope it all works out for you good luck.

Answer 10

I used to hear it on a daily basis from the moment I woke up to the time I went to bed. You have to find the strength and leave. You don't want your girls growing up thinking that this is the way to be treated. Even if you are not with him, he will be their father and can visit him, but for your health and theirs find the strength and courage to look out for you and them.

Good Luck

Answer 11

You should seek professional help, counseling or some sort of third party assistance. If that doesn't work, you have to leave him. That is not a healthy environment to raise your kids. I've been through it, and I understand it is difficult, but you have to be strong for them.