I'm a blk woman and I find it hard to be myself when it comes to dating men.?

Question

Since we live in a society ruled by sterotypes. I often find myself being critizied for not being a typical sterotype, I'm blk and a female but I'm not a hip hop hoochie. I happened to like independent films and prefer sake and taquila. It just amazes me that in the 21 century we (human beings in general) are automatically put in these neat little boxes and personallity is not taking in to consideration. Is there anyone out there with some good advice on how to handle this situation with out going postal.
Please I need advice. No stupid or cruel comments

Answer 1

Girl when you find out let me know...it's like we have to prove our selves even more than others.

Answer 2

People usually act like "Sheeple," always going along with what the trend is. People also like to categorize whatever comes along, that includes people. Unfortunately, people continue to categorize without thinking of what they're doing. When someone does'nt meet up with the stereotypical way, then the comments come out, whether it's a Black woman not "acting Black," or a White guy acting "Hip Hop." These actions seem to bother the comfort zone of those people, hence the comments, jealousies, etc.
You're always going to run into these kind of people. Best to pick the friends that are not like this and hang with them. For those that make the comments, you can say, "oh...that's right...I better act like that hoochie that people want me to be." Or something like that. This will shut these critics up.

Answer 3

There are so many cultural diversities and they are overlooked and placed into stereotyping. I don't see anything wrong with the drinks you prefer or the films you enjoy. They are all of your choice. Be yourself you are who you are people will always pass judgment we cannot stop that. My family I thank God raised us to be open minded and acceptable of every living creature including humans. My family is built from all races and I love it. I am a white female and I enjoy malt liquor does that make me weird ? No it makes me who I am. I love all music because to me it is all different forms of art. Relax society is full of haters and perpetrators Be strong girl and you'll be fine just be your self be happy and live everyday for what makes you happy and not worry about what that person might think. LIVE

Answer 4

I can get where you are coming from. But your question really annoys me. You might want to examine your own question and your own personal beliefs. What exactly is a hip hop hoochie? Of course, thats not what all Black women are. As Black people, we should be the FIRST to reject that kind of narrow-minded thinking. Nobody is typical. At least when you take the time to get to know them. I mean, I eat all types of food, listen to all types of music, watch independent films, and basically do as I like because the world has so much to offer. But I still love hip hop/rap, Black movies and sitcoms, and things that are for us and by us. Because its so rare and I truly believe in embracing my own culture. But its not a crime if you don't like those things. Even though I would suggest giving it a try. And I have friends and associates from all backgrounds. And some of them truly anger me when they make comments that would suggest that they are so "different" from other Black people. You should always be yourself, no matter who you are talking to. And people always respect that. The problem occurs when you come off as a snob or go out of your way to make yourself seem "different" and "not like other Black people." Because I get along very well with ALL Black people, even people who wouldn't touch sake or watch an independent film. They may tease me about some things, but its in a light hearted way and its funny. You don't have to announce that you don't like hip hop or that you prefer other things. Get to know people and they will probably simply find it funny that you like things that they don't. As far as dates are concerned, you should get to know the person first. If you find that they aren't open to a lot of things, you could invite them to come along to something that you like. For example, they will probably find that they enjoy a certain restaurant because food is food, and if they don't, you can at least have a good laugh about it. That has happened to me. The main thing is respect, and as far as a love connectionn goes, you will eventually find somebody who is perfect for you. Good luck.

Answer 5

I feel you. I have been accused of having an identity crisis because I do not conform to stereotypes. I embrace many cultures and find it makes me a more interesting person than those who choose to perpetuate stereotypes (particulary of their own people). "we don't do this" or We don't do that" is often what I hear. It can be difficult at times, but sometimes I have simply acted 'weird' just to get feed into their ignorance. I find it amusing...they don't even know they are being had. And I get the last laugh. :-)

Peace be wth you...

Answer 6

Just ignore the stereotypes. They're not made just about blacks...they have ones for every race. Sterotypes should'nt even affect you personally since you know the person is being ignorant and you know in your heart that its not true. When you actually start believig its true because people say it so much...then that's a problem.

Answer 7

I have the same problem living here in Mexico...The Mexican men think that all American women are loose like in the movies and tv shows. This really pissed me off!!! Soooo I had to ignore a lot of idiotic comments and rude behavior on that macho_egotistical part. But don't let Testosterine get in your way. Let a man's education lead you to the right path. If he is really interested in you for who you are and not what you are, the bedroom is the last thing on his mind.
A real man knows how to treat a lady.

Answer 8

Just be yourself. As cliche as that sounds. Do you really want to be with a man who you don't feel comfortable enough to be yourself? Don't ever change yourself to please someone else.

Instead try to find men who have similar interests as you. Go to independent film festivals and see if you can find someone who loves indie films too. Hang around other places that have people who share your interests. Bars are just meat markets just try to avoid those.

I know people like to put people into categories because it is easy. Just do your best to be yourself and you'll find a guy who wants you for the individual you are and not the person who some other guy wants you to be.

Answer 9

Maybe it is the crowd you associate with or the places you go. You sound very intelligent and classy. I don`t think you would be stereotyped at the symphony or art gallery. I recommend going to places that reflect your tastes. I think you will find the stereotyping disappear.

Answer 10

Hey I am the same way. I don't fit nor support the stereotypes put on blacks. People get mad when you don't act like the stereotype you are supposed to have.

I have broken every negative stereotype you can find against blacks.

Nothing runs my life but my self!

Answer 11

I hear ya! I'm in the same boat. I used to be one way with whites and another way with blacks. I had to get over it. You do too.

I found that people will judge, stereotype and discriminate no matter what you do. So it's a lot easier to be who you really are -- for you not others.

Best, G.