http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-cmoLuqczeqJELjnKucMYfAfZOA--?cq=1
2006-11-30 08:49:24 · 10 answers · asked by baddrose268 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
I think it's pretty good! Will he make it or not? I'm ready for the second chapter.
2006-11-30 09:03:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems like you have a pretty good storyline...however, there is a lot of "technical stuff" you need to double check. My suggestion is to print it out, and give a copy to three people....one to an English teacher, one to a parent (or an adult you trust) and someone your age...this way you get opinions and ideas from a variety of sources. It's OK if they hand it back to you covered in red marks... after all, there's nothing better than subjective criticism.
My father "butchered" my first three chapters, and caught a few things I didn't notice the first 300 times I read it. I have to admit, he had several good suggestions.
Most of all, don't get discouraged...you've got talent, it just needs to be polished a little.
side note....I know how hard it is to put your "baby" out where everyone can see it....I'm often scared by the fact that someone will plagiarize my ideas, but just keep at it and you'll go really far.
If you need another writer's point of view, you can e-mail me at catatmyfeet2004@yahoo.com
2006-11-30 11:14:12 · answer #2 · answered by VA Mamma 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
1) You need to improve your spelling and grammar.
2) Have you ever heard of a thing called a "paragraph"? You
need to.
3) A judge's "hat"? What's that? Does a judge wear a "hat"? If it
is a part of the official attire where you are, you need to find out
what it is called.
4) Perhaps a tad too much detail, but promising, as far as it goes.
2006-11-30 09:03:37 · answer #3 · answered by pessimoptimist 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to do some research. My husbands a cop and alot of the stuff in your story doesn't make sense. Some of the charges aren't real charges and You usually don't snort meth you smoke it and a .22 wouldn't hurt anyone. You could do more damage with your fist. Try a 40 glock. Do some research and make it more real and believable and it would be good.
2006-11-30 09:01:32 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It needs some editing and at this point would probably be a better short story than a book, but keep working on it! Don't give up!
2006-11-30 09:00:33 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not bad, but i think a little over dramatized at parts and a little wordy. You could say more with less added words. try to write the way you hear people talk, not how they sounds in other books. But I would like to read more if i could. :))
2006-11-30 08:57:05 · answer #6 · answered by blah blah blah 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I really liked it. Trust me, if I can focus on anything for more than 3 sentences it's gota be good. Keep up the awesome work!
2006-11-30 10:04:15 · answer #7 · answered by Brandy N 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its okay but you need to revise some parts. ask your englush teacher for editing help.
2006-11-30 09:50:11 · answer #8 · answered by ♥ candy-diva ♥ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dumb, stupid and boring... a typical deadhead. By the way, you have too many non-sentences in your work... which sucks anyway!
2006-11-30 08:56:26 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 4⤋
DUDE...IT ROX....THAT IS SO COOL
2006-11-30 08:55:44 · answer #10 · answered by October 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋