Thanks for the replies to my first post, it's nice to vent & get unbiased responses. Quick summary; my husband of 3 yrs went through a long period of migraines & depression that left him a zombie on meds 24/7. I needed a partner, someone to lean on myself, but he could not give that. It was like i was just a roomie, to take care of him, and as soon as i needed something, he'd check out and claim he had a headache or was tired. Now, after 2 months of therapy, & hitting bottom, i realize that i don't love him anymore. I gave him everything, he stomped all over it, and I can't forgive that. He has changed into a cynical negative human who gets no joy out of life. I don't want to be married to that the rest of my life, i want to be happy. The problem is, he says he can't live without me, that he loves me, that i keep him from being depressed. He claims he will change for me, and tries to pretend things are normal. He'll reach to kiss me, and i cringe. sigh. am i the bad guy?
2006-11-30 08:33:49 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Whatever happened to "in sickness and in health"? If you leave him because he's sick, you're no better than someone who cheats on a spouse. He needs therapy, not condemnation. People who treat someone who has a mental illness with such disregard make me angry. Help him pursue a more rigorous course of treatment, and reclaim the man you originally fell in love with.
2006-11-30 08:51:29 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are in touch with your feelings and that is good. Can you trust them to be real? Maybe you need a separation period to allow your feelings time to really move in the direction they will. If you find in time that you do not have feelings at all for him, I would suggest not creating a miserable life by thinking you must stay together. Marriage like that doesn't work for good. It would be better to be just friends without strings attached. Some people say they love, but it is just a want and need thing and not really true love.
2006-11-30 17:34:57 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not the bad guy, but I think you should give it more time.
I have had ups and downs with major depression, hospitalization, etc, and I was terrified that my husband would leave. I really needed to lean on someone, but felt so guilty that I felt so crummy that he couldn't lean on me.
I felt so awful when I was depressed, and I was a human guinea pig with medications, and my husband did more than his fair share with household things and helping with my daughter.
I'm better now, and have been for a while.. But I don't know what would have happened if he hadn't stayed by my side, encouraging me. Eventually, I knew it was up to me to take control, and seek the resources to get the help I needed. And I KNOW it was tough and draining on him.. But we made promises to each other.. for better or worse. And I'm thankful he stuck it out. I'd stick it out for him too, in a similar situation.
I'm not saying your cruel or the bad guy, but seriously think it through first. He might need you. Would you want him to leave you if you needed him?
2006-11-30 17:29:09 · answer #3 · answered by AnswerMom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no you are not, at least from what I am reading here...although, there are always two sides to every story...The bottom line is this...if you are truely unhappy, leave the marriage.....If you can't stand your husbands touch and you cringe when he tries to kiss you, it won't get better...so, bite the bullet and end the relationship. You cannot let him guilt trip you into staying in an unhappy relationship and he will not change because you want him to ...if he wanted to or could, he would have done that on his own. He will live without you...it won't be easy no doubt but why would you stay? Move on with your life, you deserve better and so does he...good luck
2006-11-30 16:42:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
NO WAY! This sounds too close to my previous relationship. People always get scared when you decide to live for yourself. The only person you can save and make happy is you. If you are ready to leave, then you need to leave-you are not responsible for another persons emotions-many people have lost people they love, only realizing that they hurt and used the person after the fact.
You take care of yourself first and foremost. Leaving is never easy, but if you keep your head up, have faith, and take care of yourself everything will work out for you both!
2006-11-30 16:43:01 · answer #5 · answered by amer75 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm in the same situation and it sucks. We live in the same house but I can't deal. I even went for counseling. I'd need a heart transplant or heavy sedatives to stay here, but I don't leave because she's actually a nice person. I have no attraction, sex is non- existant and I miss that. Gotta make a move, things are just gonna get worse. I can't stand it when she kisses me ..Gotta move on.....It's easier said then done.
2006-11-30 16:48:42 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you need a divorce sweet heart. You still have your life, he has his; dont let the fact that hes on meds be the reason you are not happy. Hes the problem, and he cant get over it. I recommend you threaten with the divorce, give it little while longer and then if nothing changes. You know what to do.
-James
2006-11-30 16:36:54 · answer #7 · answered by jameswilliamlong 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i would tell him its over you cant continue to do this any longer say your a wonderful man but your health has taken a told on me & your not wanting to live in a marrage were you given all the love & him not returing the same back but more less give you a big head acke
2006-11-30 16:38:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
just gently tell him it's over. he should know by now not to have other people as his crutch. he sounds like he lost himself somewhere and he needs to go out and find himself. tell him you will always be there for him but you cannot be with him anymore. he needs to learn how to live with himself before he can live with someone else.
2006-11-30 16:43:35 · answer #9 · answered by pikachu 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, i am going through the same thing. Its not as simple as people think it is.
2006-11-30 16:37:00 · answer #10 · answered by tinamaries43 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋