Is this story going to be any good?

Question

Dougal’s and Jan’s story.
Dougal and Jan go through a tough time in their relationship, with 3 children and Dougie’s nan to look after.
Dougal gets a new job, as he is promoted to manager after Jan accidentally runs over the last manager. (No body but Jan and Dougal’s nan know this.)
But in his new job, Dougal has to work long hours, and Jan is left to look after Marge (nan), and ends up going mental.
But after they go off each other, Jan needs to do anything to get her husband back, so she announces that she’s pregnant with his baby.
But little does she know that she is actually pregnant. (She was telling a lie when she announced she was, but she was, but didn’t know)
And when the bump arrives she wants an abortion, but Dougie wants a son, (their other children are girls). So he tries to sway her decision.

Then it was the worst day of Dougie’s life. His wife, Jan, falls down the stairs and kills the baby, and then she runs out of hospital when not meant to, and threatens to jump of the cliff.
But whilst this happens, Dougal and his nan are in Edinburough, as his nan’s wish, and she dies in the hotel room in her sleep.
When Dougie arrives back home, he realises that Jan’s gone, and their neighbour, Rosie, informs him that his wife has had a fall, and when he rushes to hospital he finds out that Jan has ran away from hospital, and his baby was dead. But the worst news was that the baby was a boy.
Dougal knows, from their 20 years together, that Jan always goes to Bulpoint Cliff when depressed, and jumps into his car to rush and get her and finds himself speeding at 50mph down a narrow country road.
Unlucky for him, there is a tractor coming in the opposite direction, and when the two meat at a tight corner, the worst comes out. The tractor stops emedietly, but when Dougal tries to swerve to miss it, he goes through a stone wall, and into the river…

The story will be in two halves, Dougal’s story and Jan’s story.

Any idea's would be apreiciated!
Exuse spellings!

The genre is Drama, tragety...

Answer 1

It could quite possibly be the 2nd best story ever told (losing out only to the bible of course, no one can top that as a work of unfeasible fiction). i literally can't wait to read what happens, so, in the mean time may i humbly offer my hopes for the next section in the form of brief synopsis... ahem.....

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As a result of the crash, doug ends up enmeshed with the tractor and his car and becomes some kind of horrific car/tractor/human amalgam in a cronenberg esq. style (you may want to get a rough draft to him sharpish so he can have first dibs on the film rights). as this new conglomeration he takes shelter from the storm (that is by now i hope raging) under the upturned roots of an old fallen tree. here he contemplates the tragic events that have lead to his hideous new form and, feeling enraged at what he percieves as the utter injustice of these cataclysmic occurrances - automobiles of course being known for their inability to rationalise situations and as he is now over 80% transport vehicle he has pretty much surrendered his human cognitive facilities to the raging horsepowers of angst and existential dread that almost all engine driven vehicles posses (we find this hitherto unknown fact out now that our protagonist has become this strange tangle) - he embarks on a rampage accross the countryside, his chrome/flesh super body tearing up the land and roads, smashing cars, trucks, coaches of old aged pensioners on day trips (its now night but they are coming back from the day trip) one of whom is marge (nan) - the beautiful irony. he sends motorcyclists careering from the highways, its carnage (pun intended - in fact that could be one of the strap lines, be sure to highlight in some way, bold or italics works, the CAR part of carnage so no one misses its cleverness) all hell is breaking loose. the police are sent in, doug, or CARMAN - as the news reports are dubbing him - soon dispatches the old boys in blue, dashing there helmeted heads against the tarmac, then comes the army, carman puts up a strong fight but with their fire power and sheer number he is 'driven' back up the highway. this intense battle goes on for some time, carman backing off through the spectacular devastation he has caused, until, finally he is forced into a clearing, the road becomes dirt and we see he has been backed into some kind of precipice. suddenly we realise with a giddy horror/delight that this is Bulpoint Cliff, and yes, there on the very edge of the verge, is jan - still poised to jump, but also slightly alarmed and intrigued by the events unfolding behind her. they see each other. obviously, at first she doesnt recognise him in his new form, but he instantly clocks her and, maybe via a series of flash backs to when their relationship was really dead good, his rage subsides, or rather melts in gushing torrents like volcanic lava flow cooling into that grey version (which is still very hot but not quite so dangerous and volatile - you see the analogy) suddenly jan catches a glimps of something humanoid in the mass of chrome, tyre and real leather upholstry (cos by this time the car part of him has taken over even more as his anger has grown - you can write this fact in more smoothly when you do the final version) she sees a glint in his headlight/eye, could this foul abomination be 'indicating' to her in some way? 'signalling' to her? carman (now becoming a little bit more doug again) lets out a cry of anguish and heartfelt longing which is somewhere between a car alarm and an animal wail. jan finally twigs what has happened and tries to run towards her poor tortured lover, when her foot slips, having been standing precariously close to the edge whilst contemplating her suicide bid. she falls from the cliff, managing only to cling on with her fingers to the very edge. carman/doug runs/drives quickly over to her (about 60mph) but as he reaches the edge he realises he no longer has any of the very useful apendages he took for granted as a human. he offers out a windscreen wiper, but it wont reach, he extends his radio arial but again, no good, he just doesnt have to manouverability he once had (although his handling around corners is admittedly vastly improved). jans fingers are losing their grip. he has to do something. suddenly, punching out of the smooth metal exterior of his car like body, comes his arm (his human arm, as cars do not have arms - this is integral to the story so make sure its clear, some kind of descriptive device early on after the crash should do it) he grabs jans hand, and, with the help of his extra grip tyres he pulls her to safety.

every one is delighted, its on all the news channels. the army decide that under the circumstances he should be let off as he was understandably quite miffed. he and jan embrace for ages and ages - he is becoming ever more human again, through their love, bits of car parts are dropping off all over, revealing his human state once more. finally he and jan pledge to never have rows ever again - he apologises for having killed nan, but jans not too bothered, saying she was thinking of putting her into a home anyway as she was becoming a bit of a nuissance. finally he and jan set off walking home, still leaving a trail of his now extraneous car parts behind him as he goes.

epilogue.

on returning home jan finds over the course of the subsequent weeks that doug still has a few car related ticks - he drinks engine oil, smells a bit of dogs and fish and chips, collects old travel sweet wrappers in his dashboard/chest, and generally is still quite at odds after his whole experience. jan we find is a good woman, and she is willing to accept all of this, giving him a good soapy wash of a sunday, letting him sleep in the garage etc. however over time, she comes to the realisation that sadly, at the end of the day, doug is a bit of a sap, and, over come with guilt and sadness at the wholly incredible events, she heads back to bulpoint cliffs and, without hesitating this time, leaps to her death.

doug, after months of neglect due to jans death, goes a bit rusty and, finally, he fails his MOT and is pounded into scrap.

the end
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what can i say - you inspired me. keep up the good work

Answer 2

Hey Doo,

That's the story of my life. just kidding.

It sounds interesting, obviously you have a lot of liberty to fill in the spaces. Sounds like a TV Series to me.

Answer 3

What genre are you writing this in? I like the story line. Everybody likes a good drama/tradgey.

Answer 4

Good grief, I feel all over tired now, I think I'll have a lie down for a while.

Answer 5

Sounds like melodrama to me. Maybe Eastenders might be interested?

Answer 6

all together its a very good story. its quite complicated though.