Stuck and Confused?

Question

I feel stuck in my current relationship I have been with this guy for a long time now. It's not that I dont have love for him, I do. It's just I know I wont be happy spending the rest of my life with him. He cheated on me twice (been together 7 1/2 years) he lies all the time even about little things that dont matter. Problem is we have a child together and our child is disabled, he is good w/ our son however we are in our 20's (he still wants to party alot) and I know he is not going to take a big part in his life if I leave. But then what? I worry about finding someone else to spend my life with that would accept my child it might sound silly to others not in my situation but actually think what you would do. I am not financially able to take care of him by myself either. I was 16 when I had my child his father was 20, I am only 22 now and between his 4 therapy app. a week and different dotors app. all the time It is hard to work at a decent job. Any advise?

Answer 1

You are in an awful spot. But not impossible. Perhaps you can stick it out a few more years until your child is a bit older. In the meantime, maybe start taking classes, learn a skill, care for your son and when you are finished with school, be finished with that cheating liar you are with. Use him for a few years for security while you get yourself together. You are still very young. You can afford to sacrifice a couple years of happness to ENSURE future happiness.

And yes, the right man WILL come along and WILL accept your child, disabilities and all.

Good luck to you!!! Believe in yourself!

Answer 2

You are definitely in a difficult position. However, the father of your child is responsible for helping you with his care. Apparently he is not mature enough to even be honest with you so I would think about starting your own life. It will be difficult at first because it is hard to find someone when you have a child, esp. a special needs but they are out there. Find a man who can respect you for the person you are and treat you right and communicate with you honestly. Your husband will have to either grow up or pay up.

Answer 3

I'd sit the boyfriend down and tell him how it's gotta be. if you don't do it now, you'll spend the rest of your life wondering how life would be if only.... he doesn't have a choice but to help take care of his son. I do know what you mean about wondering if you can make it on your own. Neither of my chiildren are handicapped and I wondered how other men would accept them when their Dad and I divorced... it actually all turned out ok. So keep your chin up and just try to figure out what to do first. If the bf really loves you, he needs to stop his lying... Good Luck and God Bless.

Answer 4

Perhaps you need to think about yourself and your child. It seems like you are awfully young and maybe you need to ask yourself what you want from life. You both sound a little immature and until you learn, life will continue to throw curved balls your way. Seek counselling and do what is right. Life is all about choice. You can choose to do the right thing or the wrong thing. Just remember that a child needs both parents to survive.
You both need help from someone who can guide you and lead you through your traumatic existence. Seek God while he may be found! He cares about you and your hubby and your baby. HE wants the very best for you. Find him and grow with him - its worth it!

Answer 5

I admire your ability to stick through this. This is very hard on one person. You should sit down and talk to your man about all of this. Confront him on his cheating, and explain that you don't agree with how he is treating your relationship with him. Make your thoughts known and he may come around and grow up a little. He has a big responsibility with his son. Encourage him to be the greatest dad in the world to his son, and he will begin to realize the impact he is having on people other than himself. If none of this helps him come around, you really should consider moving on.

Answer 6

This is a good lesson for those of you who say you're "in love" in your 15th year on earth and foolishly have children the following year. Notice how the male in this relationship still refuses to accept the responsibilites of parenting and securing a good and prosperous job that brings in decent money to support his wife and their unfortunate child who is afflicted with a disability.
Please make note how the female of this relationship has now reached a stage that has left the "peaches and cream" portion of the relationship far, far behind where it is only a vauge and distant memory. Now trapped with a spouse who refuses to be responsibile. lets face it...anyone can be nice to their child and still be a slouch in every other respect. Observe how he has committed 2 seperate acts of infedility and is blatantly untruthful to his child-bride in even the most mundane matters.

My dear, life is always full of disappointments. I have no doubt in my mind that your marrying this fool was contested many times by family members and perhaps friends. However you have fallen into the trap that most young people fall into...ignoring the advice of your parents or elders by putting blind faith in the fact that you'll love one another forever. Take a look around here. See how many others like you are all drowning as well. Sweetheart...you're stuck. Period. Your life at this point has come to a grinding halt and your days and nights are dedicated to helping your poor child and no doubt domestic duties to the Prince Charming of your dreams who obviously still is off screwing around on you...probably even as I write this.

What can anyone tell you? Leave him? Sure...easier said than done right? No job...no place to go....a child with special needs. This is the result of the marriage of children. Life is tough. You're just going to have to see how tough you can be to make things work. You've placed yourself in a difficult if not near impossible situation to correct. Oh...it is fixable. But it will take years to get this back on track. I can tell you this....you'll make no headway whatsoever as long as you keep "Party Boy" part of your life. Think that he'll really care if you leave? Nope...I'm telling you right now he won't. Know what he'll get all bent out of shape about? The kid. Yeah...because it's a male point of pride. The old "He's my son" sh*it..like all simple-minded males do. Then...just as you have said...when the boy becomes a burden...when he is too hung over to take him to his doctor's appointments, he'll let it go. But he'll still fu*ck with you. Again..want to know why? Because you left him...not the other way around. Again it's simple-minded neanderthal pride.
You have a tough and long, long road ahead of you. Hope that you make it. If anything for the sake of the kid. If you do get out of this...you'll look back on it in your 30's and realize just how much of a mistake you made. I only hope that the rest of your life is wasted as your young years are.

The best of luck to you.

Answer 7

yes. leave. you deserve better than this. child support. file for child support!!!! get a part-time job to supplement your income. the less time he spends with your son, the more support you are entitled to. if he wants to party, let him. he can do that without wasting YOUR time. and yes, you will find someone who will treat you way better. having a disabled child does not make you undatable.

Answer 8

You use the term "stuck"...people are never stuck into something, they choose to remain where they are at. Everyone has free will and, while the fears that you listed my make you stay, you should really exercise that free will and get out of that relationship. I believe that it would be the best thing for you and your child.

Answer 9

You are in a classic situation, and it is that you are scared to go out on your own. Believe in yourself, and others and you will do just fine. There are people that care and will help. Be brave, and take the first step, the second will come. You can do this.

Answer 10

Get out, be firm in what you want and if he loves you two that much he will quit and come back. NEVER stay for the sake of a child it only hurts in the long run.