Is it never a good idea to give legal custody to your spouse in a divorce?

Question

I did, and now I'm thinking I should have listened to the little voice in my head. Is it too late to change my mind? I signed the papers, but they have not come back from the judge's review. I have no lawyer, my husband does, and he talked me out of getting one to save money. He is military and I am the dependent spouse.

I gave him legal and physical custody so that our kids can continue to go to the school and be with their friends and not have to move. My purpose was to not upset their routines and lives any more than I had to, so I gave him physical custody.

But now I'm being told there is never a reason to give up legal custody.

Our children are 17 and 14.

Umm, ok...I want to make clear that I am OK with giving him physical custody; it's better for the children for the above reasons I've already stated. He is a good father, they are settled in their lives here, and it would be impossible for me to afford living here in Hawaii and supporting the three of us.

IT'S THE LEGAL CUSTODY I AM CONCERNED ABOUT.

Answer 1

You may want to file an amendment making it joint custody. You can have joint custody, but still leave the children in the physical custody of their father. But by giving up LEGAL custody (which you did if you gave him custody and only took visitation rights) then you have no say in any decision that may come up.
Example: Kid goes into hospital. Doctor recommends a controversial treatment. You are against it. Dad is for it. Dad has legal custody, so you have no say in how your child is treated. The Doctor will follow the instruction of the legal parent.
And this is just the tip of the iceberg. Really, there is no reason to give up LEGAL custody unless you plan to have no say in your kids' lives, which doesn't appear to be the case. You sound like you were thinking of doing the right thing, but you would up sort of shooting yourself in the foot in the meantime.
Hopefully your ex will voluntarily agree to an amendment of the custody agmt. If not, get a lawyer or go to social services for legal support that is low-cost to free for help.

Answer 2

I would be contacting a lawyer ASAP. Why would you take the advice of a man that you are divorcing. he's looking out for his interests, and his interest alone. You need someone to look out for you. The fact that he has an attorney should have been a clue to you.
You could file for shared parenting, joint custody (it's called different things in different areas), but give him physical custody. That way, you still have access and rights as far as medical care and school, but they wouldn't have to move.

The legal custody part is totally dependent upon how you feel about it. As long as you have visitation guidelines in place that you are satisfied with, and you trust his judgment as far as medical and school issues, then leave it as it is. If you want a say in those things then you need to have joint custody/shared parenting. If he has legal custody he gets to make all the decisions and you get to make none. It all depends on how you feel about it.
One thing to consider is that your oldest will be considered an adult in a year and your youngest in four years. It's not like they are small children. I'm sure him having legal custody isn't a bad thing. It's only for a few years and then they are able to make their own decisions anyway.

Answer 3

Get a lawyer, now!
You can find lots of them that will help you for very little or for free.
Contact the court asap and tell them that you felt like you weren't given any choice, but to sign. Ask them what you need to do to stop them from going through so that you can get help. Ask them if there are any agencies in your area that can help you.

If you wait, it will only delay things and make it more difficult to keep your rights.

If you felt at all threatened into signing over your rights, contact his base. Ask to speak to someone in the legal department and tell them your story. They may be able to help you figure this out and make sure he does what is right.

Just saw your update...
In that case, get a lawyer. You did not have to sign over custody. You should have joint custody with him being the primary residence and you having ample, court appointed visitation. Beware! If he has physically custody the majority of the time, he can sue you for child support.

Answer 4

ok well first you do have to do what is in the best intrest of the child, i my self have been there. you do have 30 days to an appeal, if you can afford one, and think the kids would be better taken care of and happier with you, but it would be kind of hard to prove you are the best fit parent with no income but it can be done. and if you believe your kids will be happier with there father so they can go to school and be with there friends and you feel they will be better taken care of financially there is nothing to feel bad or guilty about, yes you will miss your kids and yes they will miss you you are a big part in there lives , but you will still have the closeness with your kids you can see them every other weekend and 1 day out of the week, and you get them for most of the school breaks and holidays. and you can call and talk to your kids any time you want. it will be hard to get use to. i signed my oldest which was 6 at the time over to his dad. his dad and i didnt get along very well and his dad always acted like he had something over me, every time i would take my son to the dr or anything he would gripe and pretty much tell me i was an unfit parent and i too was a stay at home mom at the time i did it to give my self the space a way from his dad that i needed. now my brother goes and gets my son on my visitation days, at first i cried alot and was very upset feeling like i gave my baby away. but after a while i seen how good my son had adjusted and everything i felt better, and i feel better having my peice of mind, and to be honest now me and my son have a better relationship now than we ever had. when him and hid dad argue lol usually over home work and stuff im the one he calls for advice. and i he knows even tho i dont see him every day i still love him and am here for him no matter what. but i would ask your ex to not make you pay child support. or at least not at first any ways. i was a stay at home mom and never worked at all i had no job experiance or anything and it took me a long time to find a good stable job. or what you could do if you can get a lawyer is give the kids father full custody temperarily untill you get on your feet and is stable money wise to take care of your kids. but i would get a lawyer before your 30 days to appeal is up. if you change your mind. and alot of people will propbly be like you shouldnt of done that or what ever but it dont matter what they say or how they feel about it cause you are doing what you feel is best for you and your kids and theres nothing at all wronge with that

Answer 5

Having a baby with a quickly to be ex husband isn't an outstanding theory. immediately she has the threat to make a sparkling destroy. Having a baby ought to advise a a lot longer courtroom conflict, and particular extra battles interior the destiny over custody, visitation, baby help, and so on. If she must be a mom, she will be able to make the alternative to be a unmarried mom through adopting, or utilising a sperm donor. she will be able to be a unmarried mom besides in the adventure that they divorce, and if she adopts or makes use of a sperm donor she will be able to be a unmarried be certain without the stresses of a bitter abusive ex.

Answer 6

Yeah it isn't good to give your child up, at least get joint custody. I'll tell you why I have a friend that did that and she is so sorry, he want let her see her daughter and if she does he will call her up and tell her a child need spinach, broccoli, carrotts, all these vegetables and that the little cried all night with a tummy ache couldn't go to school the next day. I was with her she cooked that a baby a real healthy dinner each night and breakfast. She just had her that weekend and we did take her to the zoo and we did eat somes hamburgers for lunch that oneday. She ask her little girl the next visit she got her was she sick from what she ate, She said no, i just got sick because I wanted to stay with you and made me sick from crying.

Answer 7

If you're an alcoholic or drug abuser, yes, give your husband custody of the children. If not, get your own attorney. It may not be too late, but get a good one who is experienced in divorce and custody matters in the area in which the divorce is filed.

Answer 8

Is this something you can talk over with your husband? Do you want shared custody or full custody to get support payments, or have you and he worked out a living arrangement with the kids? I think it depends on your goal, and the relationship you have with your husband.

Answer 9

I just got divorced after a tortured 14 year marriage and have 3 young boys. I would NEVER EVER EVER voluntarily sign over custody of them. You were coersed and should fight for them under that statute. Don't ever stop fighting for them and good luck getting them back.

Answer 10

get a lawyer fast. tell the judge when you go to court that you didn't understand what you were doing and that you love you children and would never want to lose them.