2006-11-30 06:51:21 · 16 answers · asked by thetruth 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
maybe he is not the one for you
2006-11-30 06:54:01 · answer #1 · answered by Ellyn 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Begin by putting yourself in his shoes - that is, as if you were the one who's been so badly hurt. What would you want from anyone who's showing some interest in you? First, understanding, empathy, listening ears. .. So get him to tell his story and get to know what and why he's so badly hurt. That way you'd know what he values most. Next ask yourself, if you can love him unconditionally - that is, despite himself, his likes and dislikes, his strengths and his weaknesses.
Do not rush your relationship. If you love and care for him as he is, by simply being there, even when you don't have much to say or to give,him, sooner or later he will become re-assured. He'll soon see that you are a different person, to his divorced wife. His trust and confidence will be renewed and he'll return your unconditional love. His response and reactions to you and your own likes, dislikes etc, will tell you whether he's someone you'd want to share your life with, till death does its parting. Marriage is not a trial and error, isn't it? So give time to and for each other to discover yourselves and prepare for a good and lasting marriage.
Once again, don't rush him, just be patient and hope his wounds would soon heal. When that happens your story, music and dance will change to his favour, and perhaps your marriage date with him would then have also been fixed. Best luck.
2006-11-30 15:32:35 · answer #2 · answered by dalydaly 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just continue to love him and (work on the relationship if that's what you want) over time he'll see that you really do care and have no desire to hurt him. It will take a lot of patience though. My husband was the same way, it took him two years to realize how much I cared and for him to let his feelings show and another year to say I love you, but it was well worth the wait. We've been together for almost 20 years now and he is the most attentive and caring man I have ever known. Good Luck
2006-11-30 14:57:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It takes a couple of years to recover from a divorce, and some people never fully recover. Give him time, or if he has been divorced for over two years, find someone else, someone who is comfortable with entering a long term relationship.
2006-11-30 14:56:51 · answer #4 · answered by AnnieD 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok I feel really strongly about this. It is
NOT YOUR JOB
to fix what problems he has. People should go into new relationships mostly if not completley cured of their last one. If he has leftover baggage it is strictly his problem and not yours. You can only do so much. You can reassure him til the cows come home but he needs to work through his own issues and not lay them at your feet!!!!!!!!!! You have needs and doubts of your own. Who is reassuring you of your needs and issues? Is he?
Put your foot down in a nice way and do not cater to his insecurity about this or else he will play this trust card over and over again, until you screw up ever so slightly and he throws it in your face. Proceed with MUCH caution.
2006-11-30 15:05:24 · answer #5 · answered by Ade 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is newly divorced, you need to give him lots of time to heal from it. Simply telling him that you love him and that you're "for real" isn't going to cut it. You have to keep showing him over and over again until he becomes convinced that you truly mean what you say.
2006-11-30 14:58:39 · answer #6 · answered by jdhs 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love is not conditional, you love someone because you do, and take the good with the bad. If he has been hurt then trust will come slowly, let it develop on it's own time, be patient.
2006-11-30 14:57:55 · answer #7 · answered by Jim C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will be easier for you to love him than for him to respond to your love. Time is a good healer but it will take more than that in most cases. He will need to restart his life to move on and change his perspective. A long holiday perhaps alone or with someone who loves him may help.
2006-11-30 14:57:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am currentely in the same situation, but I love him anyway. You just need to keep reassuring him that you do love him and that you are there for him no matter what he needs. Good luck !
2006-11-30 15:01:03 · answer #9 · answered by tinytinkbell 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
patiently and faithfully. All you can do is show him day in and day out that you aren't going anywhere, that you are serious and that you love him no matter what. When he is healed...he will return everything 10 fold. good luck!
2006-11-30 14:59:21 · answer #10 · answered by babe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You guys need counciling.Its important to remember that he's broken but you can't fix him. He has to fix himself. Its up to him to change his feelings, and he's probably not ready to move on yet, and trust me you don't want to bring his baggage from the last relationship into you new one.
2006-11-30 18:10:31 · answer #11 · answered by Gia V 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋