My fiance' and I got engaged about a year ago and we just started planning for our wedding 2 weeks ago. He told me last night that he is scared of not being a good husband and a good father and kind of scared of the phrase "being with the same person for the rest of your life." I talked to him alittle bit about it but i just don't understand and i don't think he is telling me everything....we have been together for almost 4 years and were going to get married next year....i've been married once before and he hasn't and i also told him that i am scared as well but alot of people go through it....it's a big step.....is it normal for guys to go through this and should i be worried that he might have someone else in mind other than myself?
2006-11-30 06:41:04 · 17 answers · asked by lorpee1 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
listen to him. he might know something that you don't know. if he doesn't think he'll be good father and husband maybe you should move on. better to move on now than to get a divorce later. i wouldn't want to be with a man that has so much doubt.
2006-11-30 06:46:16 · answer #1 · answered by Inez 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is probably quite normal. My husband had gone through this whole phase of "wanting to make sure it's a good decision" before we decided to marry. I, too, couldn't quite relate to it - I knew it was a "good decision" within a few months we started dating, before we moved in together. I thought - why in the world would I move in with someone if I wasn't quite sure if it was a "good decision" and I was staying with this person for good? But it wasn't until after a year of living together that we finally committed to getting married.
Marriage IS a big decision; some people have more trouble making decisions than others; it all depends on a person. Sometimes people can't come to terms with the fact that there are no guarantees, and that committment and companionship always come with a certain amount of risk. They sense the risk, but interpret is not as a naturally arising phenomenon but instead as a sign that they're "not ready". As soon as you separate out the risk, and accept that it is present in everything you do, it gets easier to make decisions without second-guessing too much.
2006-11-30 14:54:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try not to read so much into what he's saying. It is natural to be scared. We all fear the unknown. The fact that your first marriage failed is going to add to that a little. As for the being with the same person the rest of your life, that can be scary. You're trusting one person to care for all your sexual needs. What if they don't? Sure, they intend to, but they say the road to Hell is paved with good intentions. It's a scary thought.
2006-11-30 15:19:52 · answer #3 · answered by Sean J 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that he may need some more time.you never want to marry someone that is not ready you are only setting your self up for problems in the future. Don't ignore the signs, my cousin just got a divorce after 2 months he said he wasnt ready. Be careful and don't rush. Just re assure him that you love him if you get married now or in ten years from now. don't push him
2006-11-30 14:47:29 · answer #4 · answered by Jan l 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We all get scared to be married at first.However if we are financiakky prepared to get into it there will be no problem. At least it helps. I think you are both physically and emotionally prepared because of your 4 years relationship.. How old is he ? Maybe he has inferiority complex with you. Do you make more money than him ? There must be a reason. Talk it out with him.
2006-11-30 14:53:19 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My first question is: How old is he? If he is too young, then maybe he is afraid of committing to one woman. Forever is a long time...even longer if you are not content. Other than that, yes, I think everyone has second thoughts about if it is going to work or not. It seems a little too soon to panic in your case since you aren't getting married for awhile. Good luck.
2006-11-30 14:46:17 · answer #6 · answered by Bev 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is hiding the truth inside and he may not know exactly what it is. Something is wrong and he is giving you the oppurtunity to postpone the wedding (internally he may want you to). If the truth does not come out that would put this thing to rest, then do not marry yet, because his heart is troubled.
2006-11-30 18:05:24 · answer #7 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Normal cold feet. It's normal for a man to be scared to be married. Im sure it will go away after the marriage.
2006-11-30 14:54:23 · answer #8 · answered by missgigglebunny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was very nervous before my first marriage and it turned out to be a huge mistake. I wasnt the least bit nervous before my second marriage and 12 years later we are still happily married. You may not want to hear this but in my opinion he may not be the one for you or you may not be the one for him.
2006-11-30 14:44:25 · answer #9 · answered by Allinwiththenuts 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is natural for him to be nervous about making such a huge commitment. Get some pre-marriage counseling and keep theh lines of communication open!
2006-11-30 14:53:52 · answer #10 · answered by AnnieD 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋