me and my girlfriend was together for 3 years and 9 months. we broke up 3 months ago. her dad died 2 weeks later. I broke up with her because she told me I didnt matter. I didnt know she meant I didnt matter when shes trying to spend time with her parents. shes 19 years old, Im 23 years old. through out the relationship it was hard for us to see each other because her parents were so strict that we had to sneak to see each other and only was able to talk on the phone 2 days a week. so the anger we got from that would be thrown at each other. but once we realized it we became a better relationship. she says we will never get back together because she felt I wasnt there for her in that stressful time of her dad. I've always been there for her through everything. im her first everything, boyfriend, virginity you name it except for a crush before me. she has a grudge against me, possibly dont like me as a person. my friends say she will come back but i dont know. do you think she will?
2006-11-30 06:12:08 · 11 answers · asked by wilbur 62 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I really don’t know… logically: if she didn’t tell you what was going on with her family you couldn’t have known that you should have been a little extra understanding.
In her mind: you should have known exactly what was going on and been there for her and not given her crap about any of it and just take it.
I understand both view points since I’m not in it…she is and was upset about her dad and now she ties you up in all of the sadness too. In a time where she needed you the most you weren’t there (not blaming you or saying you’re blameless) . I’m sure she’s still really upset and heartbroken about losing her father, so try now (if you are still on speaking terms) to put the focus on being her friend and not asking when/if the two of you will get back together. I’m sure that if it’s really love and meant to be she will slowly start to see the logical stand on this and remember that though you weren’t there for her then you are trying now to be there (I personally think it will count for a lot)
Listen to your friends…give her some relationship space but let her know you are there as her friend if she ever needs a shoulder. I think you guys will work this out with time.
Good Luck =)
2006-11-30 06:36:21 · answer #1 · answered by anya_8884 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It hasn't even been a year since her dad died. Don't expect rational thinking out of her. Remember that anger is a part of the grief process, and it's really hard to be angry at the person who died, so she needs to find something else to be angry at. Congratulations; you're the lucky target! And while her reason for being angry at you is rather twisted, it's true enough that it will sustain her.
The easy way out would be to cut your losses and move on, but I'm not sure that's the right thing to do. So what you really need to do is keep reminding yourself that it wasn't your fault, and odds are she'll see that eventually. Make sure she knows how to reach you if she needs to, and then just let it go for a while. Maybe call her once a month or so if she never calls you - just to check in on her. And if she does call you, try as hard as you can to not be angry for all that's happened so far. In the wrong place and time, she might misconstrue that as *you* rejecting *her*.
2006-11-30 14:32:36 · answer #2 · answered by Katie S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One thing that I don’t understand is that she has a grudge against you. I don’t see why considering she ended it and you were there for her through alot of stuff! And are you trying to talk to her and she's blowing you off? If that is the fact, let her be. there's obviously something there that she needs to work out. And from what you have said, you sound like a great guy and she will eventually see what she gave up. That’s when it is up to you to consider taking her back. But right now, with her dad's death and everything, I think she needs a friend to help her through more than anything. I wouldn’t bring this up right now, just not good timing! Good luck.
2006-11-30 14:18:33 · answer #3 · answered by Little Southern Belle 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, she's probably really emotionally raw right now and may not be thinking rationally. It doesn't really matter right now if you don't think you did anything wrong--right now, that's her perception, and she's too emotionally overwrought right now to think clearly if that IS the case. You just have to take her wordl for it.
Once you take her word for it, maybe you could write her a letter apologizing for all the ways she feels you may have failed her. Tell her that even if she doesn't want to be romantically involved with you anymore, you would like the chance to be her friend and support her in this difficult time, perhaps improving through friendship on the ways you may have fallen short as a lover. That is, if you can completely put aside your own desires, and if you are willing to be her friend even if she never wants to be romantic with you again. It may turn out that way.
But it may not. If the two of you can get your friendship back, maybe in time, she will realize that you aren't a rotten guy, that you were there for her and she just didn't realize it because of her own emotional distraction, and that the two of you shared too much to just throw it away.
Good luck.
2006-11-30 14:25:36 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
give her time. understand that she needs time to heal from you and the death of her dad. all is not lost. try to be there for her as a friend and without pressure. pressure will keep her away. talk to her as much as possible but not about the relationship. try to keep her busy. she still loves you but she's grieving for an important reationship that was lost and her father's death. if you need to apolozige then do so, she's in lot of pain and probably feels deserted by you. but that's ok, it's normal. if you want her back then take it easy. you're her first, so you arent forgotten but this is about her and her needs. talk and be calm and don't let emotions get to you. i know it's hard but i've been there. always communicate with her and let her know she's not alone and you'll always be there for her. what she needs is a friend in you before you can go back to being lovers. she'll let you know when she's ready to forgive and go on. i promise it will work ouy. i wish you all the luck in the world.
2006-11-30 14:23:36 · answer #5 · answered by NoDeal21 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be her friend and I think that more than anything that's what she needs right now. Her dad is gone but her mom is still there and somehow maybe her mom and your parents will eventually except your feelings you have towards one another. Take it slow and good luck..
2006-11-30 14:29:40 · answer #6 · answered by mudda 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
bro she will definitely come back to you since you are her first everything, you took her virginity so she will be back 100% dont even stress it out just wait and she will come to you
2006-11-30 14:16:10 · answer #7 · answered by mr a 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know, just don't stress out about it. Get her some nice flowers with a sympathy card and your feelings. Give her time, and if she keeps brushing you off, just leave it with...well whenever you need anything, please let me know. That's all you can do really.
2006-11-30 14:15:31 · answer #8 · answered by GirlUdontKnow 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dont wait for her to come back....go to her or send her a good "Sorry" card and expalin you care about her..and then see what she says.....
2006-11-30 14:30:37 · answer #9 · answered by shahzebb 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She sounds like a player. Stay away. I know she was going through problems, but she threw you out dude. Move on.
2006-11-30 14:15:01 · answer #10 · answered by J~Me 5 · 0⤊ 3⤋