after 6 months she told her husband about me and for the following 18 months we have been together off and on,she keeps telling me she wants to be alone and we dont see each other for a while and then it seems she falls in love with me again and its all back on!when we see each other its fantastic we enjoy each other so much,but the problem is her husband, he lies uses her family and sends her on guilt trips over the kids he also visits her every night and is very good at making her believe she wants her old life back basically he dont leave her alone. She says she dont want to live with him, go anywhere with him and most certainly doesnt want to sleep with him and loves him like a brother and as the father of her kids.i know she loves me and when we are together it seems so right she says the same.Currently she feels as if she knows what she wants but he and her family are dragging her back. she isnt a lier and i know she loves me but she is finding it hard to move on can anyone help
2006-11-30 05:52:43 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My advice to you is ,I would just leave her alone for a while even though you love her and belive her give her time to just be without you, Then she will see what she wants and if its truly you you'll know, it might be hard to leave her alone but just tell her you dont want to be like everyone else, tell her you love and care about her and you want happiness in her life, and you dont want to be a part of stressing her out or dragging her down, Tell her you want her to have some time to herself and that you will be there for her when she is ready, and try very hard to stay away for a little while no matter what!! TRUST ME!!! THIS WILL WORK!! if she really knows what she wants and isnt just playing back and forth this will work for you, you cant keep being the one she runs to and get you no gaurantee in all of this its right for your heart. Best Wishes & Good Luck
2006-11-30 06:08:11 · answer #1 · answered by chase 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If anything she should be worried about her children, Making sure that her children will be fine in the long run. If she truly doesnt love her husband and does love you then shes just killing herself and her family by putting up with a man that she doesnt love. Are you ready to take her in as your partner WITH children because you do have to remember that she isnt a single woman she carries with two dependants of her own. Maybe thats why she is finding it hard to leave her husband and the home that she raised her children in. She needs to really make a decision on what she really wants and go for it full force.
2006-11-30 06:04:57 · answer #2 · answered by Thelma P 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She is in a difficult position. I am sure having children with someone and building a life together is a bond that is hard to break. She is probably torn between her old, comfortable self and the new, more exciting self, that you helped to bring out in her.
I think you have been patient and if her ex is pushy and trying to get her back, you need to start to make your feelings known to her as well. She needs to know how you feel and that you want a future with her. Tell her your feelings are being hurt and you feel she is stringing you along. You need to fight for her. It will show her you truly love her. Sometimes being too sensitive and thinking, she needs space, can also be interpreted by a woman as, he doesn't really, passionately want me.
Good luck.
2006-11-30 06:07:54 · answer #3 · answered by Lilly 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This woman is as confused as hell and is being pulled and tore apart from ever direction. I know you love her and what I am going to say will be very hard for you but it is the only way you may get her for good if that is what you want.
LET HER GO leave her alone do not contact by text or phone walk away and try to get on with your life tell her you cant live like this anymore and one of two things will hapen.
One: You may never hear from her again and if that happens you will know where you really stood her loss I am afraid not yours.
Two: It will make her see what she has lost and what she wants back and what she must do to get it back and that is be committed to you and your relationship and not listen to others.
This will be the hardest thing in the world for you to do and I am not being heartless it is just you are in so much worry.hurt and upset at the moment you do not know if you are coming and going and she I am afraid is messing with you head. If she truly wanted the relationship she would be there all the time for you. She knows she has a good man in you far better than her husband so why is she going back and listening to everyone?
There are children involved I grant you but this is doing them no good you can have a proper relationship which will involve dad as he is there dad but why is she not making this choice.
Tell her you love her and want to be with her but not under theses conditions, you are not telling her to keep away from her husband you know he will always be part of her childrens lives and you accept that but you cant have your emotions messed with any longer and she has to stop listening to others. Tell her YOU NEED YOUR SPACE and you stick to it she will only do one or two things and you will then know where you stand.
Good luck and you can have a proper relationship with the father of her children around as I have. She sounds very confused to me as to what she wants so by walking away you are giving her and yourself the chance to really think.Time to lay your cards right on the table and tell her what you feel and give her space to think if she loves you she will do the right things.
2006-11-30 06:18:42 · answer #4 · answered by momof3 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Hi there I think you need to give this woman the time and space she needs to find herself again ,far easier said than done but I reckon you should make it clear to her how much you love and care for her and you will be there for her when/if she is ready for a relationship ............then get on with your own life take up your career ,hobbys sports whatever you fancy and watch to see what happens..........it seems that maybe at the moment everyone is confused ..........and yep maybe she will return to hubby ,then again she may be happier alone .But at least you will know if she wants you and comes back to you with a clear mind that things will be more real .
Best of luck
2006-11-30 06:08:00 · answer #5 · answered by pussin boots 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No one should have to be in a relationship, married or not if they don't want to be. She has separated from her husband right?
She probably feels like she needs to have space to grieve for the failed marriage, as even if she doesn't love him in that way anymore, its still sad when something ends.
She needs to work out whats going on in her life. In the mean time, you need to re-assure her that you still really like her, but tell her that you will leave the ball in her court. Keep your distance, so that you avoid being another confusion and burden on her life.
2006-11-30 06:06:57 · answer #6 · answered by As You Like It 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She's married - you knew this from the get go. Leave her alone. If she was so miserable she would have left him a long time ago. You should know that married people will most often never leave their spouses/families for their affair. She sounds like she doesn't know what she wants, but it's pretty clear she has no intent on leaving her hubby.
Bid her a farewell, tell her to get into counseling, and move on with your life.
2006-11-30 05:56:26 · answer #7 · answered by Rawrrrr 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Mark, have you ever known the 'other woman' to end up happily married to the married man? It's unfortunately the same for the 'other man' - you. You've been with her for two years and you haven't even left the starting gate. Are you really prepared to be the step-father to her two children and deal with their anger and resentment (not to mention a lifetime of her family and husband's resentment)? You walked into a 'no parking zone'. She is and remains married. Please, take yourself seriously and MOVE ON. You need a real relationship, not to be fulfilling her needs in her marriage, whatever they may be.
2006-11-30 05:57:19 · answer #8 · answered by swarr2001 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like what you are experiencing is the fact that all women are not monogamous. Some enjoy having multiple partners. It sounds like this woman is in that category. Society frowns on this behavior and thats why the guilt and shame feelings enter in, but ultimately she seems to want to enjoy having both you and her ex around. Either accept that this is how she is or else move on to someone else.
2006-11-30 05:57:23 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Maybe she does love you, but it's not easy to leave your home, financial situation, deal with the kids feelings. It's not something that can happen overnight.I guess there is a chance that she may never leave but if there is a real love connection between you, I wouldn't be suprised if the two of you end up together. it happens all the time.
2006-11-30 06:03:43 · answer #10 · answered by sweetie 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋