I'm not talking sexually, I mean she just won't go to the movies or go grab coffee or anything. She has no problem driving for hours to go have a night out with her friends doing stuff that she says she doesn't like but barely even tries to find a baby sitter for us and that's only if I bug her about it. We've only gone and done something once this year and that was because her mom offered to come watch the kids. I'm not a bad guy and have always been EXTREMELY loving and understanding (when her friends complain about their husbands/boyfriends they say they wish they were more like me) and happy to do things that she wants. She still acts very loving at home but just won't go out with just us.
Its gotten to the point to where I don't have any real desire to do things in the bedroom with her at all because I don't know if she's that's bored with me and/or she's so boring she's unattractive to me and I've gotten to the point I just don't even care anymore.
2006-11-30 05:27:17 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I should also add that I've tried to talk to her about this and how unhappy I am about it with no real results. I tried being even more kind and loving, I tried offering to just do things that I know she would like, I tried getting mad, nothing works. She just can't be hassled to call a baby sitter to come sit watch and watch TV while the kids are asleep. I've tried to find a sitter myself but just don't have the time because I work/study so much (even though I do always make time for her and the kids). The worst part about it is she seems like she really doesn't even care and as a result I'm getting to the point where I don't either.
2006-11-30 05:32:41 · update #1
Does anyone have any ideas on how to get her more interested?
2006-11-30 05:34:22 · update #2
Hey, you STOLE my screen name!
2006-11-30 05:38:41 · answer #1 · answered by BORED AT WORK 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that's really sad. You know sometimes it's really easy to just get overwhelmed and caught up in everyday life and even though your the one we love the most, you get dumped on the most. Maybe you just need to sit her down and have a really serious one on one. You know a good old fashion heart to heart. Maybe even throw a bottle of wine and a cheese plate into the mix over some romatic music. She may be so busy cleaning, caring for the kids, paying bills etc that it's just easier to let things slide with you. I know I am perfectly guilty of that sometimes myself, and I can assure you it's not because I don't love my husband. At least give her a chance to explain and make it up to you. My husband and I have a date night. If you can't do it every week. Then do it every other week or once a month. Make sure you have a sitter set up, and go out for dinner or dancing or to a movie, or just go for a drive. Try something new. Oh, and just a tip, make it a point to help set up the sitter and make the plans yourself sometimes. That takes the pressure off of her. Because when your already busy having to find a sitter is just one more thing you have to do. Whatever, just spend some time together. Good Luck!
2006-11-30 05:36:29 · answer #2 · answered by Shel 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You said that she is acting very loving at home still, now that is a good sign. Right now you've run into a bump in the road and in order to get out of it I would seek the advice a marital counselor, one with a good reputation.
Meanwhile I have a few suggestions:
You went out once this year, never use that as a complaint but use it an up lifting way.
You need to woo her, not to chase her away.
The kids are in bed you come and cuddle next to her on the sofa, pamper her, let her know what a loving mother and wife she is.
You don't need to go out to do those things.
If she's into poetry read her a few poems.
Make after dinner coffee.
What I am saying your special time does not mean that you always have to step-out.
Don't show her that you don't care, never do that. She'll pick up on it and the problem will only get worse.
2006-11-30 05:48:23 · answer #3 · answered by Laela (Layla) 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you are at the point where you want a divorce, but it sounds like you guys are headed that way. A lot of times the grass looks greener on the other side, but it really isn't. Your family and kids are worth any effort you both put into saving your marriage. You guys should get into some marital counseling as soon as possible. Too many family's are ending in divorce and it's so sad for everyone involved especially the kids. Affairs, etc. don't just happen it's a slow process people get into gradually. First being discontent at home and then meeting someone who seems to "understand and appreciate them". Please be careful in letting others know on chat rooms and other females at work, etc. of how you feel. Girls tend to want to mother and comfort others and this is an open door that many affairs begin with. Go get help for you and your wife. It may be uncomfortable, but it will be so worth it. When marriages go through rough spots the outcome can be: both of you get bitter and grow farther apart or the marriage gets better as couples work through their difficulties.
2006-11-30 05:54:03 · answer #4 · answered by numbergirl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I understand you correctly, you want her to set up the date and will generously give her your time to do something you want to do. Is that correct? If so, your problem is your time management. Your wife has a life without you, my friend, and she is showing you that the kids need their father. It's not easy to find a sitter as you have discovered for yourself. Why not surprise her with a wonderful evening in? Have the food delivered (after the kids are in bed). Have candles all over and soft, romantic music playing. Draw a bath and share it with her (by candlelight). Wash her back, give her a massage and be very generous with attention to her. You will be paid back by a very satisfied woman who is more than willing to do things with you WHEN she can find a sitter (or better yet, you do).
2006-11-30 05:45:15 · answer #5 · answered by swarr2001 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you really communicated to her how this makes you feel?
How was your dating experience prior to marriage?
Other than the "refusal to go out on dates" is everything else cool?
What if you took the initiative... by surprising her with a pre-arranged date. You handle everything from start to finish by...taking your child(ren) to your parents house before she has a chance to give excuses or to flat out say no. Then take her to dinner. Discuss the issue and try and establish and set time for going out on a consistent basis. Maybe once a month..... It's very important to communicate how this issue is making you feel. Don't place blame... just express your concern over the situation and your feelings. Ask her to put herself in your shoes. Ask her how she would feel if she were the one who wanted to go out from time to time with you and the response was always the same.... "no, not tonight, not covienent, can't because of the babysitting, etc..etc.
I don't think she would appreciate being treated like that too much.
2006-11-30 05:39:39 · answer #6 · answered by 247 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is bored, marriage isn't fulfilling, has no practical way to
escape, children to think of, and is currently accepting the
situation. Unlikely things will change unless she has change
of heart. Communications again. If possible, really need to
have sitdown, uninterrupted calm discussion on where the
marriage is and what each are feeling. Until that occurs,
nothing will change---except for the worse with more hardened
feelings. Good luck, my friend.
2006-11-30 05:35:33 · answer #7 · answered by Jeepster 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk with her about your feelings, then tell her you are going to schedule a babysitter for one Saturday night a month for the next six months. Surprise her with what you will do and where you will take her each of those Saturdays. Make the last one an overnight at a hotel where you will be free from phone calls and the home routine.
2006-11-30 05:46:54 · answer #8 · answered by AnnieD 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would share your true feelings with your wife, and share with her what you have shared here.
Eveyone's marriage is different, and I don't think it would best serve you to get a 100 different opinions from 100 different people.
Your wife might surprise you, and she may be totally unaware of your feelings.
If you two cannot come to some sort of understanding, I strongly urge you two to go to marriage counseling. If your wife cares about you and the marriage, she will agree to marriage counseling.
Good luck.
2006-11-30 05:32:04 · answer #9 · answered by Jack C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like there are some underlying issues going on that you havent' stated in your question. I'd suggest finding a good marriage counselor in order to get some help talking things out with her.
2006-11-30 05:29:43 · answer #10 · answered by My Evil Twin 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This might seem obvious, but have you actually had this conversation with her? I mean, not exactly the way you did here, but letting her know how you feel? You need to communicate before all the love is gone. Maybe she just doesn't realize how you truly feel about it.
2006-11-30 05:32:50 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋