he is constantly contacted by the other woman and tempted? He is married and wants to make it right with the wifey but has been cheating? Any comments please men preffered.
2006-11-30 05:09:11 · 34 answers · asked by 2strongfor2long 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
well if you are the wife.. then you both need to get into some serious counceling - because you don't trust him if you are asking this question.
if you are "the other woman" the quit tempting him!!! he made a mistake and is trying to not make it again.. why would you do that? unless you have some self-serving need to ruin someones life....
2006-11-30 05:12:54 · answer #1 · answered by .... 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your man is between 40 and 50 the chances are that he is experiencing mid-life crisis. Men usually go home. It is a frustrating thing to endure and it depends on how his own father was with his mother. If their marriage ended up in divorce it often follows that the son will head in the same direction, because of what he learnt. However there is light at the end of the tunnel. Nothing is ever irrepairable. Everything depends on how you handle things. Are you demonstrating integrity and dignity or behaving in a bad manner. Hold your head up. Today few marriages seem to escape these hussies. They are everywhere and so desparate. There is nothing like ones own home and family. It is not right and I am not condoning it. I think what you are experiencing is the most hurtful thing imaginable; soul destroying and numbing. Take heart nevertheless you are not the only one going through this, even though you might feel that you are. Your man is selfish and inconsiderate and damaging you and your family. Biblically you have grounds to divorce him, but God hates divorce and would rather you all stayed as one. You have the right to choose. There is an excellent book written about men called "Wild at Heart" written by John Eldrige. Read it. It is excellent, then follow it up with "Captivating" written by him and his wife for women. It is really good.
I hope you find a solution. I have been where you are and you have all my sympathy. May God richly bless you and help you to find you again. Finding yourself again is so important. We women tend to loose our identities and who we are. You are special and you deserve the very best. Remember that!
2006-11-30 05:26:06 · answer #2 · answered by uniquechild 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men cheat because they want it both ways. They want the security of a family (because they're told they're supposed to) and they want the thrill of a new woman. Mostly though, men cheat because they want out of their current relationship but don't have the spine to end it. They're selfish cowards and once a cheater, always a cheater.
In this particular case, there's a very simple solution for the man to stop being contacted by this woman. He tells her NO as strongly as he can. But he hasn't done that. Nor will he. He likes the attention, so yes, he will absolutely cheat again.
2006-11-30 05:14:46 · answer #3 · answered by wineboy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
2strong...
A man who has cheated in the past can choose to stop cheating and remain faithful, but if the problems and desires that contributed to him cheating in the first place are never resolved, then he is just using willpower in order to not cheat...
... and everyone eventually runs out of willpower.
(Either that, or they just choose to kill their desire for anything at all. Which might not seem as bad on the surface but will still kill the marriage in terms of ever being intimate.)
If the man is serious about not cheating, then he needs to cut all ties with this woman who he cheated with. If he is still talking to her, or allowing her to come after him, then he will eventually fall back into the same old cheating behavior. It will just be a matter of time.
The marriage has problems that need to be discussed openly. Not only does the husband have needs that need somehow to be resolved, but the wife no doubt has experienced a lot of hurt and anger on the inside, even if she doesn't even realize it yet. This needs to be worked through.
A therapist/counselor would act as a good third-party to help the couple work through their issues and is probably necessary to deal with a situation like this.
I would advise them to ask around and find a trustworthy person to listen to them and help them communicate with each other, and also give some practical, hands-on advice.
If yours is not the marriage in question, then I would offer yourself as a strong support and encouragement to the wife, so that she might pursue this, and be able to cope whatever the husband ultimately decides to do.
Take care, I hope things work out.
2006-11-30 05:29:12 · answer #4 · answered by Jennywocky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's being honest about it, one of the steps to recovery is telling the "affair partner" in clear and in no uncertain terms "it's over". You should be right there either listening on speaker phone with him, copied on the e-mail OR in person.
Him having you involved with certainly help you believe what his told you about it being over. It helps him understand he REALLY has screwed up and this is the only way to move forward and it lets the "other woman" know he's chosen his wife over her.
That should end the constant calls from the other woman. If she continues to call, ask to have his phone service changed so whenever his phone rings, so does yours. You then have the ability to monitor the calls and speak to her directly if she continues to attempt contact.
Seek professional help and or get some books about the subject.
2006-11-30 05:20:17 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The more he does it the less conscience he will have. He probably has already become numb and doesn't feel guilt. Unless you have a good reason to believe that he has changed (not promises to change) then you need to move on. You need to confront him about it...both of you need to lay all cards on the table. If he will end it, and you sincerely believe him, then I would give the marriage one last chance, since everyone should have a second chance. If after that you discover that he has went back to her, even once, you need to divorce him. No one deserves that.
2006-11-30 05:24:33 · answer #6 · answered by sickblade 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's more common for cheaters to do it again, than to reform (unless it was one occasion and he discovered he didn't like how he felt about it at all).
It's easy enough to keep someone from contacting you...block their phone number and email, get a restraining order...if she keeps contacting, it's because he's not doing enough to prevent it (it's probably an ego boost for him).
I would have a VERY hard time trusting someone who cheated on me...this situation doesn't sound promising at all...sorry...
2006-11-30 05:13:31 · answer #7 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is very rare for a cheater to change their ways. The only way to know for sure, is when he becomes a different person or his attitude or way at looking at life changes. This will include his attitude towards other areas of his life aswell. If he is the same old person, then he is probably the same old cheater as well. If you dont see a change, then their is no change.
2006-11-30 05:15:47 · answer #8 · answered by sunline 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It means that he is done with the affair - what is needed is to find out why the affair happened in the first place.
2006-11-30 05:20:12 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not a gentleman but I can tell by experience once a cheater always a cheater. He want change he'll keep right on doing what he wants . DIVORCE
2006-11-30 05:12:06 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋