In March of this year, my wife of ten years decided she didn't want to continue our relationship because she just didn't have feelings for me anymore. She said she wants to be on her own and not have the hassle of trying to be happy with me. We've known each other our entire lives and neither one of us has been married to any others. She told me that she has had these feelings for about 3 years, but did not voice them fully until this year. She says that her feelings for me are gone, and she wants to move on without me. I have told her many times that I want to work on our marriage and even go to counseling to fix our relationship. She refuses to do anything about it, other than end it. Have any other women on here had this issue, and is there any information that would be helpful to me in order to save our marriage? God bless.
2006-11-30 04:53:37 · 23 answers · asked by devoted dad 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have seen this before and regret to tell you that sometimes things like this just can't be fixed. As we get older some of us change and start to drift from our significant others. Our likes and needs change and the passion just dies. You can try counseling for you to help you understand this. I am currently with someone who has had this happen, not easy for either of them as no one wanted to hurt the other, but it happens. There is no use staying in a relationship that can't be fixed or the passion can't be brought back. Maybe you should try to woo her all over again and see what happens. I wish you the best, but please remember she does not want to intentionally hurt you.
2006-11-30 05:03:11 · answer #1 · answered by notfreeinnh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's very sad. It sounds as though there has been a real lapse in your communication for quite awhile and it may be too late to fix it now. It's been 6 months since you found this out. What took you so long to address this? What is happening at this point? Are you separated or in the process of divorce? I would hazard a guess that she may have already found someone else and if this is the case, your chances are slim and none to ever get back together.
Counseling with or without her would be my advice to you. It seems you are having a hard time accepting her decision and a counselor could help you find the best way to handle your feelings and a mutual plan to help your children, the true victims of divorce.
Please be respectful of her (as much as possible) and supportive with your children. The goal for you is to salvage the good aspects of your relationship even though (if) you are no longer married. If you show her what a caring and mature man you can be in the emotional roller coaster of a divorce, she may find herself having second thoughts about having left you. But even if she doesn't, your children will benefit from your attitude.
Life will go on. Learn from this experience and have faith that there is someone more suited for you out there still.
2006-11-30 13:22:53 · answer #2 · answered by nighthawk 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I see your tag as devoted dad but what about attentive husband. I don't have all the details to guess if it was something you did or didn't do but based upon what I've read and my experiences with human behavior and what's happened in my life or to friends I'd say someone doesn't just fall out of love she owes you an explanation. Not something vague. If I was a gambling man I'd say she's cheating on you. I'm assuming you've done nothing wrong provoke or alienate her.
One thing is for sure there obviously seems to be a disconnect in perception. Do not let her go without a fight or at least her having the balls to tell you the truth.
How much time did you spend together or was she out on her own a lot hanging with her "girlfriends" have you noticed any odd behavior? It really sounds like she found something on the side and is finally willing to give it a go. Because trying to be happy with you shouldn't be a "hassle."
Not confronting the problem is trying to avoid guilt. You should ask her flat out is she seeing someone and WATCH her reaction. Especially her eyes if she looks down to the left she's trying to make something up as you access different parts of your brain for different reasons. Depending on a look you can generalize if they are trying to recall facts or fabricate something on the fly. Check out the links below on how to detect lies.
If it's not that maybe you should spruce yourself. It could be she feel things have slid. So if you repackage yourself, hit the gym, develop new interests or start a hobby together like dancing or something that might help rekindle the lines of communication. Because that broken down somewhere.
2006-11-30 17:30:46 · answer #3 · answered by Cybrocupid 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact that you are still in love and devoted to your wife says a lot of great things about you. She could be experiencing boredom since you have been together so long. The fact is, you cannot force her to stay and if you keep trying to push and convince her it will probably drive her further away. If I were you I would sit back and have some faith in God and let her have some space. She may realize that she misses you and made a mistake (trust me, it is not that easy for single women out there....let her get a taste of it to find out). In any case, you have no idea what God has in store for you. Act with integrity and do not beg. Let her remember how respectful and understanding you were so she has that to compare to all the jerks that are out there. Good luck to you and GOD BLESS you too! Hang in there!
2006-11-30 13:29:16 · answer #4 · answered by xovenusxo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What has changed in your relationship that your wife doesn't have feelings for you any more? Have you always made her feel like she is the most important person in your life? Counseling might help but if she isn't willing to go then it's a waste of time. Relationships take alot of work. Communication and trust are keys to a healthy relationship. I've been divorced for over two years now because my ex felt that his life was more important then our family. I know for me i tried to work thru the problems because of my kids but the love was gone and it was to the point of no return. I truly hope that you can work thru this!! It sounds like you really love your wife so try not to give up!!
2006-11-30 13:06:57 · answer #5 · answered by truckmama_34 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, is there another man involved? ...if there is already another man, than chances are she may already have 'left'.
Has something major like moving away from family, job changes, new home, or losing someone close to her happened? Because she may be unhappy about that and she is directing it at you instead. Are there financial issues? There could be alot of underlying issues that she may not be telling you. If I were you I would encourage her to find the reasons why she wants the divorce and discuss them with you. Specially if you have kids together, she has to realize that its not only you as a couple that this affects, its the entire family on both sides.
If there is no cheating, or physical or emotional abuse, encourage her to try and for you both to seek counseling. I know all of this because I went through it my 7th year of marriage ( I know...the seven year itch)...and we are now going on our 12 anniversary...
I wish you the best of luck for you and your family..God Bless.
2006-11-30 13:18:45 · answer #6 · answered by soporific2u 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is truly sad....I am sorry to hear....I can relate..to a certain degree.
Unlike you, my ex husband was abusive....and I lost my feelings for him. That goes without saying) We were married for 18 years. He was my first and I was his.
When I decided to leave, like you he tried to work things out. He wanted to go to counseling...I did not. I felt there was no use. I was tired of trying. I do not know your situation.
But the harder you try to keep her...the further you are pushing her away.
It sounds as if the circumstance is irreversible at this time.....its not to say when she gets her space that she may change her mind.
Just so you know, since my divorce 4 years ago..my ex-husband seeked counseling went back to school and is doing very well..He emailed me and wanted me to come back home....He said I will always be the love of his life. I am happy for him and he is now going to church which was something during our marriage I did alone.
I have remarried someone else in the meantime and I am in love and happy.
I wish there was something else I could say to help you.
May God con't to give you strength....
2006-11-30 13:14:02 · answer #7 · answered by samantha H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was married to my ex-husband for 7 years, and because of many things that happened over that time I fell out of love with him about 5 years in. We had been very happy at one time and had a son together. I stuck around another 2 years to try and make it work in hopes that we would recover our previous love, but it didn't work and just wasted 2 years of our time and made us hate each other. My point is, if she is not willing to work on things, then you have to let her go. I am sorry, I know it's painful. Best of luck.
2006-11-30 13:06:22 · answer #8 · answered by babyred 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
is there problems that haven't been resolved? does she feel safe with u, or have u let her down. does she have someone else in her life? maybe u should go to her, ask her why she feels this way, ask her why she has lost hope in u. usually when someone leaves a marriage, they have found someone else, and than there isn't too much one can do about it, but accept it. ask her why she lost feeling for u, than u will know where it went wrong. but most of the time when a patner wants to leave, they have found someone else, and we are the last to know. we are the ones left with the broken heart, and the low self worth.
2006-11-30 19:21:40 · answer #9 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i was just like your wife with my ex husband only difference was the more i think about it the more i know i didnt really love to begin with. I stayed with him for almost 7 years. I hated hurting him like that and i know that one day someone will probably do me that way but if she is like i was then there is nothing u can do about it. Nothing will change it.
But if she is not like me then there could be a chance.........
Think back to the time when you both said I LOVE YOU. what were you doing.....did she ever say what made her all in love with out if so show her that again. take her to a place back in time maybe she will remember what made her fall for you.
i know this isnt much help but i wish you luck
2006-11-30 13:16:43 · answer #10 · answered by mojosbaby41472 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋